Backstage with Jay
by ShinyShiny9
Summary: Collection of companion one-shots for "The Fantastic Mr. Walker." Background, bonus chapters, behind-the-scenes, the like. Newest chapter: A few reader questions and a small fluffy one-shot.
1. Kailor by Proxy

**Hi fellas! I'm guessing most of you are here from "The Fantastic Mr. Walker"? A few things might be a little tough to keep up with if you haven't read that one.**

 **At any rate! I had a couple of ideas for one-shots that happen before the times of the main story, or side plots that would slow down the main plot too much (gosh knows it's already slow enough). So, despite the fact that "companion" collections never seem to do very well, I decided to go ahead with these anyway!**

 **This first one-shot is a little extra background on what Skylor's up to right now.** **It takes place right after Chapter 27 and before Chapter 28, while Lloyd is out on that late patrol circuit. After the whole reveal of Kai's connections to Venomari spit, y'know?**

* * *

 **Sept 11**

 **3:30 PM**

 **Patrol circuit: Zane and Lloyd**

 **Status conditions: None**

* * *

Lloyd was running the city patrol just a little haphazardly, to be honest. It was late in the day, and he had bigger things on his mind.

Still, about halfway through the circuit he started feeling hungry. Normally he'd have stuck it out till dinnertime, but he had a feeling that dinner was going to be a tense and gloomy affair tonight—if they even ate together at all. Maybe it would be better to fill up now and delay coming home until dinner was over.

Under this logic, he landed in the streets and headed down to Chen's House of Noodles.

He told himself that he only picked Chen's because it always had awesome food at really good prices, and it always _had_ been one of his favorite restaurants—both of which were true—but to be honest there was a lot of nostalgia at work too. This was the same location where he had met with the others almost half a year ago, before they were summoned to the Tournament of Elements to rescue Zane. They had all been pretty miserable and dysfunctional back then, and things were feeling pretty miserable and dysfunctional now. Somehow it just felt appropriate to go there again.

Plus, you know. Curiosity. He wanted to see what Skylor had done with the place.

Seemingly she hadn't done much. As he sat munching chicken noodles in a booth by the conveyor belt—the same booth as last time, actually!—Lloyd eyed the establishment. Chen's restaurants had always been clean, modern, and brightly-lit, so there wasn't really much to be improved on there. He could almost have sworn that the place looked a little _less_ clean than before, but maybe he was imagining that. The music playing over the speakers was the same samisen remixes of pop hits. Even the chicken noodles tasted exactly the same as always—not that that was a bad thing.

"Well well, look who's dropped by."

Lloyd nearly dropped his chopsticks. He snapped his gaze up from the tabletop, and there stood Skylor, grinning. Lloyd blinked. She was wearing the burgundy company apron—and roller skates.

"You're waitressing?!" he blurted.

"Nice to see you again too." Skylor gave an amused huff, and Lloyd blushed hotly.

"S-sorry. I was just—well—don't you . . . _own_ the place now?"

"Ech." Skylor shrugged, then regretted it instantly when her skates slid in opposite directions. She windmilled for a moment and grabbed the edge of the table.

"Sorry, still getting the hang of these," she grunted. "Okay if I sit down?"

Lloyd, still a little wide-eyed from thinking she was about to fall, nodded mutely. Skylor flung herself into the seat opposite his.

"I need to ditch the roller-skates gimmick," she muttered, flexing her ankles gingerly. "I'd have ditched it already if it wasn't so iconic to the brand."

Lloyd studied her surreptitiously. Honestly, he'd never been able to blame Kai for falling head over heels for her—she was really quite eye-catching. And this was coming from a kid who was still struggling to heave himself out of his ten-year-old aversion to romance.

Still, something seemed a little different about Skylor now. She looked . . . tired. Almost older. The fire in her eyes had died a little.

"So," she said, plucking a bowl of veggie stir-fry from the conveyor belt and digging in. "Did the hotshot send you over here to spy on me or something?"

"Uh, _no_ ," said Lloyd indignantly. "I didn't even know you worked he—"

"I'm kidding, I'm kidding," laughed Skylor. "You've got bigger things to worry about. I'm gonna be the one pumping _you_ for information."

"I might not talk." Lloyd smirked skeptically, not entirely sure she was joking.

"No, really." Skylor gestured with her chopsticks. "Spill the beans. How serious is he?"

"Serious? . . . "

"I've heard he has a reputation," said Skylor bluntly, digging into her stir-fry. "Is he for real? Or am I just girl number forty-four en route to forty-five?"

Lloyd stared for a moment, floored by her candor. Skylor waited with eyebrows raised, munching unconcernedly.

"I have no idea how to answer that," said Lloyd at last.

"I know, I know." Skylor sighed. "I get it. It's not a guy-talk kind of thing. But . . . well . . . do you know if he's seeing anyone else?"

" _No!_ " sputtered Lloyd.

"Sorry." Skylor smiled apologetically. "I know it sounds like I'm painting him in a really bad light right now. It's not that I'm suspicious, it's just that . . . " She trailed off, stirring her vegetables.

Lloyd eyed her, wondering what in the world was going on in her fire-engine-red head. This was why he avoided all possible dealings with girls. Girls were mystical. Except for maybe Nya, who was at least quasi-comprehensible. On most days.

"I think he's pretty serious," he said at last. "I mean, he was so crazy for you that he nearly blew our entire mission on Chen's Island. He couldn't get over you even when he found out—uh, you know, about your dad. He wouldn't do that for just anyone. He's usually really careful about avoiding anything that could be a danger to the rest of us."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. I mean, he knows how to—y-y'know—sort've get on a girl's good side—" Lloyd blushed, wondering how in the world he'd gotten himself into this kind of conversation "—b-but he never gets into an actual _relationship_ with anyone, y'know? Except you." He hesitated, weighing what Skylor would like to know against what Kai would probably kill him for saying. "And, uh, he talks about you in his sleep sometimes. Definitely hasn't done that for anyone else."

Skylor gave a muffled snort.

"Sleeptalking? Really?"

"Yeah. Nobody's told him yet." Lloyd grinned lopsidedly.

Skylor chuckled, and a slightly awkward silence fell. Lloyd ventured to take a few more mouthfuls of noodles.

"I guess he really is serious," said Skylor distantly, fiddling a sugar pea between her chopsticks. Lloyd raised an eyebrow at her, his mouth still full of noodles. Could've fooled him, but Skylor didn't exactly sound _happy_ to hear that. How did this make any sense?

"I have to admit, he's given me more credit than I deserve," continued Skylor, not looking up. "Not too many guys would be interested in a girl with former criminal connections . . . "

At those last two words a cold rock seemed to drop into Lloyd's stomach. For a moment there he'd almost forgotten about the entire sorry slobber-trading business. What would Skylor say if she knew about that?!

Then he relaxed slightly. She couldn't be _too_ judgmental, right? It's not like she exactly had a spotless record herself. Heck, maybe she and Kai would be able to relate, two former lost souls struggling their way back onto the straight and narrow. They might even be good for each other that way.

Still, he thought he'd better not say anything about it right now. Kai was well aware of the danger of his situation, he would tell Skylor himself if and when he thought best.

"Look." Skylor suddenly pushed the bowl of stir-fry away. "I'm just gonna ask you straight, okay?"

Lloyd gulped. Straight asking was never a good sign.

"The fact of the matter is," said Skylor tiredly, "I'm kind of a trainwreck." She looked around the restaurant and leaned closer, lowering her voice. "My _company_ is kind of a trainwreck."

"Wh . . . what?" stammered Lloyd.

"Why do you think I'm waitressing?" said Skylor ruefully. She gestured around at the mostly-empty dining hall. "Look at this place. It's not just because it's an off-peak time. It's almost always this empty."

"Ohhhh . . . " Lloyd whispered. Suddenly everything began to make sense.

"Running this chain has been a nightmare." Now that Skylor had started talking she seemed to be unwinding like a clockwork mouse. "It was really profitable before, so there was a lot saved up, but now it's all gone because of all the lawsuits. _Everyone_ wants a piece of us—the food safety boards, the trade commission, all those workers my father kidnapped—and I can't say I blame any of them. I feel grateful I haven't been sent to _jail_. But now the company's a disgrace. I mean, would you want to eat at a place that used to make its noodles with slave labor?"

"Uhhh . . . well . . . " Lloyd eyed the ceiling awkwardly, twirling his chopsticks in his bowl.

"Okay, okay, so you're a special case," conceded Skylor. "But the public doesn't want any part of it. I've tried to get out the word that Chen's is under new management and everything's clean and legal now, but you know, that kind of thing doesn't go away. The only people interested in eating here—or _working_ here—are thugs and hoodlums. And that just makes business worse, because who wants to take their family out for a nice dinner at a table next to the mafia's?" She sank back in her seat, sighing. "So, yeah. The company is in such a bad place right now that I'm pretty much running this central branch all by myself. I'm on the verge of shutting down some of the other locations."

"You mean you're . . . going out of business?"

"I don't know." Skylor rolled her chopsticks back and forth on the table, her gaze seemingly fixed straight through them. "I'm planning to stick it out as long as I can. Maybe I can pull through. But, y'know. It's kind of a grungy situation." She gave a weak smile. "It's not like I'm this well-to-do restaurateur or anything. Not anymore. I'm this crazy girl staying up till three AM to wash dishes and write to attorneys, running a riffraff magnet that just keeps getting shabbier. And . . . I'm not sure if that's what Kai signed up for. I mean, does he know he might end up with a bankrupt diner lady in his life?"

Lloyd looked her up and down. Man. He had a whole new respect for this woman now.

"I don't think that's gonna be a problem," he said. "Kai's not like that. He wouldn't walk out on you just because you're going through a bad time—he sticks with you tightest when you're in trouble."

"Yeah, but I was almost hoping he was just passing through," said Skylor. "I wouldn't want him to stick around just because he felt sorry for me . . . "

"It's not that. He just likes you. A lot. And he doesn't care about that background stuff."

"Man." Skylor rested her chin in her hand, smiling a little dreamily. "That's a thought . . . "

Lloyd nibbled at his meal in silence, eyeing the young redhead. For a second he had to wonder if there might not be something to this whole romance thing after all. Just seeing the way it made people feel, the way they responded to each other . . . there had to be something strong at work there. Maybe he just hadn't discovered it for himself yet.

Eventually Skylor shook herself out of her daydreams and gave Lloyd a smile.

"Well hey, thanks for telling me all that. I feel a little better about all of this now. And sorry for dumping it all on you—I don't have any girlfriends to yak with, and it's not like I have time to make any new ones."

"Ah, it's fine," said Lloyd, twitching his chopsticks dismissively. "Heh. I never thought I'd make such a good informant."

"Well, you're certainly the perfect little wingman." Skylor grinned back.

"Heyyyyyy, hey. The Green Ninja is _no one's_ wingman," said Lloyd, lifting his chin. He considered for a moment, then smiled sheepishly. "Just to be fair, though—he, uh, doesn't really shave cats."

Skylor chuckled.

"I shouldn't be saying this, but—you keep on annoying him when we're on video chat, okay?" She grinned mischievously. "He's adorable when he's all flustered up."

"You should have seen him back at the Tournament." Lloyd grinned back. "For a while back there he thought you were his cousin."

" _What?_ "

Lloyd found himself suddenly gifted with tongues. He told her all about the Tournament, and the weird tendency of technology to self-destruct when Kai touched it, and the prank war, and any number of funny stories he hadn't even known he'd remembered. Some of them he was pretty sure Kai would have wanted him to keep zipped, but he figured that the master of fire would willingly have traded a little embarrassment for the chance to cheer Skylor up, if he'd been here.

A tiny part of him kept whispering that he was a dirty rotten liar for keeping silent about the Venomari spit. But he pushed that train of thought way to the back of his mind.

Finally a few other customers drifted in, sitting down at a table. Skylor glanced in their direction and hastened to stand up, steadying herself on her skates.

"I've gotta get back to work, Goldilocks," she said, smiling. "Thanks so much for hanging around. I really needed that." She waved dismissively as Lloyd fumbled in his pocket. "No, no. The noodles are on the house."

"But—" stammered Lloyd.

"No, seriously. Friends don't pay." Skylor gave him a wink. "But if you really want to sing for your supper, could you do me a favor and give something from me to Kai?"

"S-sure!" Lloyd was still searching for change. "But are you really sure you don't want me to—" He broke off cold when Skylor leaned over the corner of the table to kiss his temple. He blinked up at her, somewhat terrified.

"Don't worry, that is not the thing," said Skylor, laughing. "That was just a thank-you and because you're adorable. This is the thing." She handed him an envelope. "Thanks in advance, kiddo. Take care, okay?"

Waving, she skated off to the back room. Lloyd sighed, tousling back his hair.

 _You're a slimy creep_ , the voice in the back of his head hissed. _You're trying to hook this poor girl up with a_ drug dealer! _Doesn't she have enough problems already?_

He shook his head angrily in an effort to knock the annoying voice loose. Kai was a responsible guy. Also not an actual _dealer._ He'd tell Skylor the truth if he thought it might be important. And Skylor was savvy and self-reliant—she'd be able to make up her own mind if she didn't like what she heard. There was nothing wrong with encouraging them to stick together if they liked each other. It wasn't lying by omission. It wasn't.

He felt in his pocket again, wondering if he should leave a really substantial tip or something. But that might be a little insulting, especially after Skylor had insisted that he shouldn't pay . . .

Noticing a tip jar by the front register, Lloyd dumped all his pocket money into that on his way out. It was peanuts as far as running a restaurant was concerned, but it had to be better than nothing. With the envelope crinkling guiltily in his pocket, he took off to complete his patrol.

* * *

 **A/N: Oish. I can't seem to let go of the idea that running Chen's House of Noodles after Season 4 would be a really miserable business . . . Seriously tho, in Season 5 we see the place is empty on _New Year's Eve_ , when there should be crowds of people in there having celebratory dinners. Plus Skylor, the supposed owner, was working behind the counter. In Season 6, she's still working there, and she's throwing rough customers out, too. Tough times for Chen's are practically canon by now.**

 **. . . Then there's the fact that Kai seems to be "free" and available again by Season 6. Gotta wonder about that one.**

 **Time and plot permitting, I may be able to tie this together with the main plot of "Fantastic Mr. Walker." And I already have ideas for at least two more bonus one-shots, so this thing is going to get updated at least a few times! Hopefully.**

 **Thanks for reading, and drop a review if you could? ^_^''**


	2. The Swear Jar

**Whoo-cha, I knew I'd get around to another one eventually! I promised some friends that I would write the story of how Nya met Scrubble. This was supposed to get posted aaaaaaages ago, back when we first met Scrubble over video-phone, but I hit a mental block and couldn't get this sucker written.**

 **The standard currency of Ninjago is the _ken._ Like the Japanese yen, it's worth much less than a US dollar: it takes several hundred ken just to purchase a loaf of bread. Much more common in wallets is the fifty-ken coin, known as the _busto ken._**

 **. . . Hee hee hee.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Ninjago, but I do own a stupid amount of headcanons about Serpentine and weird Ninjago currency with holes punched through it.**

* * *

Nya loved trips to the hardware store. She had whiled away untold hours of her life in one particular store near the edge of New Ninjago City. The lighting was a sickly yellow, the shelves were homely bare metal, and the whole building always smelled sharply of calcium and lime from the concrete floor and sacks of soil amender, but it was still one of her favorite places in the whole world. They sold _everything_ —even the most unusual pieces of hardware that an invention-crazed Samurai could dream up a need for. And if they didn't have it, they had enough know-how that they could easily order it.

She knew the owner, Mr. Burton, like an old friend by now. He was a bit of a prickly sort, but there was no real harm in him, and he was mercifully uninterested in the doings of his customers. Back when Nya had been keeping her Samurai identity a secret, she had known that she could purchase all the bizarre parts and pieces she needed—Mr. Burton would never even bat an eyelid.

One thing that he did bat eyelids over, however, was language. As a father of three and all-around family-values guy, Mr. Burton did not appreciate cussing in his store. Some of his customers—farmers and construction workers and road crews—had a bit of trouble with that sort of thing, so Mr. Burton had set up a "Swear Jar" by the cash register. He would sit behind the counter, giving his customers eyebrows, and if he heard anyone swearing he would clear his throat loudly and rattle the change in the jar. He would continue to rattle it, impervious to complaints and excuses, until the offender had paid fifty _ken_ per dirty word.

Nya thought it was pretty cool. The money went to charity, and it was always funny to watch even the toughest characters meekly surrendering their change as Mr. Burton rattled the jar imperiously. Once in a while, if no one else was in the shop, she would look the shopkeeper in the eye and purposely slap down a few oaths. Mr. Burton would scowl deeply, but there would be a faint twinkle in his eyes as Nya paid up, giggling. Kai would have a conniption fit if he knew about this practice, which only made it more fun.

Today Nya was in a bit of a hurry, though. Yesterday she had taken the DB Xpress out for its first test run, and it had failed spectacularly: the gearbox had dropped right out of the hood. It turned out the bolts and support beams she'd been using couldn't stand the structural demands of the heavy machinery. Now she was wandering through the aisles, looking for something sturdier.

As she gazed up at a pegboard display of industrial lug nuts, she spotted a Serpentine from the corner of her eye. Reflexively she stiffened; she'd fought enough snakes that the sight of one sent her into instant alert mode. Just as quickly however, she relaxed, feeling a bit ashamed of herself. Times had changed now. This Serpentine—a Constrictai—had just as much right to be in the store as her. He was peacefully reading the label on a box of screws, for crying out loud.

Setting her chin, Nya turned back to the lug nut display, resolving to give the Constrictai an extra-friendly smile if they happened to make eye contact. She knew Serpentine often had a hard time aboveground, encountering suspicion and even hostility from humans, and she didn't want to be a part of that trend.

The Serpentine finished with the screws and made his choice. Nya turned around just in time to see him reach for another box, brush his elbow unwittingly against a plastic bin, and send it sliding off the shelf.

There was an earsplitting crash. The entire bin's worth of bulk rivets splashed all over the aisle like a metallic firework, sending rivets bouncing and clinking to every corner. The snake stood frozen in dismay, one hand clutching his cloth cap.

"Awh, ff—"

He must have caught sight of Nya out of the corner of his eye, because he abruptly snapped his mouth shut and flinched. Ducking his head, he muttered to himself and cautiously brushed aside some rivets with his foot, trying to find a place to stand in the mess so he could start cleaning it up.

"Wow, let me give you a hand," said Nya, picking her way over.

"Thanks ma'am," mumbled the snake, flicking her only a quick glance. Nya took it in stride, knowing he must be embarrassed.

"Easy to knock stuff over in here, huh?" she said lightly, scooping up a double handful of rivets. "The bins kind of stick out."

"Uh-huh."

"You picked the right one to spill, though," continued Nya. "Once I knocked over a box of microscrews. Ever tried grabbing a handful of those? Don't do it."

"Heh." The Constrictai finally gave her a longer look, smiling awkwardly. He hesitated for a second, collecting his words. "Well, I guess rivets're all right as long as my boss isn't here. I'd never hear the end of the 'riveting' puns."

Nya groaned appreciatively, chuckling.

"That kind of boss, huh?"

"Ah, 'e's all right." The snake waved a hand. "Works us hard, but he's a nice guy." He tossed the last of the rivets into the bin and shook it appraisingly. "I feel like there were a lot more of these before."

"Yeah, me too . . . "

They looked around, but they didn't see any more rivets in the aisle, so they shrugged it off and put the bin back on the shelf.

"Much obliged for the help, Missss," said the Constrictai.

"Just Nya," said Nya. "You?"

"Scrubble, Mi—" The snake caught himself. "Uh . . . Miss Nya?"

"I'll take that as a compromise," said Nya, shaking her head in mock irritation. "Nice to meet you, Scrubble. You have good taste in screws."

"Eh?" The Serpentine chuckled disbelievingly.

They were soon engaged in the most technical of conversations, debating the merits of different screw types and brands. Soon it carried over into discussing lug nuts, then welding guns, then the care and feeding of heavy machinery. Scrubble worked at Skawa Mining Company, a Constrictai iron and copper mine; in return Nya told him about her Samurai career. She was a little hesitant, knowing she might have a reputation as a trouncer of Serpentine warriors, but Scrubble didn't bat an eyelid.

They ended up by the checkout counter together, both juggling several different purchases. Mr. Burton was off among the aisles somewhere, so they waited together, still chatting comfortably. Nya had to admit she was pleasantly surprised: she was all for getting along with Serpentine, but she hadn't known it could be this easy. This was one of the nicest conversations she'd had in a while.

Scrubble began to fumble at the money pouch attached to his belt.

"Gotta pay up the sssswear jar," he said.

"But you didn't swear," laughed Nya. "Not all the way."

"Ahh, won't hurt. I'm trying to—how d'you say? Kick the habit," said Scrubble. "My littl'uns are at the copying age, and the missus will have my hide if I teach them anything ssssalty."

"Oh, you have kids?" asked Nya.

"Three of 'em!" Scrubble began rummaging even more eagerly in his belt pouch. Pulling out his wallet, he proudly showed Nya some photographs of his family, including three baby snakelets. Nya wanted to say that they were adorable, but she also didn't want to lie; being reptiles, they didn't actually look much different from a full-grown snake. She said they looked like a lovely family instead, and meant it. It was too sweet how Scrubble talked about them, puffing his chest inadvertantly and rambling off with stories about how smart they were and how they said the darnedest things.

"They know too much already," he said, tossing a fifty-ken piece into the swear jar. "I figure I'd better make it hurt more if I'm going to quit."

Mr. Burton took a while showing up, and looked somewhat out of sorts when he did. He rang up both their purchases, grumbling as usual and flapping about the paper sacks used for bulk bolts.

"You two better not have been swearing while I was away," he said darkly.

"Non-stop, sir," said Nya with a straight face. "We've just been standing here cursing up a storm."

"Seein' as you weren't around to stop us," agreed Scrubble gravely.

"Hmph." Mr. Burton handed them both their bags. "I have enough to worry about without you young people acting like yahoos. Do either of you have any idea why there were rivets all over the floor on three different aisles, none of which are actually the aisle carrying rivets?"

Nya and Scrubble froze, then snuck each other a dismayed look.

"Uhhhhh . . . I guess they must've . . . slid under the shelves?" ventured Nya, making an attempt at a disarming smile. Beside her Scrubble bared his fangs contritely, equally nervous.

Mr. Burton heaved a deep sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose. Then he waved towards the door.

"Get out of my store, you vandals."

"Yes sir!"

Human and Serpentine both grabbed their purchases and bolted outside without any further prompting. Their timing was slightly off; Mr. Burton heard them exploding into muffled laughter just a split second before the automatic doors slid shut.

"They're lucky they're some of my best customers," he muttered, smiling drily. "Barbarians."

* * *

 **A/N: And now, National Geographic Ninjago brings you various fun facts about Serpentine society! Because I'm a hopeless nerd and have gotten way too into this. XD**

Unlike primitive snakes, Serpentine are warm-blooded. They have also developed a four-chambered heart like that of mammals, although it is not anatomically identical.

Although their hugs work exactly like human ones, Serpentine do not kiss. Their lips and jaws are not suitable for it. The snake equivalent is known as "nuffing," and involves rubbing the underside of one's chin along the top of the other's head. Like human kissing, nuffing ranges from an intensely sensuous ritual performed between mates to an innocent gesture between parent and child.

The practice does mean that snakes are somewhat more sensitive about being touched on top of their heads than humans. Also, unlike kissing, there is no noun form of nuffing. There is no such thing as "a nuff."

Because Serpentine usually do not wear clothes, carrying money and other personal items can be a problem. Females have enthusiastically embraced the human concept of the purse, while many males have taken to wearing pocket-packed utility belts like those of construction workers. Clothes (and the accompanying pockets) might catch on someday, but right now they're more of an optional decoration if a Serpentine feels like dressing up.

Like primitive snakes, many Serpentine are able to open their jaws impossibly wide to swallow large prey—sometimes up to the size of a human. However, a single genetic variation can cause a snakelet to be hatched without an expandable jaw. In olden times most snakelets without expandable jaws did not survive; some were even killed during lean times rather than inevitably starving to death. In modern times the need to swallow large prey has all but disappeared, and the proportion of snakes with "fixed" jaws has increased.

However, an expandable jaw is still considered highly desirable among many Serpentine, and it is common for fixed-jaw adolescents to try "loosening" their jaws. Unfortunately, many sustain injuries this way.

Venomari are the only snake tribe that is immune to its own power—their venom doesn't affect other Venomari, at least not in normal doses. A large dose of venom injected into the blood will still kill them. Just ask Nash.

Serpentine years are much shorter than human years—less than a third of the length. They are still considered adults by the age of 18 or 20, however, so snakes only have about six human years of childhood.

On the bright side, they live extremely long lives—well over a hundred _human_ years. A few venerable individuals have reached a thousand snake years.

Serpentine snouts grow longer as they age. The ones that you see with "regular" LEGO heads are just the younger ones—below twenty-five in snake years.

Serpentine have very strong stomachs to digest the bones of their prey (or steel nails, when they feel like showing off), so they are technically capable of eating any human food. They have less developed taste buds, however, so many flavors that humans enjoy are lost on them. Mostly they just register savory and sweet.


	3. 500 Review Q&A Answers!

**A/N: Allll righty, here we go! For the 500 review special on the main "Fantastic Mr. Walker," I opened the field for questions from reviewers, and these are the answers. Thanks for all the cool inquiries, fellas! I have a panel of ninja and one highly dangerous snake to help me answer them. I may have to leave out a few spoilers here and there, but otherwise it's all straight-up truth.**

 **Hope you guys enjoy these!**

* * *

 **LiaLia15:**

 _Are you a boy or a girl?_

As the Undertale fans would say, I'm a kid! . . . Haha, okay, not really. I'm a female. I'm kinda flattered that it's hard to tell, actually! ^_^

The festive garland was from a very nice shop near here, the Laptop Keyboard. Very affordable, especially if you use their copy-paste deal. :P

* * *

 **Elveron294:**

 _Are you an authorfish too?_

Actually, I'm a comparatively common species of authorjelly! For the majority of my lifespan I sort've gloop along peacefully, stinging only if provoked and absorbing small crustaceans.

 _Do you draw?_

Yep! I share a DA account with two other artists. :)

 _Where was this late side plot gonna run off to?_

It already did most of its running; I just left out the end. Jay's repeated assertions that he didn't trust anybody kind of unnerved Cole, since he considers it his job to keep the team running perfectly. He had no idea how to deal with the sudden news that the team has trust issues. There was gonna be a bit of dialog where Jay finds out and basically tells him shut up, calm down, that's not what he meant at all, but that scene dragged out an already dragging portion of the plot. So out it went!

I think I'll be including it later in this collection as a "deleted scene" though, since another reviewer asked for some Cole and Jay fluffies. :)

 _Do you think I could try my hand at writing a Lloydfish documentary? Or was that something you already had plotted?_

Go right ahead! Sounds like fun, but I had no plans. ^_^''

For Jay- _What does a Cole hug feel like?_

Jay: Eghhhhhh. Am I speaking behind closed doors here? Off the record? Room been swept for bugs? Well . . . okay then. So, well, it's like a normal hug I guess, only it helps more. I mean, if you're really miserable, sometimes you don't really feel better even if someone hugs you, you know? But with Cole, you _always_ feel better afterwards. It's normal on the outside, and like you just got a million awesome compliments on the inside.

For Cole- _Can I have a hug?_

Cole: If it's safe to hug an authorfish, sure! Is it?

* * *

 **Destiny Willowleaf:**

 _For Junior: Any other tips you can give us about hunting small creatures?_

Junior: Uh-huh! Ish very important that you learn to walk quietly. They hear you if you talk, an' they hear you if you walk too heavy.

Prey hides really good most of the time, so you have to learn to smell for it instead'a lookin' for it. You have to keep your tongue moist so you can smell right.

If you're goin' to use 'ipnosis, you have to focus reallllll hard. An' if you don't use 'ipnosis, you have to bite the neck just right to kill 'em fast.

Oh, and even if you don't use 'ipnosis, ish very VERY important to follow the three rules of killin'. You don't kill anythin' from behind, you don't kill anythin' while it's sleeping, and you don't kill anythin' from far away, like with a gun or bow. Daddy says long ago, we all believed you had to look your prey in the eye 'fore you killed it. If you look it in the eye, it'll die and its soul will go away. But if you don't look it in the eye first, the soul will stay and suck out your life force. Really creepy an' neat, right?

Mama says it's not really true though, and nobody believes it anymore. But she says it's still very important to follow the three rules, 'cos it's tradition and shows we respect our prey.

 _For Cole:_ _Funniest team memory?_

Cole: I've really gotta pick just one? Heh . . .

Kai: Whatever you do, not the seaweed one.

Cole: Ooooh, the seaweed one! Good idea.

Kai: It's not even family appropriate!

Cole: Doing it.

Kai: Grrrr.

Cole: Okay, so one time the Ultra Dragon was sick, and we had to make it a special medicine potion thing. The recipe said we needed a kind of seaweed that grew off the southeastern coast of Ninjago. The locals grew the stuff and ate it like lettuce, so we figured we could just buy some. But the thing is, on the southeastern coast, most of the people speak a different language. They're all from this little island called Innechia, so they speak Innechian.

So, none of us knew Innechian, but Zane said he was a Nindroid, he could translate almost anything. So he translated "Where can we buy some seaweed?" into Innechian, and we thought that was great.

Buuut the thing is, Frosty here didn't realize that _knowing_ a language is not the same as running Nindroid Google Translate. Turns out, the Innechians don't have a word for "seaweed"—they just have a word for all "green leafy food"—so when Zane tried to translate "seaweed" it didn't work. So he shortened it to "weed," and then it translated just fine.

Annnd it turns out, "weed" has the exact same slang meaning in Innechian that it does in English. So we spent the whole day wandering around the harbor asking everyone where we could buy drugs. Could not for the life of us figure out why everyone was looking at us like that. Then we got arrested.

And then of course the local police force also only speaks Innechian. So we have no idea why we got arrested, we're all getting kinda panicky, and all the while Zane is standing there saying please officers, we're not looking for any trouble, we just want weed . . .

Jay: It was not funny at the time.

Kai: It's not funny now.

Cole: Lloyd begs to differ.

 _To Lloyd - How does one become a Lloydfish?_

Lloyd: Well, uhhhh . . . uhm, you see . . .

Jay: I think what he's trying to say is, Lloydfish are born, not made.

Lloyd: Well, kinda. First you have to be a Lloyd. And then you have to act like a fish.

Cole: It helps to have older brothers to help you unlock your true fish potential.

Lloyd: Tickle torture does NOT help with true fish potential.

 _To Jay -_ _BEQUEATH BEQUEATH BEQUEATH!_

Jay: _*_ experiences jarring flashbacks of Season 2*

* * *

 **star's dreams:**

 _What inspired this little tale?_

The ending/climax. I got this idea that Jay could adopt some little aliens, and then [spoilers redacted], and then the plot kept getting more complex in my head. And I had a separate idea for a story about Kai and the slobber trade, also mostly inspired by its climactic moment. For a while I was debating whether I should merge in the slobber story or not, but eventually I did. Which is why FMW is a creaking hulk right now. XD

. . . So yeah. A sad percentage of my story ideas come from saying "Oh my gosh, this would be an awesome climactic moment!" and then coming up with a plot that will lead to that moment. ^_^''

 _How do you hold together multi plots?_

Duct tape and prayer. XD But seriously, it's just a little planning. I have a very basic complete plot summary, covering the most important points and some of the jokes/fluffy bits I want to include. Then as I write, I make a detailed outline for the next few chapters, planning out the action play-by-play. That way I can look at the upcoming plot and figure out if I'm missing any threads.

 _The highly advance tech that Nya and Jay using are they like Lego?, Can't help thinking Lego._

Haha, I have been asked that before—but no, it really does look like Tinkertoys. *ducks as soldering iron flies overhead* Jay, that could have killed me! I hope you were aiming high.

Anyways, it's also a lot like K'nex, if you've seen those. K'nex are fun; I had a kit that could make motorized dinosaurs when I was little.

 **To Nash:**

 _What position do you hold in the snake trade?_

Nash: In the slobber trade, top bossss. In my Technician racket, technically third in command: I answer to CapsLock, who answers to Silica. But I could kill either of them in their sleep, ssso—still top boss. I'm always top boss. Problem?

 _How much bits (money) does Slobber is?_

Nash: Whatever we can get you to pay. We like to sssstart off the newbies with a nice cheap dose or two, then once you're dependent we'll bleed ya for everything you've got. I persssonally train my dealers to judge how much they can charge and when.

 _Is it addictive enough to trick someone into addiction?_

Nash: Haha, yeah. Usually three or four times is enough to ssstart givin' you withdrawal. We also prepare a special concentrated venom that gets you addicted after only one dose. Great for businessss.

 **To Lloyd:**

 _What do you hide in that mess of hair?_

Lloyd: Heh, nothing that I _know_ about. But Kai keeps saying that hairbrushes are going missing. And sometimes there's twigs and stuff, if I've been outside.

. . . No bugs, anyway. At least I _hope_.

 _Can you tell me each of your brother worst fears, and why?_

Lloyd: Ohh, that one's hard. They're all pretty tight-lipped about that kind of stuff. Can't blame them, I am too. But from the looks of it, Jay's worst is being underground. And, uh, dying. That one probably counts for all of us.

The others say Cole used to be scared of dragons, but he isn't now, so . . . hard to say. Giant snakes, I guess?

Cole: For the record, there ain't nothin' in this world I'm afraid of!

Lloyd: . . . Well then.

Anyway, Zane seems kinda scared we're going to get annoyed with him and ditch him. We try not to give him reasons to worry about that.

Kai's scared of himself. Which sounds corny, but it's true. I think he worries he'll lose his temper someday and do something he'll regret . . .

 **To Jay:**

 _What was first thing attracted you to Nya and what made you come back?_

Jay: At first? Well, she's pretty. She's . . . really really pretty. *coughs* And, you know, it's not like a girl had ever noticed me before. That was something already.

Right now though—well, she's still really pretty. But I also got to know her a little better than I used to when we were just dating. We had such a great time working on stuff together, and we can understand each other really well, and she's got a great personality and an amazing mind and everything. So we thought we'd be good together.

Heh . . . There's something to be said for '80s music too. Nothing like turning up the radio and singing a few rock ballads together.

Kai: Ughhhh. Did you have to bring that up? It's scarring.

Jay: Oh, shush. We don't sound _that_ bad.

* * *

 **Moonlight mm123:**

 _Kai and Cole, what dark and sinister song were you singing on that raft?_

Cole: Actually it was "Good Ship Misery" from _The Pebble and the Penguin._ We were pretty miserable. It's not _that_ sinister, but echoing off tunnel walls will do that to a song.

Kai: I was going to suggest "Heathens" next though.

Cole: I would have said no.

 _Jay, do you still wish Nya had come with you or are you glad that she's safe? If she really_ is _safe - the Techs tried to kill her before..._

Jay: GAH! Whaddaya mean she's not safe? WE'VE GOTTA GET OUT OF THESE TUNNELS NOW!

Ehm, anyway—yeah, I guess I'm glad she didn't come along. I wouldn't want her to go through this. And, uh—well, I'd still probably be losing my mind down here, and I'm kinda glad she didn't see that.

 _PIXAL, have you ever told Zane to set his clock?_

Zane: *brief silence; adopts resigned expression* PIXAL says yes. Repeatedly. And she told me so.

 _Lloyd, why are you so reluctant to get a haircut? Not that I blame you!_

Ooooooooooh, sorry—spoilers. But I do have plans for a bonus one-shot that at least partially explains it!

 _Nya, have you set out on a rescue mission yet?_

Nya: No . . . I'm really antsy, but it's only been two days. The boys said they'd probably be down in those tunnels for a long time, and I know they can't contact me because their communicators don't work through rock. Soooo . . . yeah.

. . . Wait. Do you know something I don't? Did something happen? Are they okay? What's going on?!

 _Shiny, how did you come up with Meep and Mopp?_

Honestly I don't remember too well. ^_^'' I just knew I needed cute aliens, and I wanted them to be unusual. I hit on the idea of flying cuttlefish things pretty quickly, then I doodled them a few times to see if it was possible to make them look cute and cement their appearance in my head. And that was that.

I also drew a little from a lot of different fandoms, mostly by accident. The little guys share characteristics with the Wisps from _Sonic Colors,_ Chaos from _Sonic Adventure_ , Manaphy from _Pokémon Ranger and the Temple of the Sea_ , the squids from _Splatoon_ , and this one race of flying octopus aliens from an old sci-fi series about a robot called Norby.

* * *

 **mangamaker314:**

 _1\. cats or dogs?_

They both have good points, but cats. They're chiller, cuter as babies, and they don't bark.

 _2\. how do you feel about the new veggietales (since you're a christian)?_

You mean the Netflix ones? Well, I haven't actually seen any (no have Netflix), but based on the commercials—OH HECK NO. Larry is TERRIFYING. In all the promotional art his eyes stare chillingly into the very fiber of my soul . . .

 _3\. were/are you homeschooled?_

Was, actually! Does it show?

 _4\. do you know what blimey cow is?_

Mhm, it's a YouTube channel. I think I've seen two of their videos.

 _5\. what's your spirit animal?_

Eh, I don't really get the deal with that spirit animal shtick, but—since I _am_ an authorjelly—the jellyfish! And all the guts, brains, and backbone this implies.

 _6\. are you an only child or do you have siblings?_

I haz siblings.

 _7\. when did you get involved in the ninjago fandom?_

Right after the pilots, I think. I picked up the second graphic novel, "Mask of the Sensei," at the library, and it all went downhill from there.

I didn't do fanfiction or any other fandom stuff until Rebooted, though. I didn't even know fandoms were a thing for most of my life.

 _8\. will you make a scratch account (lol you don't have to)_

Heh, sorry, but no. I kinda wouldn't know what to do with it, and I have enough going on as it is.

* * *

 **A/N: So that's them! Hope that answers what you guys wanted to know. :)**


	4. Request for BriarDIEZ

**First requeeeest! Comin' right up.**

 **BriarDIEZ, buddy, I've had this plot bunny forever. It's probably an octogenarian in rabbit years. It's actually set after Season 5, with Cole's new ghost crisis, completely disregarding Season 6 and all that comes after. It's also melodramatic as all heck, I'm afraid. Hope ya don't mind. ^_^''**

 **Without further ado!**

* * *

 **Request:** Gather up an aimlessly drifting plot bunny, and write a scene.

* * *

The thoughts were out of his control.

Avoiding water wasn't that hard, really. He got a knack for it. He got used to being a ghost. He could live forever, practically.

That was the first scary thought. He would outlive all the others, except maybe Zane.

One of the first things Cole did, when the fiasco with the Preeminent was over, was go back to Sensei Yang's temple. As he'd done at Chen's Factory, so he planned to do with Yang's chained students. The others joked that this kind of thing was going to become a Typical Cole Maneuver.

It didn't take too long. He took on Sensei Yang in a battle of wits; with a little help from his friends, he won. The legion of shackled ghosts went free, bursting out of the temple into the open air for the first time in untold years. It was a maelstrom of joy, that night, and yet Cole was chilled by how young most of the ghostly forms were. Few were even close to his age; some of them couldn't be older than Lloyd had been when they first met him. The cruelty of it was sickening.

And then the next scary thought: it must've been decades, yet all these ghosts were the same age they had been when they died. He would never grow any older.

His father wept when he found out. He tried to keep a stiff upper lip while the other ninja were there, told Cole he was proud of his heroism, made conversation as if nothing had happened, but when the others left he broke down. His son had essentially died, and he had lived to see it. Cole stood awash in misery, wishing with all his heart he could wipe his father's tears away, but afraid to even hug him. Afraid the tears would melt him away, and then he really would be dead. He tried to say something comforting, anything.

And he blurted out the next scary thought: He and his father would be together someday.

They all would, really. Ghosts were everywhere. Cole could see all of them now, not just the ones making themselves blatantly visible to the human eye. He saw the ghost of Zane's father, Dr. Julien. He saw the ghost of Garmadon, of Kai and Nya's parents. Of his own mother. He spoke with them all.

He didn't tell the others. He didn't know what to say.

There was a disconnect, steadily growing, between him and the other ninja. He felt rather horrible about it, really. They were all so kind to him, so willing to accept him after his transformation; so eager to make him feel that he was still part of the family. Zane offered him words of comfort, pointing out that they were both different now—and the quiet implication, they would both live forever. Kai and Lloyd were earnestly supportive, never hesitating to assure Cole he was still their brother. It was kind of funny, really—the fire ninja who'd hated the very idea of teamwork and the kid who'd hated all their guts in general, now the team's most devoted glue.

And Jay. Jay maybe did the best job of all—he didn't really change. He still teased and snarked and squabbled with Cole over trivialities, just like they always had. It was comfortingly familiar.

But despite all their efforts, Cole never felt truly at peace. As long as he had to devote all his concentration just to give a high-five, as long as someone's playful shove went right through him, he never would.

Gradually he spent more and more time in the company of other ghosts. It wasn't that he didn't like his friends anymore; he just needed to be able to really _touch_ another person sometimes. With the ghosts, he fit right in. There was no awkwardness, no barrier of materiality between them. He made some good friends.

And picked up another scary thought: He couldn't wait for his old friends to join him.

Zane, maybe not. But the others would die eventually, and then they would be ghosts too. And Cole couldn't wait.

He _really_ couldn't wait. Because, he realized, if they died of old age, they would be old ghosts. And then he would be stuck a teenager among his aged friends, disconnected by decades, for _eternity_.

This had to be about the same outlook Zane had for his future. Cole wondered how the Nindroid stood it. He didn't ask.

But the scary thoughts kept coming. It was harder to control your mind as a ghost, it seemed. If his friends died _now,_ he realized—while they were still his peers, not his elders—he wouldn't have to spend eternity feeling left behind. They'd be together, a tight-knit family forever.

And to his own horror, he wanted that. Wanted it too much. It had already started a little while they were battling Morro; even as he saved his brothers' lives, a little subconscious voice in the back of his head sighed wistfully.

And the whisper grew. It became a conscious thought. No matter how much he flailed it away, told himself it was a horrible, selfish, heartless idea to even have, he couldn't shake it. And then one day, when they were tangled up in one of their usual battles against menaces and a four-ton pillar was falling towards Kai—Cole hesitated. Knowing his friend was about to die, he froze, wondering if he truly wanted to save him.

In a mere second he shook it off and caught the pillar anyway and nobody even noticed. And Kai gave him a grateful smile, and Cole smiled back and said something smart-alecky, he didn't remember what.

But he had _hesitated_. He had _wanted his brother to die_.

And he couldn't make that thought go away.

Somewhere deep down, he knew that one of these days, it would win.


	5. Request for Elveron294

**Request for you, Elveron294! Hehe, I actually came up with the idea for this juuuuust before they released the trailer for Day of the Departed, with all its Season 5 callbacks. Convenient timing!**

 **I miss me some Season 5, actually.**

* * *

 **Request:** a one shot where one of the ninja is hit by a love potion, and is completely infatuated with one if the other guts-or a villan!-for an entire day.

* * *

"That's it, one sip at a time," coaxed Misako, smiling encouragingly. The young couple in front of her fidgeted awkwardly, casting each other hesitant glances, but continued to work away at the teacups they held.

Misako was quite pleased with herself. She had promised to support Wu in his new tea shop venture, and she was sure this would attract business: she had started offering a sort of couples therapy service using various magical and medicinal teas.

"I know, it's a little bitter," said Misako, preparing another teapot. She had several types of tea ready for this troubled couple—a little elfweed brew for gentle, honest communication, a little Seeker tea so they could see their happy future, a little terrasip petal preparation for an aphrodisiac. She was keeping a pot of bleeding heart tea as a last resort, too.

A wounded owl flew through the room, screaming. Behind it came Lloyd, desperately trying to snatch it. As the startled couple watched, teacups frozen in their hands, the green ninja made a deft jump and yanked the owl out of midair. Then he botched the landing and plowed feet-first into the arrangement of teapots.

"Lloyd!" cried Misako over the sound of smashing crockery.

Lloyd sat up, coughing and spluttering tea. The owl writhed furiously in his grip.

"S-sorry Mom." He smiled contritely up at her, dripping. "I was trying to bandage it."

"You could have been severely scalded," said Misako. "Oh, now you're bleeding . . . "

"Mommm, I'm okay." Lloyd clambered gingerly to his feet, holding one hand awkwardly where broken china had slashed it. "Not a big deal. I'll get it bandaged up." He bobbed his head apologetically at the young couple and disappeared.

"Maybe we should continue the session tomorrow," sighed Misako. As the couple disappered with even greater alacrity than Lloyd had, she bent to pick up a piece of shattered teapot.

"Oh dear . . . And that was the bleeding heart tea . . . "

* * *

Wu was doing some sighing of his own as he bandaged his youngest pupil's hand. The wounded owl was next in line for treatment, and instead of waiting its turn was busily savaging Wu's beard.

"We have already spoken about your practice of bringing home injured animals, Lloyd."

Lloyd mumbled something. His eyes were oddly distant, as if he was seeing something far away.

"Lloyd?" said Wu. "Lloyd. Are you listening to me?"

"Wh—wha?!" Lloyd shook his head violently, his eyes coming back into focus. "O-oh. I'm sorry, Sensei, I think some of my mom's tea was starting to kick in. I was . . . seeing things."

"What kind of things?"

"I don't know, I can't . . . can't really describe it . . . " Lloyd trailed off. "I'm fine now."

From the finality in his voice it was clear he wasn't going to talk about it. Wu sighed again.

"The animals, Lloyd. I commend your compassion, but there is a time and place."

"I know, Uncle Wu." There was a faint note of weariness to Lloyd's tone. He knew he was about to get a speech about how it simply wouldn't do for people to see the legendary Ultimate Spinjitzu Master tearing around getting into scrapes like a sixteen-year-old. Which he was.

Wu was quiet for a bit.

"You have an important legacy to uphold," he said at last. "I think you are old enough to start learning more about your lineage."

Lloyd dropped his gaze to the floor. Part of his lineage had just recently become unavailable.

"I know." Wu put a gentle hand on his shoulder. "I think it is a little too soon to talk about your father. But you can begin to learn about your grandfather, the First Spinjitzu Master."

He gave Lloyd a scroll and left, the owl ensconced comfortably in his beard. Lloyd sighed and looked half-heartedly at the scroll's title.

"Realm Crystal . . . " he murmured. "Sixteen realms? A hidden tomb? . . . "

More interested than he was willing to admit, he unrolled the scroll and began to read.

* * *

"Lloyd? Lloyyyyyyyd?" Jay tapped at the younger ninja's forehead. "Lloyd!"

"Woah!" Lloyd snapped back into the real world.

"Get with the program, pal!" said Jay. "We have to leave to hunt down that mutant Fangfish in half an hour, and you're supposed to be leading us!"

"Sorry, sorry," said Lloyd. "I'm ready."

"What's gotten you so spaced-out?" asked Jay curiously. Lloyd looked in both directions, then gulped and lowered his voice.

"I think . . . I think I'm in love."

"WHAT?"

"Shhhh!"

Jay reined himself in.

"With who?" he demanded in a whisper.

"I don't even know. I spilled a lot of my mom's weird couple-therapy teas on myself this morning, and they gave me . . . I think it was a vision of the future or something. But it was really blurry and strange, I couldn't see who it was. But . . . whoever it was, I was really in love with them. REALLY really really."

"You're kidding," said Jay. He eyed Lloyd a little oddly; usually the green ninja had absolutely no patience for romance. It felt kinda weird to hear him talking about love. "So, if you don't even know who you're in love with . . . ?"

"I don't know _yet_." Lloyd set his jaw. "But I have to make my future vision come true so I can see them. Somehow I just . . . I know what I have to do. I'm gonna make my vision happen. We're gonna be together, and it's gonna be wonderful . . . "

"Ohhh boy." Jay shook his head woefully as Lloyd dropped into a happy reverie again. "If you're not careful, pal, you're gonna end up like me."

* * *

Lloyd stumbled and pitched over, his head blazing with pain. This day just got worse and worse. He'd already been running around in a distracted lovesick state, struggling to push away thoughts of . . . _whoever_ his future true love was . . . so he could lead properly while they caught the Fangfish. Now there was a ghost possessing him. Definitely not his day.

He gave a strangled yelp as he felt Morro's mind fuse with his own, like two soap bubbles merging. His brain dropped into a bizarre brain-and-a-half mode, partially sharing his and Morro's thoughts, partially splitting them. He knew subconsciously that Morro could see through his eyes now . . . Yet at the same time it just felt like seeing through his _own._

The new quasi-ghost held out his hands in front of him, getting used to having a physical body again. This new vessel was a lot more fit and limber than that batty old security guard he—well, half of himself—had previously inhabited. Speaking of which, the poor security guard had passed out from fright in the corner when he saw Lloyd getting possessed.

"Right," said Morro, taking a few experimental steps. "Now to find Sensei and show him a thing or two."

He strode for the door, his expression grim. After a moment though, his steps faltered, and he felt at his head.

"Why the heck do I feel like I'm in love? . . . "

* * *

Steep Wisdom was already in sight when Morro was forced to stop. His new vessel was not cooperating.

Stomping off into a clearing, he loosened his grip on Lloyd's mind. The force of the young ninja's resistance physically threw Morro backwards out of his body. Lloyd himself staggered, then keeled over in the other direction. Exhausted from fighting the ghost's possession, he rolled over to glare at him warily, panting.

Morro glared back with equal vigor.

"What is _wrong_ with you?" he demanded. "Are you in love or something?"

"You bet." Lloyd scowled defiantly, glad that he was messing with this psycho ghost's mind.

"Ughhhh. Incredible." Morro held his head. "I _finally_ get to have my revenge, and it turns out the Green Ninja is a lovesick moron."

"It's my _soulmate_ ," retorted Lloyd. " . . . I think."

Morro groaned, rubbing his temples.

"I think being inside your head is actually messing with my brain . . . Now I can't even remember what the plan was."

Lloyd mumbled noncommitally, edging away. Maybe he could escape and warn Sensei and the others . . .

Morro continued to mutter to himself.

"I was just going to get revenge on the old man, right? No, wait, wait . . . was there a Realm Crystal mixed up in this somewhere? I could have sworn . . . Why would I want a crystal? . . . "

Lloyd had gotten to a fair distance by now without making a sound. He pushed himself to his feet and tried to make a run for it. Morro reacted immediately, diving to tackle the green ninja to the ground.

"Bad ninja," he growled, smirking. Lloyd only had a few seconds to struggle before the ghost's will flowed into his muscles and their minds again melted into one.

Still slightly winded, the human-ghost amalgamate stood up and dusted off his hands.

"Okay, now I've got it," he said. "First get Sensei. Then find the Realm Crystal and release the Preeminent. Pretty sure that was the plan."

That said, he headed onwards to Steep Wisdom.

* * *

The effects of bleeding heart tea wore off after only a day, but unfortunately Morro's scrambled mind was made up. He did a regrettably good job getting hold of that Realm Crystal, too.

Lloyd felt personally responsible, in a way, as he watched the Preeminent staggering through the wreckage of Stiix. Morro would never have attempted this if he hadn't gotten his own revenge plans tangled with Lloyd's lovesick fantasies. Heck, that guy _hated_ the Cursed Realm. He'd been trapped in it for decades. On his own, he would have never dreamed of helping the very embodiment of the Cursed Realm escape and conquer the universe. That part was Lloyd's fault.

Still, as he slashed aside the Preeminent's tentacles with the Sword of Sanctuary, he hoped Jay wouldn't remember to ask him about their earlier romance conversation. He did not feel like explaining how he'd fallen in love with _that._

* * *

 **A/N: So, the short version:**

 **Lloyd gets hit by vision tea and love tea at the same time, has a vision of the Preeminent, and falls madly in love with her. When Morro possessed him, he just wanted to get revenge on his former Sensei and the current Green Ninja by killing them. But being inside Lloyd's head when he's so love-crazy affects Morro's mind as well; because Lloyd wants to be with the Preeminent, Morro starts to think his revenge plan involves freeing the Preeminent and making her queen of the universe. He even has access to the stuff Lloyd learned about the Realm Crystal** — **and even when Lloyd's love spell wears off, Morro's new revenge plan remains. Cue the rest of Season 5.**

 **I REGRET NOTHINNNNNNNG!**


	6. Request for Moonlight mm123

**Alllll righty, for Moonlight mm123! We explore the aftermath of Cliff Gordon's adventures playing Knock Knock Ginger with babies.**

 **Ergh. I had to acknowledge thumbs for this one. I considered dancing around it with terminology that would permit for clamp hands, but pshaw! Not worth it. At least for the duration of this one-shot, thumbs exist. :P**

* * *

 **Request:** Ed and Edna find baby Jay on their doorstep.

* * *

"Gosh darn these rats," said Ed, opening the trailer door at an unholy hour of the night. "What in tarnation are they fightin' about n—"

At this moment his foot caught on something soft and he pitched down the trailer stairs.

"Ed? Ed?" Edna appeared in the dimly lit doorway, wrapped in a shawl. "Land sakes, Ed, are you all right? Are the rats winning?"

"Watch your step, dear!" said Ed, rubbing his head. "There's something on the doorstep."

"Oh my word!" Edna took a step back hastily. "Oh, let me turn on the lights!"

The outside lamp of the trailer clicked on feebly. Then it died in a spray of sparks.

"Oh, for heaven's sake." Some rummaging, and Edna appeared with a flashlight, shining it on the steps. A moment later she gave a little shriek. "Ed! It's a baby!"

"Eh? A baby rat?"

"No, for heaven's sake—a _baby!_ " Edna was already gathering up the tiny whimpering bundle. "Oh, Ed, it's so light! It's so small!"

She disappeared inside. A bewildered Ed took the stairs back into the trailer two at a time and found Edna in the kitchen fussing over the baby, unwrapping the cloths bound around it.

"Look at this!" she said, waving a small packet. Ed squinted at it in the dim light of the kitchen ceiling lamp.

"A key, some kinda address, and . . . 'His name is Jay'?" He blinked. "Gosh darn it. Who just names their baby and leaves him on a doorstep?"

"A monster, that's who!" Edna stroked the baby's soft fluff of pale hair, trying to soothe him. He was barely audible. "Ohh, the poor thing, he must be so hungry! He can't even cry right."

"We have to get him some baby formula." Ed set his jaw. "Get a shawl, Edna. I'll fire up the jalopy."

"Ed, it's three AM!"

"I know a 24-hour supermarket in Mondejon."

"Oh Ed," fretted Edna, already bundling on her shawl and hurrying down the trailer steps after her husband. "That's more than two hours away . . . "

Ed pulled down his goggles and took hold of the wheel.

"We'll see about that."

Ed drove like one possessed. Edna sat tight in the passenger seat, keeping baby Jay huddled inside her shawl to keep him warm and away from the clouds of sand the jalopy was kicking up. The infant whimpered and squirmed at first, but eventually was lulled to sleep by Edna's heartbeat and the swaying of the car. His tiny hand wrapped around Edna's finger as he slept.

"Poor little darling . . . " Edna stroked his hair again and pulled out the packet that had been included in his blankets. Her expression hardened as she looked at the address.

"We're not goin' there, little one," she said, tucking the packet away again. "Whoever abandons a little peanut like you doesn't deserve to have ya."

* * *

The 24-hour supermarket was shady as all get out. Normally both the Walkers would have been terrified to go in there, but right now they were beyond noticing things like that. Once they found a baby bottle and a tin of infant formula that wasn't overdue or otherwise sketchy-looking, Edna didn't think twice about demanding that the shopkeeper—a grizzled biker dude—let them into the back room to wash the bottle and prepare the formula. Then she stood formidably in a corner feeding baby Jay, glaring at anyone who looked at them cross-eyed, while Ed went around the store looking for diapers.

If a baby had to be left on someone's doorstep, admittedly the Walkers' was an ideal doorstep to choose. They had always wanted children of their own, so they had done plenty of research on infant care in the vague hope that it would increase their chances somehow. They knew to give a baby formula and not milk, to only put him to sleep on his back, to never give him a soft mattress or blankets to prevent suffocation. For lack of better options they put him in a box, just for the first night.

Edna sighed happily, sitting down in her carseat armchair to rock the baby to sleep. Meanwhile Ed put away the jalopy and hung up the keys.

"He's so sweet, Ed," Edna cooed, brushing one finger across the baby's cheek. His wide blue eyes drifted over her face as he sucked his thumb, slowly becoming drowsy.

"He is pretty adorable," agreed Ed, setting down the grocery bags and cricking his back with a relieved sigh.

"Oh dear, that won't last a week," said Edna. "Was that the largest pack of diapers that store had?"

"No honey, but I didn't think we'd need the large one."

"Wouldn't need?" Edna stiffened. "Ed dear, you don't mean we're not keepin' him?"

"Well, I—"

"What else would we do? Abandon him again?"

Stirred by Edna's sharp tone, baby Jay began to cry again, a little more heartily this time. Edna hastened to soothe him, but she still glared at Ed over the baby's head.

"There are safe havens, Edna," said Ed gently. "You can leave a baby at a hospital or police station, and they'll make sure he gets good care. By professionals. I know it's not easy, Edna, but—but we just can't raise a little tyke like this ourselves."

"Why not?" Edna's voice was calm but taut. "We always wanted a baby, Ed. All those years prayin' for a kid of our own! And now we suddenly get a chance, fate just _gives_ us this baby, and you just—!"

Ed sighed, sitting down in the chair next to his wife's.

"Edna, honey," he said quietly. "Look at us. We're getting old."

Edna said nothing, her eyes fixed on the floor. She knew her husband's face by heart: the lines that seemed to deepen every day, the gray hairs multiplying at the fringes of his face. In her pocket she felt the spectacles she never used to need.

"We may not be around long enough to raise him," said Ed softly. "And think of his future. We're barely scraping by as it is—we're running a junkyard, Edna. He'd grow up poor, maybe even hungry. He'd have no friends within sixty miles. He'd have to tell his schoolmates he was raised on a scrap heap. And think of all the dangers here—metal, broken glass, heavy machinery, scorpions, sandswimmers. Is this any place to raise a kid?"

Edna still said nothing, her jaw tight. Jay slept on her shoulder. In the silence you could hear the clock ticking, the soft scuffling of rats and settling of metal outside.

"I want to keep him too, honey," said Ed at last. "But we have to think about what's best for _him_. What can we give him that child services couldn't?"

Another pause.

"We could love him," said Edna fiercely. "We could care for him the way no orphanage could. Who knows if any foster parents would want him? Who knows if they'd treat him right? What if he spent his whole childhood movin' from one family to another, knowing that nobody ever wanted him right from the minute he was born?"

Ed said nothing.

"We can do it, Ed. Better than anyone," said Edna. "We can hold off on repairing the fence and equipment a few years, they're not going anywhere. I'll mend our clothes more. Soon that big highway is gonna come through here, and we'll get so many more customers. We can make it."

Ed sighed, wavering.

"Come on, Ed," said Edna, her eyes pleading. "Say we can do this. Say you believe it."

Ed bit his lip one final time, but at last smiled and dipped his head in concession.

"If you think we can do it, sweetheart—I know we can."

Edna broke into a smile, her eyes filling with tears. Ed shifted closer to wrap an arm around her, and she rested her head on his shoulder.

"You won't regret it, Ed?" she said quietly. "You want this too?"

"Course, sweetheart. He's as good as ours now." Ed gave a soft breath of laughter, brushing the infant's knuckles till the tiny hand reflexively opened and clasped his finger. "This one's gonna do great things someday."

* * *

 **A/N: Sure, Cliff Gordon picked Jay's name. With full knowledge of the Walkers' last name. He's a shmurg like that.**

 **I'm not gonna lie, writing the Walkers was really challenging! Especially since I had to strike a balance between them being their usual batty selves while also being clear candidates for caring, competent parents. It was fun to see it come together, though! How'd I do?**

 **And I have no doubts that Jay was "so gosh-darned cute," but I hope to heavens that the Walkers didn't base their decision to keep him solely upon that. I expect those two to make a responsible, carefully thought-through assessment of whether they're the best people to raise this child. Please and thank you!**


	7. Request for star's dreams

**For you, star's dreams!**

 **This was actually a very old idea I had about Jay's childhood. Right after Season 5 aired, I'd been dabbling with the idea of writing about the childhoods of the five ninja, Ronin, and Morro. This one was gonna be Jay's toddler story. The whole project kind of fizzled out in the end, so it's nice to have a chance to put it out there!**

 **. . . Notice,** ** _right after_** **Season 5. I had no idea Season 6 would introduce canon sandswimmers, I** ** _swear_** **. Get out of my head, Hagemans.**

* * *

 **Request:** Adventures of Jay and his pet Rat

* * *

The sun was beating down on the desert sands, bouncing back in a blinding glow. Heat shimmered through the air. Somewhere in the dancing mass of blue, gold, and white, a tall wooden fence stood, surrounding mounds of battered scrap metal. A little yellow trailer, looking vaguely like something the Beatles would sing about, stood in the midst of it.

The door of the trailer opened, and a four-year-old boy stumped out, taking his time with the trailer steps.

"Stay where you can hear me, sweetie!" called his mother. "Lunch will be ready soon."

"Okay!" he shouted over his shoulder. As he reached the bottom of the steps, there was a sudden scuffling from a nearby pile of scrap. A long gray form scampered into sight, leaped up to grasp the front of the small boy's shirt, and clambered nimbly onto the top of his head.

"Hey!" He giggled, disentangling the rodent's claws from his hair. "Bad rat, Choo."

Choo chattered and crawled down Jay's back, hoping to find a treat hidden in his pockets. Laughing, Jay scooped his pet up to his shoulder and headed towards the nearest mountain of battered metal.

The junkyard was a glorious place for a four-year-old to play. Sure, to an adult it would seem like an endless series of death traps, opportunities for a child to twist an ankle, fall, be crushed, cut himself on sharp metal or broken glass. But to an innocent youngster, unburdened with dark thoughts about all that could happen, it was like a massive hybrid of a jungle gym, a treasure trove, and a castle. Ever since he'd been able to walk, Jay had been dashing around the junkyard trying to climb and explore everything in sight. His mother still wasn't fully comfortable with letting him play in such a dangerous environment, but where else could he go? They were surrounded by desert in every direction—desert he was strictly forbidden to venture into alone.

Jay clambered to the top of the tallest heap of scrap, fighting imaginary dragons all the way, shouting "kapow!" and "take that!" and lots of fancy battle cries like on TV. Choo clung patiently to his shoulder, his long tail swishing. Dragons did not impress him.

At the apex of the metallic mountain, Jay looked out across the desert and fell still. After a moment he plunked down comfortably, allowing Choo to climb atop his head again, and gazed silently through the ripples of heat for a while.

"Pa says that's the way to Ninjago City, Choo," he said, pointing into the distance. "It's a big, beautiful, place, he says, with lots of people, and buildings even taller than the scrapheaps. So tall you can't see the top, Choo! And someday he says he'll take me there."

Choo nibbled the youngster's ear gently, uninterested in the glories of Ninjago City.

"And someday, when I'm big," said Jay, drumming his heels against the metal beneath him, "I'm gonna go live there. I'm gonna be famous, and get a big house you can't see the top of, and one for Ma and Pa too. And a little rat-sized house just for you! You'll be the luckiest rat in the world."

Choo squeaked. Now this he approved of! Jay stroked the soft fur between the rat's ears for a moment, his eyes lazily sweeping the desert below. Then he stiffened. For a moment he squinted at a distant speck traveling across the desert, his small forehead furrowed; then his face lit up and he leaped to his feet.

"Uncle Esmund!" he shouted. "Uncle Esmund is coming!" Whirling, he tumbled and slip-slid recklessly down the scrap heap, then tore across the junkyard still yelling "Uncle Esmund! Uncle Esmund!" Choo bounced behind him.

"Ma! Pa!" Jay screamed elatedly, hammering on the door of the trailer. "Uncle Esmund!" Then he hurled himself towards the front gates and scrambled atop a junkheap so he could look over the fence and watch the dusty Jeep approaching the junkyard. As the Jeep turned aside to park, Jay jumped up and down atop his perch, waving his arms and yelling to the driver. When Ed finally unlocked the gates and Jay's favorite uncle stepped in, the youngster practically flew across the junkyard to trap his legs in a death hug.

"Hi, Uncle Esmund!" he whooped.

"Well, well, look who's here," chuckled the grizzle-haired man known (repeatedly) as Uncle Esmund. "JayJay!"

"Fly me, Uncle Esmund, fly!" insisted the four-year-old, holding out his arms, and his uncle obligingly scooped him up and swung him around in the air, making airplane noises. He grunted slightly as he set Jay back down.

"Ho, you're gettin' to be a big boy, JayJay. You might have to find a real airplane soon!"

Jay giggled. "Didja see sandswimmers in the desert, Uncle Esmund? Didja hafta fight any?!"

"Nope, no sandswimmers," said his uncle. "I think the critters have finally gone extinct, dam—darn their hides," he amended, and looked sheepishly back at his brother-in-law. Ed chuckled ruefully, coming over and clapping him on the back.

"Good ta see you again, Es. Don't suppose you'll be wanting some spare parts for that Jeep of yours?"

"Always welcome," laughed Esmund. "But I'm here about the trucking contract. Now that the sandswimmers haven't been sighted in so long, they want to put a proper road through here at last, and you folks need to arrange the legalities for the part of land you own."

"Ezzie!" Edna hurried out of the trailer, wiping her hands on a dishcloth, and kissed Esmund on the cheek. "Come on in, I'll get you something nice and cold!"

"Can I see your Jeep, Uncle Esmund?" Jay added to the commotion, tugging at his uncle's shirt.

"Woah, woah, tiger," laughed Esmund, ruffling his hair. "Hey, your poor old uncle's gotta take care of some paperwork first. I promise I'll show you the Jeep after that. And if you're good, I'll take you on a ride in it!"

"Ooooh, boy!" Jay bounced with excitement. "I'll be good, I'll be good!"

He watched, chafing at the delay, as the adults headed into the trailer. Uncle Esmund's rugged Jeep was _almost_ as cool as Uncle Esmund himself, and Jay knew how long grown-up business matters always took. Not trusting himself to stay quiet and good indoors, he stayed out in the junkyard, playing tag with Choo.

As time wore on, his impatience grew. A hot desert breeze blew through the junkyard, and a sudden creaking sound caught the youngster's ear. He turned around and saw that—wonder of wonders!—the junkyard gate had blown slightly open in the wind. His father must have forgotten to lock it!

For a second Jay stood staring at the gate, watching it rock on its hinges. Then, almost unconsciously, he began to drift towards it. Uncle Esmund's Jeep was just outside those gates. Maybe he could at least have a look at it. Just one look, and come right back in before anyone noticed! It would tide him over until the promised tour.

A desert spider scuttled away as the junkyard gate creaked slowly outwards. A beat, then a small rusty-brown head poked out, looking cautiously around the wide stretch of sand.

The Jeep was parked a distance away, its hood glittering dustily in the desert sun. Jay gazed at it reverently. Slowly he stepped outside the gate. His feet seemed to draw him forward of their own accord. With one final glance over his shoulder, he darted to the Jeep, Choo trailing behind. Just a quick look! Just one.

The Jeep was even more amazing up-close. Jay circled it, trailing his fingers over the bumpers, admiring the rollbars and the tough, knubbly tires. He had his familial loyalty to the old jalopy, of course, but this was one handsome car.

Feeling a kind of illicit thrill at his little secret disobedience, he turned to head back into the junkyard. Just at that second, though, the sand shivered oddly beneath him. He stopped, looking around uneasily. Then the ground gave a distinct ripple beneath his feet. He gasped, his heart starting to beat furiously fast.

Sandswimmers.

Whirling around, Jay hurtled towards the junkyard gates as fast as his four-year-old legs could take him. The junkyard was built over a huge buried tarp of sorts, a thick canvas sheet overlaid with a foot or two of sand. It kept the sandswimmers from burrowing in; he'd be safe there. From the corner of his eye he glimpsed the sand behind him heaving up in a long furrow as the buried monster tracked his footsteps.

Then it surfaced. A massive wormlike bulk reared into the air, bellowing hellishly, crusted with scales, as thick around as a car tire, sand streaming off it like water. Instead of a head it had three hinged tooth-lined segments surrounding a gaping hole of a mouth, like the petals of some ghastly man-eating flower. No eyes; it tracked its prey by sound, by vibrations in the ground, by the coolness of a little body against the hot sand.

It lunged. Jay hurled himself aside just in time, sprawling headlong as the beast's three-pointed maw plowed into the sand inches away. Sobbing for breath, the youngster rolled over and scrabbled backwards as the sandswimmer wallowed ponderously after him.

"PA!" screamed Jay. "Pa, Ma, Uncle Esmund! Helllllllllp!"

In the distance he heard the trailer door slamming open, a cry of horror as the adults spied the sandswimmer's ugly form looming beyond the fence. The creature lunged again, teeth clacking, bowling Jay over as its head grazed his small body. He slammed back against the junkyard fence with a cry, the air jolting from his lungs. The sandswimmer swung up again and loomed over him, hissing. Jay squeezed his eyes shut—waited for the blow—for the sharp teeth to sink through him—but instead he heard his father giving a furious yell, and the thud of a scaly hide being struck.

His eyes flew open, and he saw his father and uncle bearing down on the sandswimmer with metal bars, beating the monster back. Edna flew in and seized Jay up in her arms, her eyes wild.

"Get inside!" bellowed Uncle Esmund above the screaming of the sandswimmer. "Go!"

"Choo!" shrieked Jay, reaching out desperately to the rat floundering in the sand. "Choo!" But his mother was already running back towards the trailer, diving inside, slamming the door behind them. She crumpled to the floor, clutching Jay in her arms as she trembled.

"Ma," said Jay tearfully. Outside the sandswimmer's roars mingled with the sound of shattering metal as the beast pursued Ed and Esmund over the sand into the junkyard.

"Ma, what's happening?" Jay pleaded. She shook her head, holding him close and stroking his hair. Jay snuggled against her, shivering. He wasn't scared for his father and uncle; he knew they would be all right. Why, they were invincible! Nothing in the world was stronger and tougher than his dad, and Uncle Esmund as well. But his mother was scared, and that made him scared too. And what would happen to poor Choo?

After what seemed like forever, silence fell. Slow footsteps sounded on the stairs, and the trailer door swung open. Ed stood in the doorway, exhausted and battered. Edna gave a muffled cry and sprang up to embrace him; Jay hugged him too, then gave an eager cry of "Choo!" as his pet snaked through the door. He scooped the rat up and gave it a relieved hug.

Meanwhile Edna was drawing back, looking over her husband's shoulder. Then she raised wide, frightened eyes to his face. Ed shook his head silently. Edna's hand slowly rose to her mouth.

"Pa?" said Jay softly from the floor. "Where's Uncle Esmund?"

Ed said nothing, looking hopelessly at his wife.

"Where is he, Pa?" repeated Jay, getting up and heading towards the door. His father reached out and stopped him.

"Uncle Esmund had to . . . go away for a bit," he said slowly.

"Go away?" Jay looked up with wide, perplexed eyes. "But why?"

"Son—"

"He said he would show me his Jeep first!" insisted Jay. "Why did he go away, Pa? Is he—is he mad at me?"

"N . . . no, son." Ed ran a hand down his face, his voice faltering. "Go to your room for a little bit, okay?"

"But Uncle Esmund—"

"Go." It wasn't a harsh command, but it was sterner than Jay had ever heard his father's voice before. Swallowing, the child picked up his pet and obeyed.

In his room, however, he wasn't idle.

"Be very quiet, Choo," he whispered, raising a finger to his lips as he pulled the cover off an air vent in his wall. Slipping the rat into his pocket, he crawled into the vent and wriggled his way upwards until the other end of the vent offered him a glimpse of the common room. Softly he slithered forward on his stomach and pressed his face against the grated cover.

He saw his mother sinking into his father's arms, her shoulders shaking silently. He heard his father's voice, oddly broken and strained, murmuring "I'm so sorry, Edna. It happened so fast, I—I couldn't—I couldn't." He stroked his wife's back slowly, his mouth buried in her hair. "He didn't feel a thing, Edna. I promise you he never felt a thing."

Jay lay silent in the air vent, Choo's whiskers quivering by his face. His heart was cold and heavy inside him. He didn't understand, didn't know what was wrong; but somewhere in the back of his head a chilling realization was dawning. Even now, a tiny part of him knew.

The world changed for him that day. The comforting, safely organized illusion fell away, and he glimpsed the darker side of life. He realized it was unpredictable. Uncontrollable. Bad things happened, terrible things that snatched away all that was good and happy, and there was nothing you could do to stop them.

He never saw Uncle Esmund again.


	8. Request for FropessionalWriter

**For you, FropessionalWriter! Sorry this one took a little longer; I love fluffies, but my writing skills have a bad habit of choking the minute I acknowledge to myself that I'm writing them. ^_^''**

 **So, this was technically a "deleted scene" from the original story, right after the ninja find each other in the tunnels, while they're still using the raft to travel. You might recognize a few of the lines at the beginning. I put them in so you can tell exactly where this would go if it'd been left in. :)**

* * *

 **Request:** Cole and Jay fluffies

* * *

"'ey, Zaptrap." Cole gave him a smile as he shifted towards the front of the group. He lowered his voice. "How's your head?"

"My head? I didn't hit my head."

"No, I mean—" Cole tapped surreptitiously at his temple. "Do you still have all your marbles?"

"Oh." Jay chuckled. "Yeah, sure. I think I even gained a few."

"Really? You were freaking out just at the _thought_ of the roof falling in, I was sure if it actually happened . . . " Cole shook his head with a rueful laugh. "And after I swore it wouldn't fall in, too. I can see why you don't trust me."

"Wait, what?" Jay gave a disbelieving snort. "Where's that coming from?"

"You said you didn't."

Jay blinked at him incredulously.

"Wait. Back when we first went down that mine shaft? Has it been eating you _all this time?_ "

"Uh . . . 'course not."

"You're not serious." Jay looked at him incredulously. "Ever since then? I thought you were acting weird!"

"I wasn't . . . "

"Yeah you were. Dude, you're not allowed to get neurotic about stuff like that. _I_ get neurotic about stuff like that!"

"It's not neurotic," mumbled Cole, looking like he wished this conversation were over. "I'm the leader. It's my job to make sure this team functions perfectly. I mean, I figured we'd all been through enough that trust wouldn't be a problem, so now I have no idea how I'm supposed to fix—"

"Noooooo, shut up shut up shut up," interrupted Jay, waving him down. "No more. Shush. Not how it works."

"Okay, all right, nevermind."

Jay hesitated. Cole's tone made it clear this wasn't a discussion he wanted to have, and Jay wasn't all that keen on pursuing it himself. And admittedly . . . well, for just a second, he'd felt the _tiniest_ bit gratified. It was darkly satisfying to think that a few words could put such a dent in the unshakeable master of earth.

Jay shook his head hastily, derailing that train of thought. After Cole had been so patient with him in these mines, claustrophobia and all, that was just downright unfair. He owed him an explanation.

"Look, seriously," he sighed. Cole gave a muffled growl, but Jay continued doggedly. "Quit stewing, wouldja? We're all fine trusting each other with our _lives_ and stuff. It's just the small things."

Cole gave him a "how stupid do you think I am?" look.

"Really. That's how it works," said Jay. "I mean . . . geez . . . look. You'd trust us not to put poison in your sandwich, right?"

"Should I not?" said Cole drily. He rolled his eyes at the annoyed look Jay gave him. "Okay, so yeah. I guess. As of now."

"Fine," said Jay, trying to be patient. "How about hot sauce?"

" . . . Huh." A faint smile flicked across Cole's face before he could catch it.

"And I don't see you stealing _strangers'_ pudding cups," said Jay.

"Don't tell me you're still mad about that?"

"Hey, like I said, being neurotic is my job. But on-topic, you wouldn't push anyone into a lava pit, right?"

"Not if I could help it."

"Swimming pool?"

"Okay, okay." Cole held up his free hand, smiling in spite of himself. "I get it. But what about Sensei Wu?"

"What about him?"

"Well, that was one of the things he always said: 'He who cannot be trusted with little cannot be trusted with much.' But now you're saying the opposite, and it's making a weird amount of sense."

"Oh, that." Jay hesitated a moment, checking over his shoulder. Even down here, miles underground, you never could tell with Sensei. Then he leaned closer and whispered conspiratorially, "I hate to say this, but those wise sayings Sensei Wu has? They _aren't always true._ "

"What?" Cole looked scandalized.

"I mean, they're good advice and all," Jay rattled on, keeping his voice low. "But sometimes they even contradict each other. Like sometimes he says 'Too many cooks spoil the soup,' but sometimes he says 'Many hands make light work.' Remember?"

"Oh gosh," said Cole.

"And he says 'Haste makes waste . . . '" put in Kai, who heard this phrase a lot.

"But 'He who hesitates is lost,'" finished Zane.

"Knowledge is power," said Jay.

"—Ignorance is bliss."

"The pen is mightier than the sword?"

"Actions speak louder than words."

"Oh _gosh_ ," said Cole. He looked like part of his world had just been turned on its head.

"I know, right?" Jay shook his head glumly. "I still haven't gotten over it myself. I always thought Sensei was _always_ right."

They walked in uneasy silence for a few seconds.

"He's still great though, right?" said Cole at last, half-smiling.

"Obviously." Jay grinned back. "Now. Can we end this conversation and never bring it up again?"

"Please."

"Just say something next time, all right? I don't read minds. I thought you didn't worry about stuff like that."

"I _don't_ ," said Cole. "Just, I don't know. Sometimes it's just a normal conversation and . . . "

" . . . And this one stupid thing someone says randomly gets to you?" Jay groaned. "Great. Wonderful. You're turning into me, dirtclod. Don't do it. Don't be me. Being me is a miserable experience."

"Is it?" Cole snorted.

"The worst," said Jay sternly. Still, after a moment of walking in silence, he cleared his throat and found a good wall to look at.

"Still. I oughta start watching my big mouth. That's like the second time in two days that I've freaked someone out."

Cole waved him off casually, understanding that was as close to an apology as he was going to get.

"He's got a point," said Lloyd from his perch on the raft. He glanced over to Skales Junior. "Maybe we should all be more careful what we say. It's getting to the point that we're frightening small children."

"What have you heard." Kai feigned a suspicious glare. Lloyd grinned serenely.

"Well, it's not a bad idea, but what's the other option?" said Cole. "Talking like normal human beings? We wouldn't last a day."

"I bet we could," said Lloyd. "We can try it now. Nobody say anything sarcastic for the rest of the trip, okay?"

It said something about their lifestyle that the experiment only lasted about twenty minutes.

* * *

 **A/N: My pals ServineLuvr, FireLord54, and I all joke that Sensei Wu has gained most of his wisdom from tea. Literally. There's an herbal tea company that prints sappy bits of advice on the paper tabs of its teabags (stuff like "whatever you're doing now is the most important thing"), and we joke that Wu just gets his aphorisms from there. You could also at various points in history find mawkish little proverbs on the lids of yogurt cups, the wrappers of Dove chocolates, and the wooden sticks of Dove ice cream bars. Collect enough of those and you could be as wise as Sensei Wu too!**

 **. . . Jay's in no position to judge, though. He probably gets all his jokes from Laffy Taffy wrappers. :P**


	9. We're Not Even In New Mexico

**A/N: Quick bonus one-shot, as promised! I'm giving you guys this information on the good faith that you're responsible adults and won't use it to open a venom distillery in your backyard. A'ight? :P**

 **This one is a deleted scene from Chapter 50, right after Jay gets his shoulder treated. Also, packaged venom looks like those fancy little pods of laundry detergent they sell nowadays.**

* * *

"Sooo, Kai." Jay adjusted his new bandages and supported himself gingerly on a box. He eyed the plump green pockets of slobber stacked inside it, like tabs of prescription pills. "Since we're all back here anyway, how about you give us some education on Venomari spit?"

"Ahh, I dunno." Kai took a step back. "I don't really know that much."

"We know less."

"Better to stay that way."

"Come onnnn, we need to know what we're dealing with!"

Kai looked away, shrugging tersely, and scooped up a packet of green liquid.

"Not much to say. This is your brain, this is your brain on drugs—" he pitched the packet at a wall, where it splattered "—any questions?"

"Several." Jay folded his arms. "How do they get the slobber? Do they process it before packing? How do they pack it? How do you use it? How dangerous is it? What are the symptoms? How can you tell if someone's a user?"

Kai groaned.

"Not in front of the kid . . . " He made a final protest.

"I'll be putting him to bed soon," said Lloyd. "Besides. This is something he should know too."

Kai looked around, then gave a deep sigh and nodded in acquiescence.

"All right. Fine. I'll tell you what I know." He pulled out another little plastic-wrapped globule. "So, this is slobber. A packet like this holds about half a standard squirt of venom, so the average Venomari can fill two, maybe three of these packets a day. Some Venomari are 'droolers'; those can produce up to six or seven packets a day. I know droolers are a really big deal. The thugs I saw were always talking about this or that drooler they wanted to recruit. I bet snake parents worry when they see their kid is producing a lot of venom, because that kid is going to get pressured by slobber recruiters like you wouldn't believe.

"Venom usually isn't processed much before it's packaged. Sometimes they like to let it stand a little or maybe heat it a tiny bit, to evaporate some of the water and make it stronger. Little shrink-wrapped gel packets like this are actually pretty rare—most slobber providers don't have the equipment to package it like this. Thugs will sell scale juice in old yogurt cups, water bottles, even those little foil juice packets. It really doesn't matter, as long as you can slap it on your skin."

"That's all?" said Cole. "Just rub it on?"

"If you really need a high, yeah," said Kai, not looking up. "Some weirdoes try to be fancy about it or something, claim it has better effects if you use a paintbrush or a sponge or whatever to apply it. Creepy. But honestly it doesn't matter, you'll get the same effects either way. High, disoriented, hallucinating, delusional, the works."

"Like you were, that one time when we were fighting the Serpentine in the Toxic Bogs?" ventured Jay.

"Mm." Kai shrugged. "Yeah. I got it in my eyes too, which makes you scared, but that effect wears off quicker. The guy who spat on me had lousy aim, he got it all over my face. The skin effects stay longer, so you'll be high long after you've stopped being scared."

"How much does it take to make you high?"

"Depends on how responsive you are and where you apply it. Usually about half this much will get you feeling weird." Kai held out a packet, filled with about two tablespoons of greenish gel. "The other problem is, unless you actually see someone applying this stuff, it's hard to tell if they use it. Painting on slobber doesn't leave scars like needle drugs. If you use it dozens of times, you might start getting a weird discoloration on your skin, but people just avoid that by switching the areas they apply it to. It's nearly impossible to catch users."

"How fast does it work?"

"Like, ten seconds." Kai made a face. "You would know. But hey, since we're going to be fighting a lot of Venomari soon enough, you guys probably should know this: if you get this stuff on you, don't try to wipe it off. That'll just rub it through your skin faster. If you need to get it off, try to rinse it as fast as you can. Hot water works better; soap is ideal."

"What if it gets on your clothes? Will they protect you?"

"No, they'll make it worse by soaking up the gunk and holding it against your skin. If you get it on your clothes, take 'em off."

"Oh, great," said Cole. "This is going to get indecent fast."

"You said it was addictive, though," said Jay. "Is there any danger we're going to get addicted if they spit at us during battle?"

"Eh, probably not," said Kai. "It takes three or four times, and that's only if you get the complete dose."

"So, does slobber always smell like apples?" said Lloyd, nodding at the green dribbles running down the wall where Kai had broken the venom packet.

"Apples? . . . Wait. Hold on a sec." Kai stepped over and took a deep breath, then laughed wryly. "Hah, what do you know. This was a dud packet."

"Fake?"

"Yeah." Kai unabashedly ran his finger through the mess on the wall and held it out to Lloyd, dripping green. "That clean fruity smell? Melted popsicle. Real slobber smells like this room—dirty moldy limes."

"Why would they fill packets with green popsicle juice?"

"To make a quick buck, duh. They can buy some of those cheap tubes of colored water from the grocery store, the kind you usually freeze into popsicles, and instead they take the green ones, repackage 'em, and sell them like they're real slobber." Kai dug into the nearest box of packets and held a few up to the light, squinting through them. "I think these are real, though. I'm no expert, of course—I could never tell whether the dealers were asking me to hold the real thing or not."

"What's the difference?" asked Zane, picking up a packet of his own.

"If it's perfectly clear green, it's fake. Real slobber is a little cloudy because it's full of proteins. Of course, dealers figured out a way around that too—sometimes they mix a tiny bit of beef broth in with the popsicle juice to match the cloudiness. A real expert can still tell the difference, though."

"Okay, this is insane," said Jay. "This is just flat-out crazy."

"You're telling me." Kai tossed aside the packets he'd been examining, giving the others a bitter smile. "Well, now you now. Happy?"

"You learn fast, huh?" said Cole. Kai flushed a bit.

"'sa matter of fact, I do," he said tightly. "I probably only interacted with those guys a dozen times or so. Most of this I learned from seeing them lurking around in the background at the Slither Pit."

"Okay, okay," said Cole. "We believe you."

"Besides," said Kai, glaring askance at the nearest box. "I didn't know all this when I _started_. By the time I found out most of this stuff, I was in too deep to back out. Even if I said no to someone giving me a shipment to hide—well, at that point they weren't taking no for an answer."

"Fair point." Jay cast an ironic look at the high windows of the store, reminding them all of the Technicians lurking outside—many of whom had formerly worked in the slobber trade as well. "They seem a little . . . insistent."

"Well, somebody's got to tell them no eventually," sighed Cole, picking up a broom. "Let's get back to work."

* * *

 **A/N: So, I've never seen _Breaking Bad_ , that one show about the guy who produces drugs. But I wanted the state it takes place in for the chapter title. So I looked it up . . . and I found the protagonist's wife is called _Skyler_. I don't know if I should laugh or cry. **


	10. And On This Farm He Had a Wallober

**Just a quick bonus thingy I slapped together! An extra plot thread that never made it into FMW. It spans from one of the tunnel chapters (42-ish?) up through 51.**

 **Still working on that final request! Coming up soon.**

* * *

Keeping Junior occupied as they wandered through the tunnels wasn't easy. It didn't help that Lloyd's repertoire of suitable songs for children was virtually zero.

"'Brick Houses'?" suggested Jay.

"Mm, no, that one has some language."

"'You're Not Living'?"

"Nah, a little edgy. I don't want his parents asking me what kind of music I've been teaching their kid."

"Well, that cuts out almost everything," said Cole. "Can't you just sing him some normal kid songs?"

"I don't know any," said Lloyd, shrugging awkwardly. "Where was I supposed to learn those? At Darkley's we mostly just sang about decapitation and stuff."

"Oh for Pete's sake," said Kai.

"Yeah," said Lloyd. "And this one fancy song that started out, _Regurgitate, regurgitate_ —"

"Throw up all the food you ate?" cut in Jay. "I know that one! We sang it at my school."

"Wait, what?" Lloyd blinked.

"You didn't have the monopoly on weird songs, you know," said Jay. "We also sang _Oh when the ants, get in our food_ —"

" _It puts us in an awful mood,_ " finished Cole. " _We find legs, in our egg salad_ —"

" _When the ants get in our food,_ " sang Jay, laughing. "Huh. Still fun after all these years."

"For you, maybe," said Cole, but he was grinning too. "Or how about the one about killing Barney the Dinosaur?"

"Oh, we didn't have that one," said Jay.

"We did!" said Kai. "Nya got in trouble for singing it at home when she was six. Once she figured out it was a bad song, she would go out whenever she was angry and sing it down the well as loud as she could."

"You guys _know_ all these songs?" said Lloyd, who had been listening to all of this with wide eyes. "I thought they were Darkley's songs."

"Nope. Small children the world across sing the most gruesome songs they can get away with," said Jay.

"Woah," said Lloyd. "I feel normal."

"You still probably don't want to teach him those, though," said Kai.

"Geez." Lloyd sighed. "I'm out of options. You guys must know some normal kid songs too, can't you teach him a few?" He looked hopefully to Jay.

"Ohhhh no no," said Jay, waving him away. "My grip on sanity is weak enough right now without running around singing 'The Wheels on the Bus'."

"Fine then," said Lloyd, huffing. "I'll make up my own songs."

"Wait." Jay's eyes lit up. "You're onto something there!"

"Oh, you just _had_ to put ideas in his head," grumbled Cole, glaring playfully at Lloyd.

* * *

It turned out the blue ninja's songwriting skills were locked as firmly into the key of J as his voice.

"I'm going to damage someone," said Cole darkly, although most likely no one heard him over the strains of Jay singing, and of Lloyd and Junior amusedly stumbling over the words they had only half-learned.

" _I'm just a lonely joker_

 _My heart is like a rat_

 _Getting beaten by a poker_

 _and crawled upon by cats._

 _Ooohhhhhh, them ninja blues_

 _It sucks to not wear shoes_

 _If you do something stupid_

 _It ends up on the news..._ "

"I am honestly beginning to worry," said Zane, and he didn't sound like he was joking. Eventually Cole, no longer able to stand the discord, sacrificed his dignity and volunteered to teach Junior some "normal kid songs." He thought "Old Macdonald" would keep the kid busy for a long time, but it turned out Junior knew precious little about above-ground farm animals.

"'kay Junior, so next we're gonna do Wallobers. Wallobers go 'moooo,' okay?"

"What's a Wallober?" asked Junior, tilting his head from his perch on Lloyd's shoulders.

"Gosh." Lloyd looked up at him. "You've never even seen a picture of a Wallober?"

"I dunno." Junior shrugged.

"Well, they're really big animals that walk on four legs. And they have horns, and they're really hairy."

"Are they good to eat?"

"Um." Lloyd laughed, a little thrown. "Well, yeah, actually. But you can also ride them, and they give wool for clothes."

"So they're all different colors, like you guys?" asked Junior.

"Well no, they're kind of brown . . . "

"Then why aren't your cloves brown?"

"It's . . . complicated," sighed Lloyd. "Man. Once we get out of here, I'm gonna have to figure out some way to show you a Wallober."

* * *

 _A couple days later:_

As the ninja flew their dragons back from the smoking ruins of the convenience store, heading for New Ninjago City, they passed over a good amount of rolling farmland. Mid-flight, Lloyd suddenly shouted, "Wait up guys, wait up! Can we stop here a minute?"

"What's going on?" Cole banked his dragon, wobbling slightly as a jet stream caught him sideways.

"There's Wallobers down there!" called Lloyd, pointing down into a field. "We can show them to Junior!"

"Well . . . " Cole looked to the others, most of whom shrugged. "Hey, why not. Few minutes can't hurt."

They landed their dragons a little distance away so as not to spook the Wallobers, then approached the paddock on foot.

"Those are them, Junior," said Lloyd, pointing beyond the fence. A dozen or so Wallobers of various sizes chomped grass, complacent in their wooliness.

"Ohhhhhh, they're fluffy!" gasped Junior. Without further warning he slipped his hand from Lloyd's and dove between the fence railings, scampering towards the large animals.

"Is that safe?" asked Jay.

"I think so. I'll get him if any trouble starts," said Lloyd, watching closely.

Junior slowed a little as he approached the small herd, but the animals' heads still shot up. Some flaring of nostrils, some tossing of horns, and abruptly the mass of woolly animals bolted with a thunder of hooves, scared by the predatory scent of Serpentine. Only one baby Wallober, fleeced with tan fuzz, stayed behind. With four feet rooted wide apart, the calf sized Junior up, evidently just as curious as the snakelet.

Junior crept closer, slung low on all fours as if hunting. He approached the calf fully and weighed his options, then carefully lifted his head till his nose almost touched the Wallober's. The calf's nostrils fluttered as it sniffed the curious new scent, and Junior's tongue flickered out cautiously. Both younglings tilted their heads back and forth in perfect synchrony, studying each others' faces.

"I can't even." Nya had sunk her head against the top rail of the fence, covering her eyes. She was visibly struggling to maintain at least a shred of her usual dignity—or at least not audibly squeal. "Oh my gosh. This is too adorable."

"Can't argue there," said Jay.

Only, he wasn't necessarily looking anywhere _near_ the Wallober.


	11. Request for Skylark Starflower

**Whoooooo! Sorry about the delay on this one, Skylark Starflower. Had to write a long story to fit in all the tiny snakey shenanigans. Enjoy! ^_^**

* * *

 **Request:** Lloydfish hanging out with babby snek, please?

* * *

Lloyd was unusually stressed. He was sitting a little awkwardly by the living-room table in the home of King Skales and Selma, waiting for their son—his babysitting charge for the day—to get back from school. Selma and Skales were both going to an important Serpentine summit today, and they didn't feel up to bringing Junior along with them. They were already bringing the new baby, and that was going to give them plenty enough to worry about. Since Lloyd and Junior took to each other so well, and Technician activity was slow right now, the young ninja was a natural choice.

As a first-time babysitter, however, he was nervous as all get out.

"So, uh . . . is chocolate okay?" he asked. He'd researched a whole list of things babysitters should know—allergies, bedtimes, emergency contacts, house rules—but he kept thinking of more as he went through the list. Go figure; he'd pulled the kid safe through collapsing mines and hordes of gun-toting psychopaths, but heading out for a babysitting jaunt gave him paranoia.

Luckily, Selma seemed not to mind his laundry list of questions.

"Anything you humans can eat is fine," she said, waving. "We have ssstrong stomachs. I've also packed him some lunch, so you don't have to worry too much about feeding him. A little candy is fine if you're going someplace ssspecial."

Lloyd smiled and tried to say something else, but was interrupted by the front door slamming open.

"I'm home! Is he here ye—Unca Lloyyyyd!"

Lloyd jolted forward as Skales Junior tackled him from behind, wrapping his arms around his shoulders.

"Oh, who's this?" he said, grinning.

"Whaaaaat." Junior thumped his collarbone indignantly. "You know who!"

"Hmm." Lloyd gave it some deep thought. "Ohh, is it that one Constrictai wrestler guy, what's his name . . . Iron Leg?"

"Nooooo, Unca Lloyd! Stop it!" Few things annoyed Junior faster than mixing up the name of his favorite wrestling hero, Iron Arms. Lloyd was going to have to start consulting an anatomy textbook pretty soon if he wanted to keep this up.

"Iron Knee?" he said innocently. "Iron Liver?"

"Unca _Lloyyyyyyyyd!_ " Junior clambered up his shoulders and draped himself over the ninja's head, looking him reproachfully in the eye upside-down. "I know you're fooling."

"Oh hey, it's you!" Lloyd gently flipped Junior over, laughing, and gave him a hug hello. "I thought you were Iron Toes."

"Stop it Unca Lloyd, stop it!" wailed Junior, pummeling him lightly.

"Okay, okay," chuckled Lloyd. He disentangled himself from the snakelet and stood up. "Iron Arms. Got it. Won't make that mistake again."

"Hmph." Junior folded his arms, clearly not believing him.

As Selma gave Lloyd Junior's packed lunch and Lloyd asked her twenty more questions, the snakelet quite literally bounced end-over-end around the room.

"Where are we goin', Unca Lloyd? Are we gonna fight bad guys? Are we gonna see the flyin' ship?" Abruptly he stopped bouncing and looked to the door. "Hey! Unca Lloyd, look, it's my friends! Come in here, guys!"

Lloyd turned and saw two little snakelets, a pink Fangpyre and what looked like a mix between a Fangpyre and a Constrictai, peering timidly around the doorframe.

"Hi there," he said, waving. The snakelets went wide-eyed and disappeared like magic.

"Hey, wait!" cried Junior, running to the door after them. They were clearly well beyond recalling, though.

"Come back here, you tree frogs!" the snakelet shouted after them, shaking his fist. Getting no response, he huffed and folded his arms.

"They don't believe me when I say you're my unc'l."

"You think they'll believe you now?" said Lloyd.

"Maybe." Junior made a wry face. "I told 'em to come over and meetcha, but they're too scared."

"Huh," said Lloyd, smiling ruefully. He wasn't used to people being scared of him.

* * *

After Junior said his goodbyes to his parents and the baby, his family went one way and he followed Lloyd in the other. The snakelet walked with his head up, proudly holding Lloyd's hand; occasionally Lloyd caught him sneaking glances off to the sides, checking if people were duly impressed that he was friends with a famous ninja. Lloyd stifled a chuckle. He hoped the little hooligan wasn't being _too_ insufferable about it.

"So, what're your friend's names?" he called, once they were aboveground and riding his dragon.

"Well, those two were Danby and Amber," Junior called over his shoulder, raising his voice over the wind. "But I have lots more friends at school."

"The kids are nice, huh?"

"Most of 'em. Some of 'em are bullies, though. They pick on the little kids and stuff."

"Man. What do you do about it?"

"I dunno," said Junior. "I think I should probably punch 'em, but most of 'em are bigger than me. You ninja fight big guys sometimes, right? You could teach me how to punch better."

"Do you think that would stop them?"

"Probably! If I punched hard enough."

"Ohhh boy," said Lloyd under his breath. To Junior he said, "Well you know, even ninja don't punch people unless they try to punch us first. Your teacher probably wouldn't like you punching anyone."

"But I wanna! How else am I s'posed to help?"

"Well, have you tried being extra-nice to the kids who get picked on?"

"Ohh. Huh . . . " Junior lapsed into a reflective silence for the rest of the ride.

They stopped at the grocery store first, since it was Lloyd's turn to pick up groceries. He hadn't told Junior what they were going to be doing for the day; he only said they might visit a few places. The snakelet would not be satisfied until he was allowed to ride in the basket of the shopping cart.

"You humans have weird stores," he said, looking around at the aisles of cereal and cleaning supplies. "There's no meat here!"

"There is some, to the back," said Lloyd. "But we humans don't eat as much meat as Serpentine. We like lots of other stuff."

"Yeah, I know," said Junior, settling more comfortably in the cart. "Dunno why, though."

"Cos it's healthy for us and it tastes good," said Lloyd amusedly. Hoping that Selma knew what she was talking about, he picked up a free sample of cornbread. "Here, how does this taste?"

Junior gnawed reflectively. Mid-chew he cocked a suspicious eye at Lloyd.

"Is this food?"

"Yeah, cornbread."

"It tastes like nothin'."

"Huh." Lloyd took a free sample for himself, paying attention to the musky corn flavor. It was weird to think that someone else couldn't taste this at all. And a little depressing; he liked cornbread.

"How about this?" he said, noticing a tray of watermelon samples.

"Oh, that's a little sweet . . . "

Junior was soon sharing the cart with paper towel, cereal, instant oatmeal, a bundle of celery, and cans of beans and tuna. He continued to eye his surroundings with interest, occasionally asking questions. Luckily Lloyd had convinced him to use a discreet voice when asking things like "Why is that woman's hair wrinkly?"

"All right," said Lloyd once they had picked up everything on the list. "Now for the interesting part."

Junior's tongue flicked out as they turned into the candy aisle.

"It smells like sugar here," he said.

"Yep," said Lloyd, grinning. "Your mom said we could get you a little candy. See anything you like?"

Junior looked eagerly around the aisle, studying the rows of colorful packages. Presently his eyes widened.

"That's my name!" he squealed, pointing at a white-and-green package of Junior Mints.

"Heh, you're right, it is," said Lloyd. "Want to try those?"

"Yeah!"

Lloyd just barely stopped Junior from tearing into the box right then and there. As soon as they paid for it, Junior popped it open and took a large mouthful of mints.

"Yikes," he mumbled through a full mouth. "These are _cold_."

"Good, though?" said Lloyd.

"Uh-huh." Junior surveyed the box contentedly. "Good mints."

* * *

Lloyd had a bit of a time keeping all the groceries and Junior together on his dragon's back, but he soon worked it out. He was rather pleased with the location of the _Bounty;_ it was currently parked next to a mountain, which allowed him to keep it out of sight till they were fairly close. He swung his dragon around the mountain's shoulder, and there was the _Bounty_ , red trim glistening in the morning light.

"It actually flies!" whooped Junior, standing up dangerously to see better. "It's huge!"

"Yep," said Lloyd. He pulled his dragon up to a hover for a moment and glanced back at Junior. "Hey, by the way. You remember Cole told you about humans growing hair out of their faces?"

"Only boys, right?" said Junior.

"Yeah. Well, I have this uncle—an actual uncle, not just calling him that—and he has been growing a _lot_ of facial hair. He's been doing it for years and years. It's really long. So don't be too surprised when you see him, okay? It might, uh, make him confused."

"Ohhh," said Junior. He paused. "Is it even longer than your hair?"

" . . . Yes." Lloyd silently thanked his lucky stars that Junior hadn't asked that question in front of his teammates. The last thing they needed was proof that even _six-year-olds_ found his hair excessive.

"He-hey, look who's here!" called Kai, as the shoppers came avalanching through the door in a swarm of grocery bags. "Hairy and Not-hairy."

"Haiiii!" Junior emerged from a cocoon of bags and tackled Kai eagerly. Everyone else came over to say hi to Junior as well; the snakelet's eyes widened noticeably when he saw Wu, but he said nothing out loud. He also quickly tucked his hands behind his back, clearly fighting the temptation to stroke the Sensei's fluffy white beard.

"Okay," sighed Lloyd, dragging in the last of the grocery bags. "I've got my work cut out for me."

"Want some help?" asked Cole.

"I've got the groceries." Lloyd gestured at Junior, who was currently balancing atop Kai's head, trying in vain to smooth his hair down. "If you could just keep Junior busy while I put 'em away?"

"Wait, what?" Kai started. "You're the one who keeps saying we were terrible at childcare!"

"For half an hour, I trust you," said Lloyd, and disappeared into the kitchen. Cole and Kai looked at each other uneasily.

"Think we could show him a movie or something?" said Kai. "I don't know what's okay to show six-year-olds anymore."

Cole groaned in sympathy. Lloyd had not exactly been good practice for their media monitoring skills; he had played all their video games regardless of rating from day one. For good measure Nya had bitten their collective heads off when she found they let the kid watch _The Lion King_ , what with his destiny of patricide—but tiny Lloyd had sat solemn but dry-eyed through the deaths of not only Mufasa, but also Old Yeller, the Iron Giant, and the mothers of everyone from Bambi to Littlefoot. Then one evening they watched a science program about space rovers and he'd been inconsolable for the rest of the night.

They _still_ didn't know what it was about space rovers that set him off. Nobody risked asking.

Junior broke the lengthening silence by piping, "So, are you gonna teach me how to play the games on the TV? I've seen 'em at Davy's house, but I never got to play one, his big brother is always playing."

"Well, guess that answers that one," sighed Kai. "We couldn't get in trouble for _Sitar Hero_ , right?"

* * *

Lloyd poked his head into the living room about twenty minutes later to find Kai hammering out a pop tune on the plastic neck of a sitar, his brows knit in concentration, while Junior cavorted around on the sofa cushions trying to dance. It appeared to be the Nae Nae.

"Don't they teach any decent dances in schools these days?" sighed Cole, reaching out to steady Junior as he nearly pitched over the sofa arm. "Anything that you can call out while you're doing it isn't worth doing in the . . . " He trailed off, registering, then groaned and covered his eyes. "Great. I'm becoming my dad."

"Shame on you," said Kai absent-mindedly, grinning as he achieved a high score. Lloyd caught Junior mid-bounce and swung him onto his shoulders.

"Thanks for keeping him in one piece, guys," he said. "You done here, Junior?"

"Yeah. I can't play the thing, it's too fast and the buttons are too little," said Junior. "Are we gonna go somewhere, Unca Lloyd?"

"Yeah, I was thinking we might take a trip."

"Am I gonna like it?"

"I don't know," said Lloyd, grinning. "Maybe?"

Junior was still trying to guess where they were going half an hour later, when Lloyd slowed his dragon and pointed down below.

"There it is. Know that place?"

Junior squinted down at the whirl of color and motion below, then squealed.

"Oh boy!" Lloyd had to grab frantically as the snakelet nearly dove off the back of his dragon.

"Hold up, hold up! We need to actually get down there first."

"That's the 'musement park, right?" asked Junior eagerly. "Daddy told me about it! He says there are big machines you can ride on!"

"Yep," said Lloyd. "And games and food and stuff."

"Are we goin' _there?_ "

"Looks like!" Lloyd pointed his dragon's nose down and plunged towards the twinkling lights below.

* * *

Junior wanted to try everything. As soon as they got into line for one ride he would get so excited about another that they had to switch, and he was happily prepared to believe everything every carnival barker told him.

"They say you win every time, Unca Lloyd!" he pleaded, tugging Lloyd's sleeve and pointing at a balloon-popping game. "Pleeeease?"

"Fair warning Junior, they rig those things," said Lloyd. "The balloons don't pop very well, and the darts are dull. Even if you do win something, they probably have secret tiny prizes hidden under the counter; you have to play a _lot_ before they give you a big one."

"Well, I wanna small one!"

Lloyd sighed good-naturedly and watched as Junior flung darts about with reckless disregard for human life. He knew exactly how every carnival game was rigged—he had gone to Darkley's, after all—so he couldn't draw much enjoyment from the games himself. Junior didn't seem to mind, though.

"See? I won!" he said, waving a small purple stuffed dog.

"Good for you," said Lloyd. "Want to keep playing for a bigger one?"

"Nahhh." Junior tucked the stuffed animal under his arm. "The little one's easier to carry."

"Jay would like the way you think," chuckled Lloyd.

Admittedly Lloyd had been a little eager to try out the carnival rides himself, since he'd never had a chance to visit any fun parks when he was small. Being a ninja turned out to have its pitfalls, though—after skydiving and flying dragons and getting tossed every which way by the forces of evil, even the fanciest roller coaster can feel pretty tame.

Junior disagreed, of course. Admission to Mega Monster included unlimited rides, and the snakelet seemed determined to test the boundaries of "unlimited."

He was too small to ride the coaster alone; the top of his head just barely edged into the yellow "ride with adult" stripe. However, after six or so cycles, the ride operator shook his head amusedly and let Junior on by himself. Grateful to get out of standing in line _again_ , Lloyd headed off to sit down.

For a while he sat on a bench, watching the coaster going round and round. Every time the riders got off, he saw Junior scurrying right back into line.

"Again?" he said eventually, stepping up next to Junior.

"Again!" said Junior, nodding firmly. "This is fun!"

"Well, if you're sure," chuckled Lloyd. "How about I go to get us some corn dogs, huh? We can have them when you're done riding."

"Okay!" Junior waved as Lloyd trotted off, then turned back to face the front of the line, his expression resolute. Lloyd shook his head, hoping food would break Junior out of the cycle of perpetual coaster motion.

When he got back with two corn dogs, the coaster was in mid-run—he must have missed at least one cycle. He glanced at the line, but Junior wasn't there. Figuring that he must be among the current riders, he waited by the exit gate, but Junior wasn't among the crowd getting off the coaster either. Lloyd's heart sank.

Great. Every babysitter's nightmare, and it had to happen to _him_.

He turned a slow circle, scanning the roaming crowds. There were kids everywhere, and some of them were wearing the outlandish monster hats the park sold, which complicated the normally easy task of picking a snakelet out of the crowd. Where could Junior have gotten to? Was he on another ride?

Biting his lip, he set out in a random direction.

"Have you seen a small Hypnobrai anywhere?" he kept asking passerby, but nobody had. He wasn't in any of the lines, he wasn't getting off any of the rides, he wasn't playing any of the games—and he wouldn't have been able to anyway, he didn't have any money. Had he left the park? Had somebody kidnapped him? This was the heir to the snake throne, after all! What if there were some kind of political intrigues Lloyd didn't know about? The kind that could be solved by kidnapping small snake heirs?

. . . Come to think, what happened to people who _lost_ small snake heirs?

Lloyd was just starting to descend into Jay-grade levels of panic when he heard some commotion and screaming nearby. Normally this was not a sound any ninja wanted to hear, but in this case it gave Lloyd a sudden burst of hope. Hurrying in that direction, he saw a small knot of confusion forming next to the corn dog stand. He went limp with relief when he spotted Junior at the center of the crowd, hanging unconcernedly off the edge of the order counter. Some people seemed unnerved by his presence.

"Hey, it's the Green Ninja!" someone shouted. "Quick, come get this snake!"

Lloyd was all too happy to oblige.

"Junior, good grief!" he said, striding over and scooping up the snakelet. "Don't disappear on me like that!"

"I didden disappear, _you_ did!" said Junior. "You said you were gonna get corn dogs. I was waiting for ya _forever._ "

That said, he took one of the corn dogs Lloyd was still holding and sank his teeth into it, evidently considering the matter closed.

Lloyd laughed wearily, tousling back his hair. At least he'd found the kid safely. No kidnapping fiascos today. As he swung Junior up onto his shoulder and turned to leave, he noticed most of the small crowd already dispersing, some of them pausing to buy corn dogs themselves. One mother with two small kids and a stroller was eyeing Lloyd suspiciously.

"Are you responsible for that snake?" she asked.

"Yeah, for the day." Lloyd gave her a sheepish smile. "He's my nephew."

"He's your _what? . . ._ "

"My neph—Junior, that's _mine_." Lloyd held his corn dog away as Junior attempted to take a bite out of it.

"I wanna nother one, Unca Lloyd!"

"I can't feed you on corn dogs, your parents are going to kill me," sighed Lloyd, giving the lady an apologetic wave and setting an approximate track for Mega Monster's diner. Vaguely he was aware of the woman's incredulous eyes on his back.

He only figured out several hours later why she'd been so confused.

* * *

As evening fell, Lloyd flew his dragon back towards New Ninjago City, Junior dozing on his lap. The snakelet was nestled atop an armful of stuffed animals and one inflatable sword, the spoils of his efforts at almost every game in the park. Lloyd had gone through his entire month's supply of pocket money, but he supposed it was worth it, just this once.

"Wake up June, we're almost home," he said. Junior stirred drowsily.

"Mrowf," he said, and fell back asleep. He was still sleeping by the time Lloyd carried him to his parents' door and handed him carefully to Skales.

"Thanksss for looking after him," said Skales. "I hope he wasn't any trouble?"

"Nah, he was fine." Lloyd smiled gamely. "Uh, well . . . tell him I said goodbye? I guess if he wakes up now he won't sleep all—"

Abruptly Junior stirred and opened one eye, then squirmed out of his father's arms, shedding stuffed animals every which way.

"Bye Unca Lloyd," he mumbled, still half-asleep. Lloyd chuckled and caught him as he swayed, giving him a hug.

"Bye June. See you next time, 'kay?"

"Kayyyyy."

"What do we say, Junior?" asked Skales. Junior gave a drowsy smile.

"Fanks for taking me, Unca Lloyd." He hunted around on the floor for a moment, then held up the purple dog he'd won at the darts game. "You can keep this 'un."

"You sure?"

"Mm-hm."

Lloyd nodded, not wanting to wake the snakelet up any further by arguing.

"Okay, I'll keep it safe for you." He gave a final wave as Skales toted the youngster off to bed and slipped out through the front door.

Once outside, he surveyed the small animal. It was already leaking stuffing from one of its seams. Shaking his head, Lloyd slipped it carefully into his pocket. Knowing how carnival toys usually went, he'd be repairing this thing every other week just to keep it sitting on the shelf—but repair it he was gonna.

* * *

 **A/N: Eh, guess I'll go ahead and explain that whole "tree frog" thing from early in the story. Serpentine don't have quite the same perception of cuteness that humans do, since they aren't mammals** — **they sometimes struggle to understand what humans see in fluffy baby animals. Since they have such a different aesthetic, a lot of their traditional "animal" phrases are different too.**

 **As a general rule of thumb, amphibians are good, non-snake reptiles are bad. "Tadpole," "froggie," or "froglet" is used as a term of affection for small snakelets. "Frog" is just an all-purpose version of "you guys," kind of like humans said "cat" and "bird" back in the 1920s. "Tree frog" is a very light, good-natured insult, roughly equivalent to "you silly goose." Snakelets like it because they can get away with it.**

 **On the other hand, you should never call a snake a "gecko" unless you also plan to punch him in the nose. Better to steer clear of anything else with scales and legs, too.**

 **So there you go, now you know how to start fights with Serpentine if you want to! Knowledge is power; use it wisely. :P**


	12. Rapunzel Was Just Very Inspirational

**A/N: Hi all! Hope you had a nice Thanksgiving, for those of you who celebrated yesterday.**

 **Sooo, have a pointless little detour on the topic of Lloyd's hair! With the teeniest hint of partial explanation. All I can give right now. ^_^''**

 **This is just after the ninja got back onto the _Bounty_ from the tunnel expedition.**

* * *

Nya sighed, tapping on the bathroom door.

"Hellllllo? You finishing up in there? It's my turn."

"Hang on, hang onnnn . . . " There was a despairing growl from the other side of the door. Nya considered, then took her chances and pushed the door open. She found Lloyd, perched on the edge of the tub in his pajamas, his hair wet and sticking out in bizarre fashions. There was a comb tangled in it, and Lloyd, looking thoroughly miserable, was trying to pull it out.

"Oh my gosh, Lloyd," said Nya. "Your hair is long enough to _tangle_ now?"

"Go 'way," said Lloyd despondently.

"Hang on, let me help." Nya stepped over and gently swatted Lloyd's hands away from the comb. She began disentangling it, clicking her tongue in disapproval. "You'll pull out all your hair this way."

"I don't really have any other options," sighed Lloyd. "It's full of knots."

"Well, when it's this long . . . " Nya sighed too. "You know what, hang on. This will help." She went over to the bathroom cupboard and pulled something out of her little personal shower caddy.

"Congratulations, short stuff; you've reached the point where you need conditioner," she said, waving a plastic bottle at him. "This will make your hair slimy so it'll untangle easier."

Lloyd shied away as Nya sat down next to him on the edge of the tub.

"Isn't that—I dunno, flower-scented or something?" he said, eyeing the conditioner uneasily.

"Relax," said Nya, popping open the bottle. "I'm allergic to perfume. That includes most of the stuff they put in shower products to make them smell fancy, so I always buy unscented when I can. Or men's scents, those are usually okay. This is Hatchet, actually. No one will ever know."

"Oh . . . " Lloyd eyed the conditioner bottle again.

"Mind if I help you out?" said Nya gently.

"I, uh—"

"Just this first time so you can get a feel for how it's done."

"I . . . guess?"

"All rightie then, greenbean, turn 'round." Nya applied a handful of conditioner and chuckled when Lloyd jumped. "I know, it's cold. Normally you'd want to put this on while you're showering, after the shampoo. And don't rinse it out too much. 'kay?"

"M-hm—aghh." Lloyd gave an inadvertant sound of protest as Nya began working at his tangled hair with the comb.

"Man, you're in bad shape here," murmured Nya. "Three days underground does that to ya, huh?"

"Yeah," mumbled Lloyd, fidgeting. The comb was still yanking unpleasantly now and then, despite Nya's best efforts to be gentle, and he felt awfully awkward. He didn't know why Nya was taking so much trouble for him; they'd always gotten along great, but they'd never been exceptionally close. Occasionally he wondered if Nya missed being Kai's only younger sibling.

The samurai in question flicked the back of his head scoldingly.

"Relaaaax. Hold still."

Lloyd sighed, but obeyed. After a few moments of silence he chuckled.

"Wow. You say the conditioner is called Hatchet, right? Next time someone tells me to cut my hair, I can tell them I already used a hatchet on it."

Nya snorted amusedly.

"Why're you growing your hair so long, anyway?" she said, stroking the comb through a newly-smoothed section of golden fluff. "You trying to set a world record?"

"No." Lloyd laughed.

"Revive the hippie fashion sense?"

"No way."

"Make some kind of point?"

"Nahhh, not really."

"Hmmm." Nya picked at a stubborn tangle with her fingers. "Just trying to see how long you can defy everyone nagging you about it?"

"That's . . . part of it."

He felt Nya's curious eyes on the back of his head.

"Part of it?"

"Yeah." He let the answer taper off neatly, indicating he didn't want to give any more information. Nya said nothing, but continued to work patiently away. Lloyd squirmed, feeling a little bad for shutting her down like that.

"Thanks for doing this," he said at last. "I hope it's not any—"

"Nahh, it's fine." Nya laughed softly. "It's been a while since I got to brush someone else's hair. I kind of missed it."

"Uh . . . whose did you use to brush? Kai's?" Lloyd gave an inadvertant snort.

"Nah. My mom's."

" . . . Oh." Lloyd froze.

"We would brush each other's hair when I was little," continued Nya, starting on one of the last tangles. "She had the most amazing long brown hair, all soft and wavy. Mine used to be longer too, but I cut it shorter a while after . . . well."

"Oh," said Lloyd softly. He bit the inside of his cheek as he realized that was probably more than Nya had ever told anyone about her childhood. She usually wasn't communicative on that topic. Maybe he should be honest with her in return . . .

But just then Nya made a final run with the comb and pulled back.

"All righty, you're done. Get going, leafy greens, it's my turn to shower."

Lloyd stood up, running a hand experimentally through his hair. It felt oddly slick, but all the tangles were gone.

"Uh . . . thanks for the help," he said, hesitating in the doorway.

"No problem. Only next time, get your own conditioner. You're not stealing all of mine," grinned Nya. "Or better yet, cut your hair."

"Not you too," groaned Lloyd.

"Hey, hey, I'm sure you have your reasons." Nya waved him away. "It's fine."

Lloyd gave her a grateful wave and headed off down the hall. He felt again at the back of his head. Sometimes even he was dismayed at how long his hair was getting.

He was grateful Nya hadn't pushed him for answers, though. Nya was cool like that.


	13. Pete Never Had These Kinds of Problems

**A/N: Arrrgh, that took me a while to put up, eh? A week since its corresponding chapter in FMW. Sorry, I'm all over the place these days, and I couldn't seem to whip this fragment into shape. Still not quite happy with the results. :/**

 **Bit of dragon technicality, starting when Jay, Nya, and Lloyd build the catapult in Chapter 55.**

* * *

Jay, Nya, and Lloyd worked feverishly, tweaking the design of their catapault as they went. They finished within two and a half hours, which Nya said had to be some kind of record, but it was still almost time for bed. Cole snagged Lloyd in the hallway.

"Hey, kiddo, c'mon outside for a sec. I wanna check your dragon."

"Aww Cole, I'm fine," protested Lloyd, but sighed and followed him out. Jay peeked out through the door, half watching the dragon inspection, half keeping guard in case anyone who didn't know about the gunshot incident came along.

Lloyd's dragon sparked on his first try, glowing magnificently in the night. The wingspan was small, but sturdy. The beast's clawed feet shuffled uneasily on the deck as Cole walked a circle around it, inspecting the scales and wings, peering into its eyes. It nipped idly in his direction.

"Reel it in, Lloyd," sighed the earth ninja. "Lift the head, wouldja, I want to see the place where you got shot."

Sighing, Lloyd reared the dragon back, letting it clamp its jaws over a nearby branch for balance. Cole stood on his toes and squinted at the side of the dragon's chest, tracing his eyes down the glowing white scar etched into the scales.

"It's better than it used to be," he ackowledged. "Heads-up, I'm touching it; let me know if it hurts. Okay?"

"Well . . . okay," said Lloyd.

Jay watched with interest. Touching the wings of a dragon was almost always unpleasant for its owner—the feeling ranged from losing a video game to being called names to getting a phone call saying a loved one was dead—but the body and head of a dragon were much less sensitive, allowing the ninja to carry cargo or passengers. Still, contact with the chest or previous injuries was not something they had much experience with.

Lloyd flinched a little as Cole's palm pressed against the scar. His dragon gave a sharp reptilian woof.

"Hurts?" said Cole, pulling back.

"N-no, just a little numb."

Cole nodded and brought his hand back up to carefully feel along the scar, testing if it was healing properly. Lloyd gasped, and his dragon disappeared, dropping him onto the deck.

"Oh shoot," said Cole. "Did that—I'm sorry."

"No, no, it's fine. It didn't hurt," said Lloyd, sitting up. Cole crouched next to him, studying him critically.

"It wouldn't make your dragon disappear if something wasn't wrong."

"I'm _fiiiiine!_ You don't need to worry about me, okay?"

"Careful Lloyd, your ten-year-old is showing," said Cole flatly. Lloyd gave an impatient huff.

"I swear, I'm okay. It didn't hurt, just felt kinda . . . weird. Like . . . something you don't want to talk about, you know? When stuff gets weird and awkward." He gave Cole a significant glare, as if to say "like you're making it _now_."

"Huh." Cole sighed. "Okay. Fair enough. But you're sure it's nothing worse?"

"Ye-e-e-e-es." Lloyd sighed too and stood up, resigning himself to a cross-examination.

"Stable up here?" Cole tapped at his head.

"Yes." Lloyd rolled his eyes.

"Sensei gave you a clean bill of health?"

"Yeah."

"The wound's fine when nobody touches it?"

"Yes."

"You swear you'll tell someone if anything changes?"

"Yes."

"How 'bout a haircut?"

"Ye—NO."

"Shoooooot, so close!" Cole blocked, chuckling, as Lloyd swiped at him half-heartedly.

"That's really getting old!" grumbled the green ninja.

"Don't you mean that it's gone on _long enough?_ " said Cole slyly.

"Annnnd now I'm done." Lloyd headed for the door.

"Okay, okay, I'm stopping," laughed Cole, tugging him back lightly. "Come on, I do better than Jay, right?"

Lloyd rolled his eyes, shoving Cole lightly, then made a protesting noise as Cole scruffed up his hair till he almost couldn't see.

"Stop getting shot, okay kiddo?" The earth ninja's voice was serious. "You seem awful chill about it, but it's taking years off the end of _my_ life."

"Geez." Lloyd gave him a rueful smile. After a moment's silence he sighed and looked away, pushing his hair out of his eyes. "Well . . . thanks for bothering."

"'s my job." Cole deftly brushed his hair back down over his eyes. "All right, squirt, last check. Let's see that dragon. Hah, I think that looks better already!"

"Does not."

"Uh, Lloyd, your dragon is not allowed to eat my hair. Stop that."

"Hey, you mess up my hair . . . "

Jay shook his head, smiling wistfully, and turned to head down the hall to the bunkroom. It wasn't easy, dragging teenagers too young to play pachinko into a life of crime fighting. They scrounged up ways to survive this job. You would go out into the gore and danger and hate, and sometimes you'd think this was going to break you. But then you could come home to a long hug, a sympathetic ear, even just someone willing to play video games until you forgot everything. Or maybe all three of those things; whatever it took to stay sane. Day by day they patched the cracks in each other's minds.

Cole was right about those black scales, though. He wondered how he hadn't noticed those before.


	14. The Solution to Everything is Coffee

**Hi Greenninjaisbae! You never told me what you wanted for your one-shot, so I kind of winged it. ^_^'' Hope you enjoy! Good luck on your exam.**

* * *

It said something about the _Bounty's_ current rate of nightmares that Kai had learned to roll unexpectedly out of his bunk and still land on his feet. Once the shock had worn off, he leaned against one of the bunk's support posts and rubbed the sleep from his eyes, grumbling under his breath. Around him the others slept on quietly; Jay twitched and sighed in his sleep. Zane's falcon opened its two golden eyes just a slit to peer at Kai disapprovingly, then nestled back down on its master's headboard.

Kai was just woefully regarding the clock when Lloyd stirred and began to hum indistinctly.

"Ohhhh, seriously? Again?" muttered Kai. He stepped over and shook Lloyd's shoulder. "Knock that off, kiddo."

Lloyd pulled away with an angry noise. Then he suddenly jerked awake and sprang up, plowing Kai to the floor.

"Oh, for Pete's sake!" Kai barely remembered to keep his voice down. Lloyd, his eyes unfocused, tried to grab him by the shirt, but he had taken his blanket with him when he jumped so he just ended up getting a fistful of that.

"I don't know what you think you're—" Kai raised his eyebrows as Lloyd started groping over his shoulder for a katana that wasn't there. "Oh, you're serious, aren't you."

He reached over and flicked the younger ninja's forehead.

"Over here, Einstein. You're gonna have to fight me hand-to-hand."

Lloyd blinked, shaking his head. Eventually his eyes came back under his control and fixed on Kai. He started violently.

"That's like the seventh time," said Kai, pushing him off unceremoniously. Lloyd gave him a pained look and started to say something, but only managed a few garbled syllables.

"Easy kid, easy, don't choke yourself." Kai grimaced as Lloyd pried out his mouthguard, drawing trails of saliva. "Ick. We need to do something about this."

"I know." Lloyd wiped his mouthguard off on his pajama sleeve, looking troubled. "It's only getting worse. One of these days I'm going to wake up and hurt someone."

"Yeah, you're awfully touchy about getting up lately," said Kai. "What's up with that?"

"I . . . dunno," mumbled Lloyd, looking away. Kai gave him a skeptical look.

"Are you dreaming about killing people _every night?_ "

"What?! No!"

"Well according to Jay, I'm the only one who doesn't have that kind of dream regularly." Kai rolled his eyes.

"It's not that." Lloyd sighed. "It's, just . . . I don't know."

Kai sighed as well.

"Ah, forget it." He ruffled Lloyd's hair. "Dude, lose the 'dying seal' look. It's too early in the morning for this."

Lloyd glanced subconsciously at the clock. They'd have to get up in about half an hour anyway.

"I'm getting breakfast." Kai stood up. "You should probably talk to Sensei Wu again."

"Yeah . . . sure," said Lloyd, clearly not making any plans. Kai shook his head, but set off down the hall. Lloyd sighed, slipping his mouthguard into its case and hiding it under his mattress. He knew that eventually he would have to tell someone about the whole Cursed Realm thing; it clearly wasn't going away on its own. But every day just seemed like the wrong day to bring it up. Honestly he was looking for any excuse to avoid that conversation.

He stumbled into the kitchen after Kai and found the red ninja boiling water for oatmeal. He could smell coffee percolating too.

"I hope the early wake-up doesn't hurt us in the evening," said Kai. "We have to break into that Gisher mining place."

"Mm. Adrenaline," mumbled Lloyd, plopping down at the kitchen table. He yawned, resting his head on his arms.

"You should really start drinking coffee," said Kai.

"Nuh-uh. Tastes horrible. Makes me hyper."

"You just need to acclimate to it."

"Don't wanna."

"Seriously, I'll ease you into it. You'll thank me later." Kai began to rummage in the cupboards. After a minute he set a plate in front of Lloyd. On it was a tiny brown bean.

"Eat up."

"Is that a coffee bean?" Lloyd eyed it uneasily.

"Nope." Kai grinned. "Jellybean. Coffee-flavored."

"You're not funny."

"That's because I'm not joking," said Kai cheerfully. "G'wan, eat it. It'll get you used to the taste."

Lloyd sighed, but popped the jellybean into his mouth and chewed. He made a face.

"Ehh. I guess it's not terrible. Better than the coffee Nya gave me."

"Nya drinks her coffee black," said Kai, plopping down in another chair. "You should get a start with Turkish coffee, like Cole drinks. Tons of sugar and cream."

"How many kinds of coffee _are_ there?"

"Well, lemme see . . . "

About half an hour later Cole came wandering into the kitchen, yawning.

"Oh, you're already up?" he said, then grinned when he noticed Lloyd was asleep at the table. "Well, half up."

"Yep," said Kai. "I'm leading this kid down the path to drugs and dissolution."

"Again?" sighed Cole.

"Yep. Coffee."

"Don't get him hyped-up, okay? We have a mission tonight."

"He's fine," said Kai, prodding lightly at an unconscious Lloyd. "Judging how he responds to coffee, those jellybeans were probably artificially flavored."


	15. Like That One DC Movie

**All righty! Razena wanted to see a one-shot about how those four Technicians captured Zane, and it took me a while because I'm not verra good at writing villains, but here it finally is!**

 **Egh. Hope I'm not adding salt to the wound here.**

 **It's a bit grim and doesn't end happily, so feel free to skip it if that's not your cup of tea.**

* * *

Rinker sprawled back in a swivel chair, his feet on a desk, his eyes languidly roving the ceiling. He flicked a lazy glance to the door and grinned when a Venomari slipped in. She flashed her fangs in return and perched herself atop a side table.

A man and woman entered the office a while later, expressions much more serious. Rinker grinned at them all the broader, getting uneasy attempts at smiles in return. The snake chuckled. These softies knew who they'd been partnered with.

Her name was Pansy. She'd been given that name as a hatchling, and growing up with it had made her hard, but when she became an adult she kept it. No one questioned the fighting skills of a snake who didn't need to change the name _Pansy._

Rinker's communicator buzzed. He flicked it on.

"The ninja got past the offices in Building A, they're heading into Building C." Silica's voice came through. "Stand by."

"Dayummmmm," drawled Rinker, rocking back in his chair again. "Looks like we'll get to see some action after all."

"Well, we're ready," said the other man, visibly making a show of toughness. Rinker and Pansy exchanged glances and chuckled knowingly. The two new arrivals were sitting quietly, expressionless, but Pansy could feel nervousness radiating off them. The man was called Casey Kruller, she was pretty sure. The woman's first name she didn't know, but her last was Teake. Neither of them had worked for the slobber trade, which explained why they were so jittery. Silica had probably purposely picked team members both from her own hires and from Nash's crew—a mix of loyalty and savagery.

Time ticked on. Rinker swore.

"Clever ninja. Never known the chief to take this long to root someone out."

"Patiencccce." Pansy busied herself with milking her venom, scraping her finger along the backs of her fangs, letting fat green drops plop into a handy vial. She pretended to be very preoccupied with this, but she could feel Kruller and Teake eyeing her with a sort of horrified fascination. She bit back a smirk.

"You _lookin'_ at sssomething?" she barked suddenly, and grinned when both humans started.

"No. You got a problem?" said Teake coolly.

Pansy cocked her head, mildly impressed at the nerve in the woman's tone.

"Nervous, sssmart kids?" she jeered. "You're playing with the big boys now, ya know."

She slipped down from the end table and slunk over to the desk where everyone else was sitting. With a predatory gleam in her eyes, she circled the two humans, testing how much she could make them sweat. They were both visibly uncomfortable, but Teake hid it better.

"Tenderfeet," crooned Pansy, circling around behind the desk. "Never killed. Never clinched a slobber deal. Bet you've never even held a gun, huh?"

Kruller glanced over his shoulder as casually as he could manage, and started when he saw Pansy was gone.

"Never silenced a snitch?!" crowed Pansy directly by his ear. Kruller and Teake both shied away, and Teake's hand sprang to the taser she was wearing on her belt. Within a second she had it leveled at Pansy's nose.

"Back off," she said, her voice cracking a little.

"Ooooooooooooooooooh." Pansy crossed her eyes at the taser's tip. "Very nice!"

"We may have to recruit this one," said Rinker lazily. "Thought much about your future career, honey?"

"Eff off," gritted Teake. "You're disgusting."

Rinker and Pansy cackled delightedly. Teake's mouth hardened into a straight line, and gosh knows what would have happened further if Rinker's communicator hadn't buzzed again. This time Nash's voice came through.

"Be damned, they've headed through the offices, they mussst have gotten back into the factory. Mobilize all units, surround the building, guard every exit. They're not getting out of this place."

"'ey yo." Rinker swung to his feet, grinning. "We're in business." Into the communicator he said, "We're heading out, Chief. What's the plan?"

"Stay alert for the girl's mech, it's known to have remote sssummons. If you see it coming, shoot it down. Send a squad to search inside the factory, but be ssssparing, you dig? It's more important we don't have gaps in the seige lines. They _can't get out._ "

"Got it. We won't need much help, Chief, four or five extra's'll do the job."

Rinker switched channels and began to rap out orders to the squads of Technicians positioned in and around the building, leaving it to the sub-bosses to organize themselves outside. Meanwhile Pansy gave Teake and Kruller the rundown.

"We'll have a small squad helping us look for the ninja and split them up. We're technically not supposed to hurt any of them—Silica's orders—but the chief wouldn't really mind if there were a few . . . accidents." She grinned. "Anyways, we just have to get the Nindroid alone. You can't miss him, he's a walking coffeepot. Once we track that kid down, we get that drive out of his head. If necessary Teake puts him down with her little zap cannon. Capiche?"

"Got it." Teake clipped her taser back to her belt, while Kruller nodded tersely. Rinker finished his orders, checked the silencer on his rifle, and swung it over his shoulder.

"Let's go."

* * *

After only a few minutes of searching, the drive squad was attracted by the sound of a gunshot.

"Someone's found them," smirked Rinker. They began to move to the source of the noise, aided by several subsequent gunshots, and found a large die-casting machine to hide behind. Rinker pressed himself back and motioned for the others to stay put, then swung carefully around the side of the machine, rifle at the ready. He paused, watching the scene, and swore.

"What does the idiot think he's doing?"

Pansy was perched atop the die-casting machine, also watching. Another one of the Technicians had just broken the tank of etching acid and shot down the falcon.

"Is he trying to melt the damn teakettle?"

"The drive issss probably well-protected," said Pansy. "Giving the Nindroid an acid bath might not damage it."

"But it also might," said Rinker tersely. "And our orders were to capture a hostage, not a puddle of melted slop. This guy's gonna need to talk to the chief."

"I'll arrange it," drawled Pansy.

Kruller and Teake exchanged pained looks.

Rinker ducked back out of sight as Jay scampered by in close range, the gunman after him.

"Well, at least he leaves us our own prey," grumbled Rinker, squinting at the Nindroid. Zane had tried to tackle the gunman to prevent him from chasing Jay, but they had only tussled briefly before Zane was thrown backwards into a bin of scrap metal. Right now he was only just thrashing and clattering his way out, clearly intending to follow the Technician chasing Jay.

Rinker didn't give him a chance. Swinging the rifle up to his shoulder, he barely aimed before pulling the trigger. He still found his mark perfectly; the gun made a breathy whistling noise, instantly followed by the _crack!_ of titanium denting. Zane jolted and dropped to one knee.

"So, he feels 'em," grunted Rinker, ducking back into hiding. "That helps. Get ready to flank him. I'll herd him along."

Pansy, Teake, and Kruller disappeared in three different directions. Zane was already on his feet again. Like a well-trained ninja, he didn't waste time looking around to see where the shot had come from—he dove straight for cover. He'd scarcely slipped in between two bins of metal before Pansy came snapping at his heels. She put her sinuous snake abilities to good use, dodging his flashing shurikens as she drove him back out into the open. The second he was in sight Rinker fired again.

Pansy shied back reflexively as Zane jolted backwards from the force of the shot, a deep dent appearing just above his right hip. Once Pansy was sure Rinker wasn't going to fire again, she pushed the stumbling Nindroid over and pounced atop him, groping for his arms to pin him.

She was a little too slow. Zane slashed a shuriken under her chin. It didn't quite pierce her thick scales, but it left a deep scratch, and she did feel it. As she reared back in pain, Zane threw her off and rolled over, freezing her feet and one of her hands to the floor. As he continued the roll to get up onto his feet, another shot pinged into the floor right by him.

From nearby Rinker swore, chagrined. He always prided himself on his excellent marksmanship; as one of the human minority in the slobber trade, he automatically had an edge. Serpentine had a deep-seated revulsion to using guns, bows, and other long-distance weapons, stemming from the ancient imperative to look your prey in the eye before you killed it. And possibly from genetics, judging how hard it was to root the reflex out. Many snakes could blow every target dead through the center on a practice range, but when it came to shooting a living thing, try as they might, they would miss _every time_. It drove Nash absolutely insane.

Nash himself, of course, had no such reservations. Neither did Rinker, which was probably the main reason he'd survived this long and risen this high in the ranks.

Zane was by now well aware that he was being hunted. He headed for cover, zigzagging to make himself a harder target. Before he could even hide Kruller leaped out at him, swinging a metal rod. The man and the Nindroid whirled in a tight circle, steel clashing against shurikens, Kruller desperate, Zane hovering on the edge of terrified. He wasn't sure how many more opponents were going to appear.

Another _pow!_ as a bullet lodged itself in Zane's arm. He cried out in pain. Kruller, who had started back at the sudden shot, took the opportunity to nail him with the end of the pole. Zane stumbled back and fell, but almost immediately rolled to his feet again. He grabbed the pole mid-swing and threw Kruller to the floor with it, then tried to run. This time Teake leaped out at him. He swiveled and dashed the other way, only to find Pansy snarling in his path.

Zane whirled in a circle, panting, his eyes blazing a terrified white-blue. Someone was bearing down on him from each of three different directions. At the last second he spotted an opening. Spinning into an icy white Spinjitzu funnel, he dove between Teake and Pansy, barely dodging the snake's swiping claws, and ran for dear life. He made it to the top of a wire-pulling machine in two springs, embedded a shuriken in Kruller's leg when he tried to pursue, and leaped down on the other side.

"Damn, damn, damn!" Rinker scrambled to get a visual on the other side of the wire-pulling machine. Spotting a flash of moving silver as the Nindroid darted to another hiding place, he fired. Zane stumbled.

"He's down!" screeched Pansy, already bounding in pursuit. Teake was right by her side, while Kruller yanked the shuriken out of his leg and limped doggedly after them. Rinker reloaded his gun and went in for a closer shot.

Zane was not giving his attackers an easy time. Swinging fists, feet, and shurikens, he threw off Teake and Pansy again and again, staggering for balance as they hounded him from either side. Rinker cocked an eyebrow, appraising the likelihood of hitting either woman, then shouldered his rifle and got serious with the bullets.

Zane went down in earnest this time, spasming with pain. Breathlessly Pansy shoved him over and planted one knee between his shoulders to hold him. She fumbled for the panel in the back of his head.

"Hold his head," she barked to Teake. "We'll avoid tasing him if we can."

She clawed at the panel's edges, trying to find the catch to open it. Zane suddenly twitched and bucked violently, throwing her off. He scrabbled to his feet again, his eyes unfocused but his fists still flailing.

"What does it take to keep him down?!" snarled Rinker. He was too close to use his rifle right now; he tossed it aside and simply drove his shoulder into the staggering Nindroid's back, muscling him to the floor. When Zane somehow managed to writhe free, he grabbed the Nindroid's arm and dragged him down again.

"This tea kettle's insane," he said through gritted teeth, grabbing Zane's other arm and pinning both shoulders tightly to the floor. "There's no way we can yank the drive in one piece when he's flailing like this, nuke 'im, Teake."

Teake yanked out her taser and let it charge. The sharp blue electric glow was mirrored in Zane's wide, darting eyes. For one moment they seemed to fix on a point in the distance—something shifted behind the glass lenses—then Rinker let go as a bolt of electricity sprang from the taser and jolted through the Nindroid's metal frame. He spasmed, then clattered back onto the floor, limp. The light in his eyes winked out.

Rinker swore, swiping at his forehead.

"I can see why Silica wants them out of the way."

"I'll get the drive. Get bandaged, Kruller," said Pansy tersely. A pool of blood was collecting around the man's slashed leg, and he was starting to look faint. Teake didn't wait for orders or permission. She hitched her taser and went over to support Kruller as he limped unsteadily away.

"There's two that aren't gonna lasssst long," muttered Pansy. She rolled Zane over with one foot and bent to flick open the panel in the back of his head.


	16. 1000 Review Q&A Answers!

**Hiiiiiii guys! Questions for the 1000-review special are being answered here! Thanks for sending 'em in. ^_^**

 **If you haven't had a chance to ask questions yet, but you want to, go ahead! I'll update this chapter to add the new answers.**

 **One-shots are gonna start coming in soon!**

* * *

 **Destiny Willowleaf:**

 _Jay: What was the name of the game you guys were playing?_

Jay: _ENDURE: Island of Evil_. Honestly with a title like that I had high expectations.

Kai: I didn't.

 _Shiny: Are you excited for Pidge's birthday?_

WOT? When is it?! And key question, will there be cake, and can I have it?

 _Cole: Cake or noodles? Also, when do you think you started to appreciate dancing/enjoy it?_

Cole: Cake! Definitely. And the dancing—ah, I think it was after that talent show with the Blade Cup. I patched things up with my dad, so I stopped feeling like dancing was just something I was being forced to do, you know? And I actually kind of had fun at that talent show, which was a first. It felt really different being on stage when you're good friends with everyone in your dance troupe and you're sorta used to feeding off each other's energy.

Jay: Thaaaaaat sounds creepy. What are you, a Dementor?

Cole: You know what I mean. Plus, y'know, pulling off the Triple Tiger Sashay. That was a great feeling. I was hooked.

 _Kai: *pokes him closer to Skylor* You know you want her..._

Kai: *groans plaintively* I _do_ , okay? But it's not that simple . . . It's not safe for her to be around me right now. Plus . . . I don't know, she doesn't know about what I've been doing. With the slobber. I'd rather just stay away than have her _tell_ me to stay away.

 _Nya: Most awkward moment with the team? Can be something that happened to you or that involved you._

Nya: Ack. Heh heh . . . Well, it was back when we were living in that tiny little apartment. They had this thing where an inspector would come in about twice a year to check the smoke alarms and stuff in all of the apartments. Problem is, we didn't know that. So we were all out one day—I was working at the garage, everyone else was training Lloyd at Dareth's dojo—and this inspector got in with his master key and started inspecting our apartment. And just then I got home, and I see this guy prowling around. So I jumped him.

Kai: We were lucky we didn't get sued.

Nya: Yeah. He was very understanding, though!

Cole: Once we'd untied him.

 _Lloyd: How long is your hair at this point? Also, opinions on Voltron's resident green ninja(DOTU, Force, and VLD)?_

Lloyd: If I brushed it back, it would probably reach my shoulders. But I just wear it normally piled up on my head, the way I always have. It flops into my eyes a little bit sometimes, but it's not an issue. IT'S FINE, okay? *glares at teammates*  
Heh, Pidge is amazing. Although I wish people would stop comparing me to him/her. I am NOT that small and cute.

*Cole opens mouth*

Lloyd: I am NOT!

 _Zane: How many times has someone on the team hummed "Titanium" by David Guetta (featuring Sia) in your presence?_

Zane: Is _that_ what it is?! I could never figure out why everyone was humming at me and cackling. Often.

* * *

 **Jens:**

 _To you: How did this story's idea come to you?_

Like my usual; I was struck by the idea of "this would make a good climactic moment!" And then I started building some plot that would lead up to that climax. It happened twice, actually—one climax was for a story about Jay and aliens, the other was for a story about Kai and Nash and the slobber trade. Eventually I decided to combine the two stories to make FMW.

 _How long have you been writing?_

As long as I knew how. ^_^ When I was little I would write and illustrate horrible books entirely with markers. I was constantly walking around with marker stains all over my hands.

 _And for the chapter 71, the game that they've been playing, is it a game that already exists?_

Nah, I made it up. Though if you want a real glitchy game, there's always Sonic '06! And the "We Broke" series on YouTube is hilarious (although it does have some strong language/violent video games). I actually got the idea for the whole video game scene from "We Broke Star Trek." The part where Spock gets stuck with his arms above his head. :P

 _What is your favorite color? (I never understood why people hate this question.)_

Do they? I don't mind much. ^_^'' Anyways, it's teal or any kind of blue-green. :)

 _To Jay:_  
 _Would you agree with me if I told you that I don't get it why people don't like others asking them what is their favorite color? I bet you would._

Jay: I think I would agree! I mean, I love it when people ask me stuff. Any stuff! They don't do that often enough.

Cole: That's because you always volunteer more than enough information without being asked . . .

Jay: Oh, hush.

 _Jay: What's your guess for the reason you got a seriously creepy ill? You know, when you were sneezing lightnings? It was funny, in a way. No offense. :)_

Jay: Heh. It was funny, at least before I thought I was gonna die. ^_^'' Anyways, I think it was something down in those tunnels. Some weird underground germs or something. Yick.

 _And a question for ALL of you (including the aliens if they want XD) :_  
 _Uh... What could I ask? Well, uh... Just say a random sentence or a word that pops into your mind at this moment._

Cole: Cake.

Lloyd: Leave my hair alone!

Jay: This duck is a fire hazard.

Nya: Limestone. And Tinkertoys.

Jay: NO NOT TINKERTOYS.

Kai: I really am the greatest, y'know.

Zane: I hope I turned off the oven before coming here . . .

Aliens: WEEP WEEP!

* * *

 **Fire Oreo:**

 _Zane: How much do you love your Family? (I actually know the answer, but I wanna hear it xD_

Zane: More than anything . . .

 _Mipp and Mopp: Do you guys feel the craziness of these people on the boat you are currently living in? Cause I do XDD And I think someone's stealing your main caracter's spot here... XDD_

Meep (translated): You mean all humans don't act like this?

Mopp (translated): That's sad. They should all act like this. It's fun.

Meep (translated): It's awesome. And Jay is awesome! He can share the main character spot with us.

 _Shiny: Are you planning to be an author some day? Cause if you are, I encourage you sooooooooooo much!_

Thank you! Yeah, I do hope I can write books, someday. It's gonna be a difficult balancing act, though. ^_^''

 _And do you have any plans for Cole in the story? (Don't tell me what, though XD)_

Indeed I do! But I don't think Cole's going to like them.

* * *

 **KillerWhale:**

 _ShinyShiny: What kind of people do you appreciate? I hope I'm not being too indiscreet here._

Haha, you're fine; it'd be trickier if you asked what kind of people I _don't_ appreciate. Now that'd be a minefield. XP

Anyway! Well, the short answer is nice people. Who doesn't appreciate those, right? But also honest people. And if they can be nice _while_ being honest, well that's just fantastic!

People who are mature, I guess. Not in the sense like, "serious and never gets excited about stuff," but in the sense that they're responsible about the way they act. People who are okay with others having different opinions, and make sure they have their facts right before arguing. And if they do argue they do it respectfully and don't use underhanded tactics.

And especially people who are inspiring. Some people are just really good at that. They don't go around moralizing or anything; they just are so kind or funny or hardworking or responsible that it shows in everything they do and it makes you want to be like them. I'm lucky to have friends like that. ^_^

 _Jay: What's the thing that can drive you mad in a few seconds? In the good way or bad, as you like._

Jay: Mad in a bad way? Having to be quiet. Ugh. But mad in a good way? New Starfarer movie. And . . . heh heh . . .

Nya: *grins*

 _Nya: If your favorite color's blue, why are you always in red? Please don't be offended, I'm just curious._

Nya: No offense taken! Well, for the Samurai X getup I thought red was more ferocious. Plus I was a little worried that making it blue would give me away to people who knew it was my favorite color. Slim chance, I know, but still.  
As for my ninja suit, well, if I was blue I would look like Jay. And over the years I've started to like maroon a little more than blue. ^_^''

 _Kai: What's your favorite genre of music? Mine's electro._

Kai: Cool, I think Jay's into electro. But my favorite's rock. Good heavy rock!

 _Cole: How do you invent your recipes? And what's your latest one?_

Cole: Whatever I can get my hands on, in it goes! Or sometimes I like to combine my favorite foods. My latest one is noodle cake. Cake with noodles in it.

Kai: Please don't talk about it . . .

 _Lloyd: What are your favorite candies?_

Lloyd: Gummy katanas. ^_^''

 _Zane: What is your hobby? Except being with your family and protecting them._

Zane: I think I might get to like drawing. But I already love to read and be with nature. And cook or bake. It's relaxing.

* * *

 **Zaptrap:**

 _What do you think you would of done if you continued with the elemental sickness and didn't cut it as short as you did? (Not saying you cut it short but I'm curious)_

I think I would have been in some trouble! Because I really need Jay around for the rest of this story. ^_^''

 _Next for Jay,_  
 _How are you not emotionally scarred from all this trauma you have been going through, like cheese bless your soul *hugs you*_

Jay: Thanks for the hug! Actually on that topic, hugs have a lot to do with it. And my whole family just being awesome, really. Sensei Wu taught us how to be tough and keep a tranquil mind and stuff. My parents are always there for me. Nya . . . ah, I could probably make it through _anything_ for Nya. And all the guys are . . . well, they know when you need help collecting your marbles off the floor, if you know what I mean. *coughs* They don't have to know I said that, though. So I mean, there are still some things that hurt to think about, and things I try really hard to forget, but . . . Overall I'm pretty okay.

 _Shiny, what houses would you sort the ninja in!? (And if you want to sort other people like Nash, Silica, Wu etc go ahead)_

Hoo boy, it's been a while. Let me refresh my memory—Gryffindor is brave, Ravenclaw is smart, Hufflepuff is hardworking and fair, and Slytherin does whatever it takes to succeed (a nice way of saying they're ruthless), right?

Okies.

Kai would be Gryffindor or Slytherin. It's a really tough call, but I'm actually leaning towards Slytherin. He has that fascinating gritty, edgy, corruptible side.

Cole would be Hufflepuff. There is not any question. Hufflepuff even sounds like a Coley name. Cole Brookstone of the House of Hufflepuff. And they have a freaking earth-dwelling badger as their mascot.

I could see Jay in any house except Gryffindor, but I think he might also land in Hufflepuff. He's a little too flighty to be a Ravenclaw, and not cool enough to be Slytherin.

Zane would be Ravenclaw. Also not any question. He's so Ravenclaw he even has a giant bird to prove it.

Lloyd would be Gryffindor. He has some Huffledy-Puffledy aspects, but not enough.

Nya would be Gryffindor or Ravenclaw. She works hard and she's really big on fairness, but she's too intense for Hufflepuff. I'm leaning towards Gryffindor.

Nash would be Slytherin. There is negative number of question.

Silica would be Ravenclaw. She's a smart one. Tech-wise at least; her choice of business partners is the worst.

Wu would be Ravenclaw I guess, since he's so wise. But he was pretty brave back when he was a solo fighter too, so Gryffindor isn't ruled out completely.

Misako would be Ravenclaw. I mean, a door that asks you riddles? She lives for riddles.

Natanka would be Gryffindor or Slytherin.

Meep and Mopp would be Hufflepuff, I think. Hard to say. :P

* * *

 **Anonymous7:**

 _\- what do you think about the new Ninjago movie?_

I think it looks pretty spiffy! I have great hopes for it, and coming from me that's a lot. :P

 _\- what country/state do you live in?_

Officially, Antarctica. That's what I set my FFN profile to. :P Buuuut US, really.

 _\- so what happened with their deal with Sylvia in chapter 61 i think of Fantastic MW? they did they end up being on her show, right?_

Yep! In Chapter 62. That'll actually come up again soon, so I'm glad you asked. :)

 _\- how long was Kai involved in the slobber trade?_

Only a few months. He started at the Slither Pit pretty soon after Zane "died," and he started hiding slobber shipments just a little bit after that. And then when Lloyd came to drag him over to Master Chen's he quit the business cold turkey. Technically he was barely ever a real member of the "crew" at all, but tell Nash that.

 _\- how old are you? maybe an age-range?_

Old enough to drink and drive.  
. . . NOT BOTH AT ONCE, of course.

* * *

 **Moonlight mm123:**

 _To Kai:_  
 _Do you still think that snakes in general can't be trusted?_

Kai: Well . . . not explicitly. I'm trying to be fair. But subconsciously? I don't know. I . . . might still reflexively be more cautious with a snake than with a human. Old habits die hard. I'm still working on it.

 _To Zane:_  
 _How did you become such a good video game player in such a short time?_

Zane: Lots of practice! Lloyd and I played Smash Bros. Brawl for hours. And then suddenly, it all just started coming more easily. I think I must have been missing my memories of playing video games from before the Golden Master, and eventually they came back to me. I was quite good back then.

Cole: Yeah. He beat Jay all the time.

Jay: Rarely! RARELY.

 _To Zane: If it's not too much to ask for, could you please list all the types of hugs you've learned so far?_

Zane (looking to Lloyd): Is this classified knowledge?

Lloyd: Wh-why are you looking at me, you didn't learn all this from me, no way. *sweatdrop*

Zane: Um . . .

Lloyd: *sigh* Go ahead.

Zane: Very well then. There are normal hugs, the ones with two arms. Then there is also a variation with only one arm, which is short and less intimate. Then there are side hugs with one arm. You have to be careful about those because they can mean different things in different contexts. Then there is the very important "bro hug," which is hugging with one arm while shaking hands with the other. This one is almost always a safe bet. An even safer bet is to shake hands and knock your shoulder against the other person's as you move on. The exception is in business or formal environments, where the regular bro hug is viewed as more acceptable. In casual environments there are also many useful non-hug alternatives, like the fist bump. And then there are . . . many many nuances to all of these. It's a little overwhelming.

Kai: Woah. You taught him all of this?

Lloyd: No. Go away. *hides under pillow*

 _To Sensei Wu:_  
 _What made you abandon tea in favor of coffee - at least in Chapter 71?_

Sensei Wu: The forces that govern this world are chaotic and irresponsible. But also, I view a nice sweetened coffee as a special treat to have on relaxed mornings. Misako and I felt it was a good occasion to have some coffee and coffeecake.

 _To the aliens (not sure they'll be able to understand it, let alone reply):_  
 _Did you enjoy being part of the Intergalactic Orchestra?_

Mopp (translated): BEST ORCHESTRA!

Meep (translated): We will be the most famous-est. We will have a famous ceedree.

Mopp (translated): It's "CD."

Meep (translated): Yeah, that.

 _Is Meep bigger than Mopp because he's older?_

Meep (translated): Yes, I'm olderer. I bloomed first.

 _To Silica:_  
 _Do you wear hoodies?_

Silica: All the time! They're great.

* * *

 **LiaLia15:**

 _Nya: what did you end up doing with that limestone that Jay gave you?_

Nya: It's on a shelf on the _Bounty's_ main control panel!

 _Lloyd: what's your opinion on fanfiction? Have you ever read any?_

Lloyd: Nah, I've . . . heard things. I know Jay and Nya read a lot of them, though. Jay keeps nagging me to read this one Starfarer fanfic.

 _Kai: what's your opinion about Nya being involved with you guys and all this Technician business? Does that freak you out a little or are you pretty chill with it?_

Kai: Well, I'm always a little nervous about her doing dangerous stuff with the rest of us, but pretty okay with it. But now, what with Nash, things could get _really_ messed-up, and I kinda wish even more that she wasn't involved. I know she's tough, though. Plus she'd get angry if I freaked out too much, so I've got no choice but to at least act like I'm chill with it.

 _Jay: wait, are you a Harry Potter fan, CUZ SAME._

Jay: I was a pretty big fan of the books and movies, back in the day!

* * *

 **TheAmberShadow:**

 _I got one for Nash (and the other two big bosses now that I think about it). Do you ever know when to quit? Because you are either really stupid, or really determined. And you are sure as heck not ninja._

Silica: I know when to quit . . . And I also know when I can't afford to quit. Guess which one is me.  
I'm not lying, I've wanted to book out of this project a whole bunch of times before. But with the amount of work I've put into this—the number of people involved—the amount of trouble I'd be in if anyone found out—ugh. There's no way I can back out now.

CapsLock: Sure, I know when to quit. We're nowhere near that point yet. I'm more surprised these idiot ninja haven't quit. They've given us some headaches; we've given _them_ death and injury. We're still playing a winning game.

BlueScreen/Nash: The correct time to quit is after you have eaten your enemy's entrails. And that has not happened yet. So!

Silica: Dear eff ess _em_ , Blue . . .

* * *

 **Elveron294:**

 _Jay-Would you like to buy some explosive Tinkertoys? They're nice and explosive!_

Jay: They're nooooooot Tinkertoys! *rests head on table*  
Ugh. But yes. I'd love some explosive ones. As long as they're not powerful enough to blow out the wall of the _Bounty_ or anything, I don't think Sensei would like that.

 _Everyone(including Shiny)-Would you rather be able to change the past or the future?_

Me? The past. I don't know the future, so I don't think I could change it properly. But I definitely know a lot of things in the past that I'd like to change. Plus if you change the past, you automatically change the future too! Doubles.

Jay: Past. Done it before. It worked great.

Kai: Yeah, changing the past has worked out amazingly well for us all. Except Lloyd who has no clue what we're talking about.

Cole: Besides, we like our future surprising!

Jay: Speak for yourself . . .

 _Shiny-Do you see yourself as-even slightly-like Joss Whedon?_

Welllll, I do not know very much about Joss Whedon, but . . . maybe? *browses Wikipedia.* Huh. Well, we do both like writing.

 _Do you prefer writing fluff or angst?_

Fluff. Sometimes I write angst in a low mood, but even then it usually ends up being angsty fluff.

 _On a scale of one to ten, how much do you like yaoi?_

Um . . . maybe a . . . threeeeee? . . . Middling two?

 _What hands do you like?_

LEGO hands. They're far superior to Playmobil hands, and don't even get me started on human hands.  
(I'm kidding, I'm kidding; Maroon 5, Imagine Dragons, Fall Out Boy, Block B, and The Sketches.)

* * *

 **Greenninjaisbae:**

 _To everyone really, what's the scariest part of this whole journey?_

Jay: ALL OF IT.

Cole: You're scared of video games and permanent markers?

Jay: Well, okay, okay, but I can't pick just one! The mine tunnels, maybe. And being sick. And Nash. And Nash. And also Nash.

Kai: Yeah, Nash.

Zane: Having my neural drive removed.

Lloyd: Nearly losing Jay and Zane.

Nya: Same.

Cole: Probably the time I thought I'd pushed Lloyd into the path of an avalanche.

 _And how are you not like emotionally scarred?_

Jay: Like above. We've got a great Sensei and great families and each other.

Kai: And honestly after the training Wu puts you through to become a ninja there's not much left that can scar you.

[Shiny jumping in here—I can tell you right here that at least one of them definitely _is_ emotionally scarred. And doing a bang-up job of hiding it . . . ]

 _And (I know there are a lot of questions) what are your favourite things about each other?_

What the . . . hey, all of you get back here! *Sets out after ninja*

It appears these squeamish dweebs can't be convinced to say nice things about each other in front of each other. Fine, wise guys; here's a hat, write down your compliments and dump them in here. I'll read them out anonymously. Geez . . .

 _For Kai:_ "Always looks out for us." "Loyal." "Talks a mean game but will never actually do anything bad to anyone."  
Kai: ExCUSE me, I can do more than talk mean!  
Cole: Prime example right there.  
Kai: ! ! !  
Stow it you two. Also two variations on "Will be there for you when you're feeling awful."

 _For Jay:_ I've got three variations on "Cheers everyone up/is funny"—  
Jay: Really?!  
Mmhm. And also "Is great to talk to and knows technology" and "Is fun to be around."  
Jay: I KNEW I was funny! I knew it!  
Kai: This is gonna go to his head . . .

 _For Cole_ : Literally everyone has some form of "best hugs" somewhere in there.  
Cole: Wait, what?!  
But otherwise. "Steady and calm." "Is Best Dirtclod." (Way to stay anonymous, Jay.) "Is patient with us even when we're being difficult." "Is good at knowing when someone needs help or is confused." "Looks out for the whole team and is always making sure everyone's okay."  
Kai: . . . Are you crying?  
Cole: NO. *snif*

 _For Zane:_ "Really smart and has great skills to help on missions." "Good listener, good when you want a serious conversation." "Is made of squishy innocence."  
Zane: But I am made of Titanium . . .  
Uhm. "Great cooking, really smart, really nice." "Always tries to get everyone to be nice to each other."

 _For Nya:_ "Amazing mechanic." "Really brave but also really nice." "Does everything from tech support to moral support without breaking a sweat." "Always there for you." "Gives good advice and encouragement."  
Nya: Woah. I think I can pick out Kai's, but I honestly couldn't guess which one is Jay's . . .  
Jay: Uh, th-that was on purpose. I . . . might have put down my _second-_ favorite.  
Cole: How obvious, exactly, would the first one have been?  
Jay: . . .

 _For Lloyd_ : "Is fun to annoy and is president of the Society for the Easily Amused."  
Lloyd: Arrrrrrrgh. I'm _trying,_ I can't help it—  
Bear in mind kiddo, this _is_ a "favorite things" list. Now. "Always sees the good in everyone and anything." "Peacemaker." "Always has hope and finds a way to keep smiling." "Will have so much completely unfounded faith in you that it'll become founded."

* * *

 **Echo Zane:**

 _Are we still doing questions?_

Yep!

 _Is there ever a review you wish you could take back for fear of ruining or dampening someone's creativity?_

Mmm . . . not that I can remember. I'm either blameless or unrepentant. Place your bets. :]

 _What do you think about angst stories, do you think that something drives the person to write specific genres?_

Ech . . . I have some severe conflict of interest going on with that one. I think I might have to skip it. Sorry. ^_^''

* * *

 **Zoodirektor:**

 _for Natanka:_  
 _\- Could you please give us some biological facts about Venomari?_

Natanka: My pleasure. Well, obviously the most important part is the venom. Besides that, we're pretty much the same as other tribes of Serpentine. Strong stomachs, carnivorous diet, particular sensitivity for the flavors in meat. We have more rod photoreceptors than humans, but our pupils can't dilate or contract as fast. We have four-chambered hearts, but not like mammal four-chambered hearts. Kind of like fancier crocodile hearts.

But the venom! It's produced in glands in our snouts, just a little bit in front of the eyes. Most Venomari produce about eight tablespoons a day, but some ("droolers") produce a lot more. I've heard of up to twenty tablespoons. Then there are some who produce less, and a few who are "dry" and can't produce venom at all. Back in the old days these snakes would have a very hard time, but these days they're mostly all right.

The venom is released voluntarily. Depending on what we're trying to do, we can just let it flow down grooves in the back of the fangs, or channel it to a small fringe of bone just behind the upper lip, which allows us to blow the venom into a fine mist.

The venom has powerful denaturing enzymes, and also acts as a surfactant. It'll chew up the proteins inside you and melt your cell membranes for good measure. When applied to the eyes, it hijacks the optic nerves and triggers nervous pathways to the amygdala, which is what causes the fear. On the skin, it slowly seeps past the protective outer layers and gets into the bloodstream. It does this slowly enough that it won't actually poison you, but it does chew up a few blood cells and eventually cause inflammation in the brain. Its drug action is probably most similar to LSD; it screws with serotonin receptors, particularly in the locus coeruleus.

Since the venom is so damaging to "exposed" cells, putting it directly in the bloodstream is much more dangerous than letting it seep through your skin. A bite from a Venomari is quite likely to be fatal, and they haven't been able to develop an artificial antivenin yet. Natural antivenin is very hard to get, because it's produced in a gland right below our brains. You can't get at this gland without killing the snake. The gland produces several ounces of antivenin daily, enough to counteract any of a snake's own venom that seeps out of the storage sinuses. It can also counteract the venom from a bite by another Venomari, so we're immune to one or maybe two bites from our own tribe. Anything more than that will kill us too, though.

Heavy "droolers" have slightly larger antivenin glands, but they would probably still poison themselves on the amount of venom their own bodies produce. Except they really do drool. Their storage sinuses can't hold all that venom, so it drips out of the fangs. Or they have to spit it out several times a day. Baby Venomari always drool venom, because they haven't learned how to control its release yet.

The venom glands and the antivenin gland develop on a very tight schedule in Venomari embryos. Usually they develop at the exact same time. But if the venom glands develop even a little bit sooner . . . well, that egg is never going to hatch. It makes Venomari extremely nervous parents. We've actually evolved to lay slightly more eggs than the other tribes, to compensate for our high hatch failure rate. And we have many more twins.

 _for Meep and Mopp:_  
 _\- Does your species have genders, and if yes, how many?_

Meep: Genners?

Mopp: It's like different flavors of human.

Meep: Eh?

Mopp: You know. Like how Nya and Misako [untranslatable] different from everyone else? [My apologies, the aliens have a sense that humans don't. There's no English word for it.]

Meep: Ohhhhhh. No, we don't have that. We're all the same flavor.

 _Meep and Mopp - Are the genders constant or do individuals change genders during their lifetime?_

Meep: We are only one genner all our lives. Why do humans have different flavors anyway?

Mopp: I think you need both kinds if you want to make more humans.

Meep: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?

Mopp: Uh-huh. There has to be two.

Meep: WHY? How does it work?! What if you don't HAVE two humans?! YOU MADE THIS UP.

Mopp: I did not!

* * *

 **Lightningcat:**

 _Question for the 5 ninja, Nya, and Wu:_  
 _What is your favorite band/singer?_

Kai: Nickelback.  
Nya: Oh pleeeeeease.  
Kai: I don't care what kind of reputation they have! They're good!

Nya: Yeesh. Well, mine's Sia.  
Kai: You pick your favorite singer because she rhymes with your name, and you make fun of _me?  
_ Nya: It's not because she rhymes with my name!

Jay: Mine's Pegboard Nerds.

Lloyd: I do like Nickelback too, but I'm getting more into Shinedown these days.

Cole: Michael Jackson. Prince is a close second.

Zane: Uhm . . . I'm having difficulty choosing between Tchaikovsky and deadmau5 . . .  
Jay: You are caught between classical music and progressive house.  
Zane: Yes.  
Jay: Ohhhhkay!  
Zane: If you asked PIXAL though, it would definitely be deadmau5.

Wu: I don't particularly care for singers—I prefer the gentle unadulterated sound of the samisen, in the hands of any skilled musician. But if I had to choose, I do appreciate the talent of the Royal Blacksmiths.  
Cole: Awww, Dad's gonna be so proud.

* * *

 **Monranr:**

 _After all of the time and effort you've spent on Fantastic Mr. Walker, is there anything you would have done differently looking back on it? Perhaps different story routes or characters?_

You're asking me to think a lot more analytically about this story than I'm used to. XD Huh . . . I think it would mostly benefit from being shorter. If I had discipline, I'd trim out all the unnecessary fluff, make the tunnel arc shorter, keep it to the bare bones of the action. Make it into a real lean 60,000-word endeavor.

Buuuuuut I'm writing this story for fun, not discipline, so that's how it turned out.

I also wish I did better fleshing out CapsLock's character. He exists in the story, but not in a particularly prominent role.


	17. Request for TheAmberShadow

**Phew! Sorry it took so long to start posting these! I've been working on several one-shots at once, plus answering new questions that you folks have asked.**

 **Speaking of that, the previous chapter is now updated with answers to lots more questions! So if you didn't get an answer in there before, it's probably in there now. :)**

* * *

 **Okay, usually I try to shift review replies for this story back to FMW, but I think I'll make an exception here!**

 **Anonymous7: Thank you! Hah, that's awesome. Greenbean is a cute nickname, I'd use it more but it's been done better by StoneByrd and I don't want to steal her thunder. ^_^''  
Thanks for the questions, btw!**

 **TheAmberShadow: "The duck is a fire hazard" is something I actually said a few days ago, and I swear it made perfect sense in-context. But not so much out of context. XD And trust Jay to be random, right?  
Well, Lloyd is a squeamish dweeb and doesn't like people to know that he's a hug expert. He wants to be Savage Tough Ninja, and hug expert is not that. :P  
They speak in LOLcat! :3  
Question has been added to the previous chapter. ^_^  
**

 **Jens: Aww. ^_^'' Trust me, We Broke Star Trek is awesome. "SPAWWWWWWWK!"  
It made sense originally, but Jay's not big on making sense anyway. XD  
Gummy katanas are a joke KitaLoki on DA and I came up with. I don't think they exist in the real world, but in Ninjago they are actual life-sized rainbow-colored katanas of candy. :P  
I love baking too!  
Eeeep. Oh my. ^_^''  
Okay, I won't tell! ;P Sounds like fun! I've only had a chance to play it like twice, and I'd never held a game controller before. You can imagine how that went. XD  
Thanks! It's LOLcat. :P Yeah, it was important! But the aliens are small scatterbrains and soon forgot they were supposed to be telling the ninja.  
He really did bloom! That's the closest English approximation for the alien words, anyway. Aliens reproduce differently from Earth multicellular creatures. ^_^''  
GAK! Oh noes! I forgot to put in Zane! Sorry; I went back and put him in. ^_^''  
Thank you for the amazing review! :)**

 **Fire Oreo: Thanks for the review! Heh, Jay earned his favorite status by being a great alien dad. We'll see about Coley!**

* * *

TheAmberShadow: Lloydille. Please do something like... Misako (or Sensei) invites Chamille over for dinner, but no one tells Lloyd, and maybe throw in some teasing from Kai about how the two of them are a couple but don't know it.

 _Notes: I was having a little difficulty with this one_ — _I seem to be out of practice on Lloydille. ^_^'' I think it turned out a little intense and maybe dark for a romance. Hope it's still okay!_

 _Set sometime after Season 4, maybe even after 5 or 6, but not within the continuity of FMW._

* * *

Lloyd was not very happy about his current situation. The ninja had been summoned to the simmering jungles in the south of Ninjago to respond to a local ecological crisis. This in itself was not so bad. After the kind of things the ninja faced at Chen's Palace and beforehand, running around after some endangered bird was nothing.

The awkward part was their choice of allies. Misako was good friends with a leading ecological and historical expert who lived in the area, Dr. Eohns. She had invited the doctor over for dinner on the _Bounty_ so she could explain what the ninja had to do. And she brought her teenage daugher—Chamille.

"Holy frick, Minty!" Chamille regarded Lloyd with amazement as both their mothers said their hellos. "It really is you. I thought for sure my mom must be talking about a different bunch of ninjas."

"Hi." Lloyd smiled wanly. "I didn't know our moms knew each other."

"Me neither. I guess it kinda makes sense, though. They're both history nuts," said Chamille, folding her arms.

They eyed each other in silence for a while.

"Everyone, this is Dr. Eohns," said Misako, turning to the ninja and Wu. "She's an expert on the Parara Bird and its history, and she'll be telling us all about it over dinner."

"Nice to meet you all," said Dr. Eohns once they'd gone through introductions. "Let me get some scrolls and paperwork I can show you over dinner, and I'll join you in just a moment."

As some of the others, including Chamille, went to help Dr. Eohns retrieve her stuff, Kai gave Lloyd a light push after the Master of Form.

"What are you standing there for? You said like six words at her!" he said, keeping his voice low. "You can't keep a girlfriend if you won't even keep up a conversation."

"Not this again," muttered Lloyd. "She's not my girlfriend. Just ask her."

"Okay, I will." Kai started off.

"No, geez!" Lloyd pulled him back by the shirt hastily. He was pretty sure Chamille would agree with him, but you could honestly never be _sure_ with Chamille.

He had to admit he was happy to see her again, though. It would be nice if they could spend a little time together—preferably _without_ any interference from the others. Heaven forbid interference from the others.

Heaven did a poor job of forbidding, because when Lloyd arrived at the dinner table, he found everyone had arranged themselves to leave only one space—next to Chamille. Lloyd set his teeth. He considered just asking someone to move, but he didn't want to create a scene in front of Dr. Eohns. So he sat.

Chamille was sitting ramrod-straight. She didn't even glance Lloyd's way when he sat down.

"They're rigging the game against us, Minty," she whispered hoarsely, her eyes still fixed straight ahead. Lloyd took her example and also looked elsewhere.

"I know," he whispered back. "Sorry."

"Nahh. We'll fix these wise guys." Chamille mumbled to her dinner plate. "Don't give 'em the show they want. Gotta be cool."

"Very cool." Lloyd gave the tiniest nod.

"Super casual. Ignore me completely."

"I'm ignoring you."

"Great. We'll disappoint the pants off 'em."

"Would you two quit whispering sweet nothings?" interrupted Kai from the other side of Lloyd. "Dr. Eohns is about to tell us about the bird."

Lloyd and Chamille exchanged an irritated glance before turning to pay attention.

Over dinner, Dr. Eohns explained that their mission would be to protect the jungle's local curiosity: the exotic Parara Bird. It was an incredibly endangered species—in fact, there was only one in all of Ninjago. This bird had a regrettable lifestyle. Every year it would go to a very particular rock, build a nest, lay an egg, and die. Then the egg would hatch into a new Parara Bird and the cycle would begin again. Legend had it that if the cycle was ever broken, destruction would fall upon the jungle, and maybe even upon all of Ninjago.

Of course, there were always those more interested in making a fortune than safeguarding Ninjago's future. Feathers from the Parara Bird were worth untold thousands, and gosh only knows what the actual bird might be worth. This year, said Dr. Eohns, they feared poachers might be a particular problem. That's where the ninja came in.

"The Parara Bird's migration day is tomorrow," she said. "It will have built its nest by the day after. We must make absolutely sure it does not fail."

"How difficult could it be to protect one little bird?" said Kai.

"Hopefully not too difficult. Nobody has ever traced the exact migration path of the Parara Bird, so the poachers won't know where to look any more than we do. Just to be safe, though, we should probably try to find the bird before they do. Then we can see it safely to its nesting spot."

"Great," said Cole. "We'll split up and comb the jungle first thing tomorrow. Don't worry, Dr. Eohns. We won't fail."

"I know you won't."

"Hmmm . . . " Chamille was looking thoughtful. "So, uh . . . I guess it's gonna be pretty dangerous out in that jungle, right? What with poachers everywhere . . . "

"Well, there shouldn't exactly be hordes of poachers, but yes, there is an element of danger."

"Huh." Chamille glanced innocently at the ceiling. "Too bad. Guess it's too dangerous for me, huh?"

"You know you're not allowed into the jungle alone," said Dr. Eohns, giving her daughter a warning look. Lloyd got the feeling this was something they'd clashed about before.

"What about in pairs?" he offered. "We're all really good ninja. Chamille could pair up with one of us. It would be safe, and we could use another member with lots of jungle knowledge."

"Oh, that I'd be fine with," said Dr. Eohns, brightening. "The jungle is much more manageable with a buddy system, and Chamille's been on pair and group hikes before. Thank you so much for offering."

"And thanks for volunteering to be her partner, Lloyd," said Kai innocently. Lloyd didn't even bother to glare—Kai might think he was annoying him, but this was actually playing right into Lloyd's hands. Now he could spend some peaceful time alone with Chamille. Perfect scenario, right?

Apparently not.

"You. Ruined. EVERYTHING," said Chamille, throwing her hands into the air. The ninja were all setting up a home base camp in the jungle, and Chamille was listing her grievances.

"How did I ruin anything? You _wanted_ to go!," said Lloyd irritably. "It's not _that_ terrible that you have to go with me, is it?"

"It's not about you!" Chamille threw up her hands again. "The whole idea was to go with you. But you ruined the _premise_."

"How?"

"Geez." Chamille stretched a tent cord with grouchy efficiency. "You know how it goes in all the shows and movies. The kids always get told they can't go out to do the dangerous thing, so then they sneak out and do it anyway! But you just _had_ to convince my mom to let me come along. There's no adventure this way!"

"You were _trying_ to set this up so you'd have to disobey your mom?" Lloyd stared at her.

"Ahh, don't be a goody-two-shoes." She waved him off irritatedly and folded her arms. When Lloyd continued to look at her with dismay she huffed. "I mean, I would probably have actually _told_ her we were sneaking out, and that I'd be with you. Or left a note or something."

"I hope so," said Lloyd drily.

"Goody-goody two-shoes," muttered Chamille, going back to work.

Lloyd shook his head, packing a knapsack. He supposed he shouldn't be surprised. He'd long ago learned that Chamille was fond of doing things "by the book"—she studied up on life and relationship clichés and then tried them out in real life. It usually kept things interesting, but he'd kind of assumed she was sensible about how far to take it. Maybe he'd assumed wrong.

* * *

Soon they were all splitting up into the jungle, armed with radios. Dr. Eohns had showed them artistic sketches and grainy fleeting photos of the Parara Bird, and they all agreed it was the most homely-looking bird they had ever seen. Still. No use gambling with Ninjago's future.

"I guess we'll have to make the best of this," said Chamille, as she and Lloyd set out. "We can pretend we're not supposed to be here. Ooh! Or we can pretend we're lost!"

"We need to be serious," said Lloyd. "These poachers could be dangerous. I don't think they're going to just let us waltz in and keep the Parara Bird away from them, you know."

"Oh." Chamille sobered. "Do we have to be quiet or something?"

"It probably wouldn't hurt."

"Okay, then we can do it this way," aid Chamille. "We'll pretend we've been lost and stranded in the jungle. We barely know each other. We have to spend like the first 60 to 70% of the trip hating each other's guts, so that's why we're so quiet. We're sulking. But we'll have a lot of adventures and slowly develop a grudging respect for each other and learn to keep each other safe. Then the rest of it follows from there, and by the end of it we'll be best friends. Sounds good?"

"Works for me." Lloyd laughed. "Only don't keep hating my guts when we get attacked by poachers and I need backup, okay?"

"Of course not. The whole point is to act like we want each other dead but then save each other's lives a ton."

"What kind of movies do you watch?" Lloyd shook his head.

* * *

Admittedly things could have gone worse, Lloyd reflected, sopping at his bleeding knuckles. As luck would have it, he and Chamille were the ones who ran into the poachers. Even worse, these poachers had already caught the Parara Bird, and had it in a cage. Lloyd and Chamille managed to swoop in and hijack the bird, then hid in a giant hollow tree while the poachers raged by into the jungle, looking for them. The only injury they sustained was Lloyd's scraped knuckles.

"I think they're gone," he said, peeking out of the tree. "They're heading in the direction of Cole and Zane's patrol. I'll radio them to be ready and catch those guys."

Meanwhile Chamille was studying the Parara Bird, still in its cage.

"Geez. I knew it was ugly, but this is insane." She squinted, frowning. "Uh-oh. Its wing is weird."

Lloyd looked over from his radio conversation.

"Oh shoot. That's broken." He turned back to the radio. "Guys, we've got the Parara Bird safe here, but it's got a broken wing. What do we do?"

"Oh gosh," said Cole. "I don't know."

"It's obvious," said Chamille. "We have to take this stupid bird to its nesting spot. Call my mom. I'll bet you a thousand ken that's what she'll say."

That was indeed what she said.

"You shouldn't be far from the nesting site," she told Lloyd over the radio. The connection crackled and fizzed. "Do you think you can carry the bird there safely and help it build its nest?"

"Sure," said Lloyd gamely. "But how do we find the nesting site?"

"The bird should know," said Dr. Eohns. "If you—" the radio suddenly spat out a burst of static. "Point it— _chsss!_ —three hours— _kssshhhhakk!_ —not likely to— _vweeeeeeeeooooo!_ "

The two teenagers cringed at the high-pitched whine of interference, and the Parara Bird gave a disapproving squawk. Chamille fished it out of the cage.

"Well," she sighed as Lloyd switched off the radio. "I guess we're stuck with this dodo."

"But how are we going to find the nesting site?" asked Lloyd, scruffing up his hair anxiously. "We can't just search in a random direction—we might not reach it in time that way!"

"Hmmm." Chamille looked down at the Parara Bird, which was hanging unconcernedly in her grip. The bird made a steady, soft peeping noise. When Chamille shifted her grip, the peeping grew louder for a second, then tapered off again.

"I'm getting a feeling . . . " Chamille held the bird firmly and swung it from side to side in a wide arc, like a metal detector. The peeping grew louder and softer in a bell-shaped curve, always growing loudest when Chamille pointed the bird in a certain direction.

"How d'ya like that?" The master of Form grinned at Lloyd. "Bird compass."

* * *

They named the bird MacGuffin, and they let her ride on Lloyd's shoulder, occasionally taking her down to check if they were going the right way.

"So what part of our relationship are we in now?" asked Lloyd, shooing the bird away as it tried to chew on his hair. "Are we still hating each other's guts?"

"Nah, now that we have the bird we're on a new program," said Chamille. "Now we're bonding over caring for the cute helpless animal."

Lloyd looked at the bird (which was definitely not cute) and raised an eyebrow at Chamille.

"Gotta make do with what we have," she said, shrugging.

The jungle was pretty tough going. They pushed their way through dense vegetation and marshy pools, cautious about mosquitoes, leeches, and venomous snakes.

"This bird better appreciate what we're doing," mumbled Lloyd, checking their bearings again. "Oh, great. We'll have to cross this stream." He looked at Chamille. "What are you _doing?_ "

Chamille was hunched over the bank, squinting into the water.

"Look!" she called. "Piranhas!"

"For real?" Lloyd crouched next to her. "Wait. Why do you have a hot dog?"

"I brought some in case there were piranhas." Chamille broke off another bit of raw hot dog and tossed it into the water, watching with fascination as the tiny red-bellied monsters roiled around it.

"Wandering around with raw meat in the middle of the jungle?" Lloyd raised his eyes heavenwards. "Seems safe."

"Relaaaaax, Minty. I grew up living right by this jungle. The biggest predator in these parts is the size of a terrier." Chamille tossed in another hot dog and nodded to the Parara Bird. "How else do you think MacGuffin here survives a whole year, over and over, no exceptions?"

"I guess . . . " mumbled Lloyd. "How bad are these terrier-sized predators, then?"

"Psh. Seriously, the piranhas are probably worse than any land predator we've got." Chamille poked a stick into the water and wiggled it. A few piranhas clamped onto it, and she eagerly pulled it out.

"Oooh, look at their eyes!"

"Careful!" warned Lloyd, shying away a little as toothy fish flopped every which way. One of them got stranded on the bank, thrashing helplessly.

"Dumb fish," said Chamille, and tried to scoop it back into the stream. "OW!"

She shook her hand furiously, and the piranha flew off and plopped back into the stream.

"Ungrateful little—" Chamille hissed in pain, pinching the base of her thumb to stem the bloodflow. The Parara Bird tumbled off Lloyd's shoulder with an indignant squawk as he hurried to help.

* * *

The bite wasn't terrible, but it did take a fair chunk of skin off Chamille's thumb. They cleaned it as best they could, and Lloyd bandaged it with a strip of fabric. Chamille was subdued for all of thirty minutes; after that she seemed altogether enchanted by the incident.

"It was so cool!" she insisted, clambering over a fallen tree. "I could feel all its little teeth slicing right into me!"

"Lovely," said Lloyd, smiling resignedly. Chamille surveyed her bandaged thumb with approval.

"Wait till I tell everyone at school. I'll be the talk of the entire class."

Lloyd said nothing. He'd forgetten that most kids around his age were still in school.

"I guess you get to spend all your time learning how to ninja, huh?" said Chamille, seemingly thinking along the same lines. "Sounds fun. Do you think you'd wanna trade it for sitting around listening to someone droning boring lessons all day?"

"It wouldn't exactly be a _trade_." Lloyd smiled a little. "We do have to listen to a lot of lessons. And training is the same stuff over and over, and it's exhausting."

"Huh. Sounds like PE." Chamille stuck her hands in her pockets. "We have more in common than I thought." She eyed the Parara Bird. "MacGuffin's not looking so good. You think she's hungry?"

They coaxed the bird with jungle fruit, which Chamille said were its primary diet. It only nibbled half-heartedly, its wings drooping at its sides. The teenagers exchanged anxious glances. The little critter must be fading fast. They didn't have much time.

Luckily MacGuffin was able to keep peeping to direct them. As it grew dark, the bird began to grow animated again, craning its neck forward and flapping its good wing feebly.

"We must be getting close," said Lloyd.

Soon they stepped out into a clearing.

"Yikes," said Chamille, backing up a step. There was a large rock in the middle of the clearing, and the ground around it was littered with tiny bird skeletons. "This . . . looks like the place all right."

They carefully set the weary-looking Macguffin atop this rock, then set to work gathering leaves and dried plants for nesting material. Chamille was initially a bit squeamish about picking her way through the bird graveyard, but she soon got to handling it very well.

"Dumb bird," she said reproachfully, plunking down another armful of leaves. "Next year you can build your own nest."

MacGuffin chirped shrilly and wove some more sticks together.

Eventually the teenagers decided MacGuffin had enough nesting material, so they sat down at the edge of the clearing to watch as it completed its nest. The jungle night was warm and surprisingly non-creepy; there were some distant cries and chirrups, but it sounded more like peaceful forest activity than like Machiavellian butchery.

"Should one of us stay up to keep watch?" asked Lloyd, leaning back against a tree.

"Nahhhh." Chamille yawned. "Worst that could happen is you wake up to a terrier-sized predator gnawing on your foot."

She settled back next to Lloyd, watching as MacGuffin turned around and around, tucking in more and more leaves and twigs. Moonlight flickered through the leaves overhead.

"Mosquitos seem to be tapering off," Chamille mumbled, and fell asleep. Lloyd sat next to her for a while, listening to her quiet breath mixed in with the sounds of the jungle.

* * *

The next morning he awoke first. He checked the rock and found MacGuffin lying next to it, lifeless. A small cream-colored egg perched inside the nest. Wincing, Lloyd scooped up the bird, hoping to bury it before Chamille woke up.

No such luck; she was already awake. She appeared at Lloyd's side and studied the bird soberly.

"I guess we just barely made it," said Lloyd awkwardly.

"Poor MacGuffy," Chamille murmured, stroking the bird's raggedy crest of feathers. "We should bury her."

They dug a shallow grave with some rocks and made a small heap of them to mark it.

"Do you think we should take some feathers?" said Chamille. "They're worth bank."

"I dunno, it kinda feels wrong . . . "

"I guess." Chamille tilted her head reflectively. "I think in the movies they'd usually leave the feathers on. We could go with that."

In the end they did gather up the feathers MacGuffin had shed while building her nest, splitting them carefully between themselves.

"You think the egg will be okay on its own?" said Chamille.

"Sure. It is every year, right?" said Lloyd.

"I wonder how the baby bird feeds itself," murmured Chamille as they headed away into the forest. "Maybe we should come back and check in a few days."

"I dunno. We probably shouldn't risk giving away the rock's location by visiting it a lot."

"True. Cool, now we have a secret!" Chamille looked around. "Say. Speaking of locations, how are we gonna get back home?"

"Well, we _do_ have elemental dragons," said Lloyd.

"Oh, so now you bring those up." Chamille grinned. "I was waiting to see how long until you mentioned them."

"I was waiting to see how long until _you_ mentioned them."

"Well, you mentioned them first. So I win!"

"I didn't know this was a contest!" Lloyd called after her as she summoned her dragon and darted into the treetops in a flash of sparkling purple. Shaking his head, he pulled out his radio to let the others know they'd be returning to base camp soon. Then he called up his own dragon and followed Chamille up into the sunshine above the trees.

* * *

 **A/N: And now they're trying to give Lloyd a canon girlfriend, too. Yeesh. I guess they figured they'd better settle him down before things got any further out of hand—besides Chamille he's shipped with dozens of different OC's across the fandom. Everyone always says Kai is the womanizer, but he's got nothing on Lloyd. That kid is like freakin' Lou Bega.**

 **Anyways! The next update should come much sooner. I'm already almost done with it.**


	18. QUADRUPLE FLUFF SUNDAE

**And allllllllllmost kinda sorta posting this sundae on an actual Sunday!**

 **So many fluff requests. :3 I figured I'd put them all together in one gigantic conglomeration of fluffiness! One-stop fluff shopping!**

 **There are requests for Fire Oreo, Jens, knAngel18, and LiaLia15, in that order. Skip to your preferred one, read 'em all in order, read 'em in reverse order, read 'em actually in reverse** — **all good! Although I'm not sure how much sense it would make in reverse. XD**

 **Anyways. Enjoy! ^_^**

* * *

 **TheAmberShadow: You're welcome! Glad you liked it. Ech, sorry; was that one too much?**

 **Jens: Thank you! And also thank you sooooo much for the reviews on the ink machine story. ^_^  
Honestly, I'm not a huge fan of shipping Lloyd with anyone either; Chamille was mostly fun as a "joke" pairing. ^_^'' I'd agree he's too smol and innocent to have much potential for serious romance . . . **

**Fire Oreo: Thank you also for all the ink machine reviews! Glad you and Jens had fun. ^_^**

 **KillerWhale: You have more experience than I do, then; I have friends in relationships, but I leave 'em alone. They'd outwit me anyway. XD  
Lou Bega is a musical artist! He sang "Mambo No. 5," a song about having lots of girlfriends. :P  
Thank you! :)**

 **Zaptrap: Oh man, that wasn't my intent! What were your guesses, then? :)**

* * *

 **Fluff One!**

 **Fire Oreo: sth really fluffy with Zane and Cole not long after Zane's return would be perfect! ~**

 _Notes: This one is set a little bit into the future of FMW, actually! On the day_ after _they all fall asleep in the living room. :P I tried to think of something Cole and Zane could relate over, and then this!  
_

* * *

They were all tired after a full day of training. Nya was working on the smartphone code, while Jay, Kai, and Lloyd were buzzing around getting ready for their evening mission. Cole was cooking dinner.

"Do you need some help?" Zane poked his head into the kitchen.

"Nah, thanks Frosty. It's all sitting around cooking right now," said Cole, looking up from the kitchen table. He gestured at the stovetop, where a pot was bubbling merrily away. Zane eyed it with trepidation.

"You don't have to make that face," said Cole, his attention already returned to something he was working on. "I know what I'm doing. I made one of my best recipes, Lumberjack Stew. Trust me, it was a hit back at the lumberjack camp."

Zane sniffed the air surreptitiously, trying not to look skeptical. He decided not to ask whether this "hit" had been literal and aimed at the cook.

"So you've given up destroying villages?" he said, sitting down opposite Cole. "Or do I need to push you off a cliff again?"

"Ohh, that's right, rub it in." Cole looked up amusedly. "Who taught you that?"

"Lloyd."

"I thought so. That kid is the worst influence."

Zane shrugged and looked around at the paper and inkwells strewn on the kitchen table.

"What are you writing?"

"I'm not writing," grinned Cole. "What do you think of this?"

Zane took the sheet of paper Cole handed to him. His eyebrows twitched up.

"You draw?"

"A little bit," said Cole. "What d'ya think? Any good?"

"I . . . don't know if I'm in a position to comment," said Zane.

"Ohhh, evasion. That's a bad sign." Cole gave him a mock-hurt look.

"No, I am being honest. I have no aesthetic judgment," said Zane. "I just barely learned to draw imaginary things recently. I . . . am more computer than feeling human being, where art is concerned."

"Dude. That's just depressing."

Zane shrugged awkwardly, shuffling his feet. He shifted as if planning to get up.

"Can I see?" said Cole.

"See what?"

"How you draw." Cole pushed an inkwell across the tabletop, his expression coaxing. "You don't have anywhere you need to be, right?"

"Well, no, but . . . "

"Jay and Nya said you'd learned cartooning and could do perfect copies and everything. That photograph you drew was amazing, I want to see how you do it. Who knows, maybe I could learn some tricks from you."

Zane hesitated, but at last picked up a brush and gave Cole a small smile.

"What should I draw?"

"Uhh . . . I know, me! And I'll draw you."

Zane nodded and began to make neat, straight brush strokes. At first he was a little thrown by the uneven lines left by an ink brush, but soon he found he rather liked the effect. It made the finished product look much less like a computer printout.

"How is this?" he said at last, holding it up.

"Ohhhh, cool!" Cole grinned. "How about mine?"

Zane tilted his head, puzzled. Cole had made a quick sketch of Zane and added cat ears, whiskers, and a tail.

"No?" said Cole, as Zane continued to study the drawing silently.

"I . . . don't understand," said Zane.

"What, the cat ears? That was just for a joke," said Cole. "Geez, don't look at me like that."

He sighed. Over time they'd all learned how to deal with Zane. His feelings were fairly easy to hurt, but he'd never say anything about it; he'd just go quiet. If you were alert you might catch a flash of the "but . . . but I trusted you . . . " expression. He was honestly no fun, but it was something the others were willing to put up with.

"Heyyy. Seriously." Cole pushed Zane's own drawing across the table. "Lighten up. You can draw ears on me and then we'll be even. I won't mind."

"Cat ears?"

"I dunno, I don't think I'm much like a cat. Pick an animal."

"How?"

Cole sighed.

"Nevermind, we'll work on that. Just go with bunny ears for now."

Zane squinted at his drawing, trying to figure out how to add ears to an already finished piece. At last he started to make hesitant strokes with the brush.

"The results will not be ideal," he warned.

"They're not supposed t'be."

Zane finally finished and turned his picture around so Cole could see it. The earth ninja chuckled.

"Nice. I'll be keeping this one." He took the picture and set it up next to him.

"I still don't understand," said Zane. "What is the purpose of creating human-animal hybrids? It makes no sense."

"And people tell me I'm too serious . . . " Cole shook his head. "It's just for fun. Yeah there's no point, yeah it's silly, but it's not much use being friends if you can't be silly now and then." He waved a hand ruefully. "But hey, nevermind; you don't have to if you don't want to."

"No." Zane picked up the brush. "If it's fun, I want to try it."

"Well, okay." Heartened, Cole settled down more comfortably and dug out some blank paper. "Okay. So let's start with Kai. He's a very visible target. What kind of animal reminds you of Kai?"

"There are . . . no animals whose biological and behavioral traits are identical to that of any human, Kai included."

"No, no, geez. Uhm. Can you just pick out the most _important_ things about the animal? Like, you know. Shark. Big teeth. Scary. Has that fin that always sticks up. So if there was a guy who always grinned with a lot of teeth, you could draw him as a shark. See?"

Zane swung his heels, clearly still a little overwhelmed as he sifted through the detailed zoological encyclopedia he doubtless stored in his head. Cole waited patiently. Eventually he started to notice the Nindroid was getting frustrated again, so he cleared his throat lightly.

"Need a hin—"

"A lizard," said Zane at the same instant.

"Uh, what?"

"A frilled one," said Zane hesitantly. " _Chlamydosaurus kingii_. The big ones that snap open their neck frills to threaten predators." He fiddled the brush between his fingers. "Is that good?"

"Excellent." Cole grinned. "Now we can figure out how to mix this with Kai. Start with just the lizard."

"And . . . make it red?" ventured Zane.

"Exactly. And with Kai's hair." Cole hid a grin.

"I think I can do that!" said Zane. "Let me get some colored pencils."

"Great! And while we're at it, how do you do perspective? I've never been able to get the hang of it."

o.o.o.o.o

A good while later the room was still sizzling with artistic fervor.

"The best thing is to shade with opposing colors," Zane was explaining, laying out pencils in pairs. "Intuitively you might think warm light creates warm shadows, but this is not artistically ideal—"

"Hey, whatcha guys doing in here?" asked Kai, wandering into the room.

"Agh! Hide the drawings!" yelped Cole, trying to stuff all the pictures into one pile and lean over them.

"Ohh, what's this then?" Kai put his hands on his hips.

"Hide themmmm," said Cole, attempting to stuff artwork into the sugar bowl. Zane was neatly stacking pictures face-down, smiling a little. Somewhere along the line he had apparently learned that illogical overreaction was usually meant to be a joke.

"Now I really need to see them!" Kai darted to the table and managed to fish out a slightly-crumpled drawing, in particular the one of a Jay-raccoon hybrid. He snorted.

"Great. I bet there's one of me somewhere in here. Let's see it."

"Nooooo!" Cole got busily to work keeping the drawing out of Kai's clutches. Attracted by the noise, Lloyd poked his head in.

"What's going on?" He picked up a few fluttering pieces of paper. "Woah. Zane, did you draw these?"

"Some of them," said the Nindroid shyly.

"Let me see!" Lloyd started to gather up everything that Kai and Cole weren't currently fighting for. "These are so cool!" He gave an irritated snort when he ran across a happy chipmunk in a green gi. "Oh, please. Who drew this one?"

"I did." Zane smiled innocently and caught the inkwell before Kai's elbow could overturn it. "But it was Cole's idea."

"I thought so," grumbled Lloyd, putting the picture aside. "He's the _worst_ influence."

Zane glance between Cole and Lloyd, eyebrows raised, and stifled a smile.

"Hey, I smell smoke," said Cole suddenly, pushing Kai aside. He peered at the oven. "Gah!"

The pot of Lumberjack Stew had long since boiled over, and what was left inside was burned into black sludge.

"Ohhhh, this is just ducky!" groaned Cole, trying to save some of the hot dogs and pickles. "Fan-tastic!"

"Phew," said Kai. "We're saved."

"Shut up!"

Zane went over to help Cole salvage what he could of the stew. They managed to scoop out a bowl full of slightly-burned ingredients.

"I guess it's TV dinners tonight," sighed Cole, looking hopelessly at the mishmash. Zane hesitated, then tasted some of the leftover broth. The charring actually did it some favors; a little soy sauce and the whole thing would taste pretty decent. Patting Cole on the shoulder, he went to fetch a baking dish.

"Cheer up. We can probably rework this into a casserole."

* * *

 **Fluff Two!**

 **Jens: Um... What I really would like as a request, is that you develop something fluffy for me. With all the Ninja, you know, more goofing around and all.**

 _Notes: More ninja, more fluff! This one's set within the show, a little after Day of the Departed. It's during a time when the ninja are unpacking boxes in the Temple of Airjitzu, but the shenanigans of Hands of Time haven't started yet . . . which is a time I think never actually existed in the show . . . but oh well.  
Also, run out of fluff? *tilts head* That's a thing that can happen?  
_

* * *

The ninja were moving into the Temple of Airjitzu, dragging in boxes and furniture, arguing about who would get which room. Jay was sneezing every 6.2 seconds (Zane kept a very accurate moving average).

"Maybe we should quit moving in boxes and dust the place first," said Nya.

"But where are the feather dusters?" said Lloyd. "Packed into one of these boxes?"

"No, I put them in a special cleaning kit," said Zane, dragging in a large plastic-rubber basket. "I thought we would need this."

"Zane, you're a genius."

"I try."

The dusting proved to be a more dramatic endeavor. Jay tied a duster to the longest pole he could find and did his best not to knock down the foyer lamp. Cole balanced Lloyd on his shoulders so he could reach the top of the kitchen shelves.

"Hey guys, I got soap and paper towel," said Kai, returning from an errand run.

"Oooh, whatcha got there?" Nya leaned over a stair railing to peer at the frost-coated plastic cup Kai was carrying.

"Ah, frozen coffee. I stopped by a coffee place on the way back."

"Cool, gimme some!" Nya grabbed the straw without waiting for permission and took a few draws.

"I paid for this coffee, I should charge you per sip," said Kai. "Hey. Come on, give it back. You said some, not all."

"'s good," said Nya, finally surrendering the straw. "Thannnnk you~"

"Yeah, sure." Kai gave her a mock-grudging look.

"None for me?" said Jay hopefully.

"Geez, no. I've gotta draw the line _somewhere_."

Jay huffed and tried to jab him with the end of his duster pole, nearly taking out the second-story window.

They moved on to scrubbing the floors and windows, and in some cases even the doors and walls. Cole busied himself washing the floor in what would soon be the laundry room.

"Are you planning to carry on this racket all day?"

"Agh!" Cole jumped to his feet. Then he glared at the ghostly Sensei Yang, who was floating at the other end of the room.

"Not funny."

"It certainly is not," grumbled Yang. "I should kick you all out."

Cole groaned. He'd been startled to discover Sensei Yang hiding in a grandfather clock only that morning, and admittedly not too happy. Turned out the old ghost really was going to be here forever, and he didn't take too kindly to a bunch of ninja clattering around his temple. Especially since only Cole could see him.

"I told you, Master Yang, we got this property fair and square from Patty Keys," said Cole, going back to washing the floor. "I'm sorry we moved in without asking, but we didn't know you'd be here. Besides, you wouldn't want to live all alone in this giant temple forever, would you?"

"I begin to think I would prefer it to the unholy chaos you all instill here. My students never cut such capers."

"I bet they didn't," muttered Cole.

"Never have I seen such a degenerate bunch!" continued the Sensei, while Cole rolled his eyes and kept scrubbing. "Shouting! Screeching! Running in circles! Carrying on like—" there was a crash from a few rooms over "—absolute heathens! Your Sensei was too soft on you all. If I didn't know better I'd find myself a cat-o-nine-tails and correct his failures."

"Heyyy, hey." Cole looked up. "We talked about this. You're a good guy now. You don't get to hurt the others."

"It would only improve you all. Spare the rod, spoil the student."

"I'm serious, Yang. I'll be watching. If you do _anything_ to hurt my family, you're gonna pay."

"That maudlin bunch of loonies?" Sensei Yang sniffed. "I fail to see why you have any attachment to them."

"Ugh, I forgot," sighed Cole. "Your idea of 'family' involves chaining people in the attic."

"You can't deny it was effective. Kept them around for centuries."

"Ohhhh, heck no," groaned Cole, rubbing his face. "That's not how it works. It's not about just keeping people around."

"But that is the central tenet."

"No!" Cole gave the ghost a weary look. "Listen. If you're going to be hanging around spying on us anyway, pay attention. You need some serious lessons on how a real family works."

Sensei Yang glanced out to the hallway, where Nya and Lloyd were jumping up and down on a sheet of bubble wrap. The ghost gave a dramatically disgusted shudder.

Cole finished up with the floor and decided to start on the windows. He fetched some window cleaner and tried to grab a roll of paper towel from the new pack Kai had brought. It was up on a high shelf in the laundry room, and Cole couldn't quite reach.

Sensei Yang watched disdainfully for a while, perched on the new dryer. Abruptly he poofed out through the back wall and reappeared through the other, up on the high shelf.

"Oh, hey—" said Cole hopefully. Yang peered down at him, then very deliberately moved the pack of paper towels a bit farther away.

"Are you _serious?_ " Cole strained harder, bracing his other hand on the edge of the shelf. The old wood gave out under his weight, and half of the shelf came crashing down, spilling bottles of soap and boxes of dryer balls. The paper towel fell conveniently on Cole's head.

"What's going on?!" Jay appeared in the door, looking mildly panicked. "What happened?!"

"Nothing, Jay. I just pulled the shelf down," sighed Cole, sitting up.

"Are you sure?" Jay looked around at the mess uneasily. "I still dunno about this temple. Weird things have been happening all day. Things keep going missing—"

"—We're moving in, Jay, the place is a mess. Of course we're misplacing stuff."

"—and I swear stuff falls over when it shouldn't." Jay pulled Cole to his feet. "And now shelves are just breaking off at random!"

"It's not at random. It's a really old shelf."

From his perch on the unbroken section of shelf, Sensei Yang casually pushed a detergent bottle over onto Jay's head.

"Ow!" yelped Jay. He stared up at the shelf, then at Cole. "See, I told you!"

"It was just an aftershock!" said Cole. He fought the urge to glare up at Yang, who was looking very pleased with himself.

Some scraping sounds came from a few rooms over.

"Could someone assist me?" called Zane from the dojo. "I need to move these boxes so I can wash the floor."

"I'll help!" Jay darted for the door. He skidded to a halt, yelping, as another detergent bottle barely missed him. He glanced incredulously over his shoulder at Cole, then disappeared all the faster.

"Would you stop that?" Cole hissed at Yang.

"Fear is for the weak," said Yang, propping his head up on one hand. "I'll drive it out of him yet."

"No, thank you, you won't."

"Tsh. If nothing else, it's amusing watching you scrabble to explain my presence."

Cole groaned.

"I _hate_ you."

"Yes, I got some idea of that when you first came in here trying to murder me."

"I wasn't gonna _murder_ you." Cole snorted. "Though I could have, if I wanted."

"Silence your disrespectful mouth. I am a Master with untold centuries of experience. I can and did beat you into the ground."

"You mean your students did. Like, thirty-something students? All against little old me? Still got defeated?"

"Hmm, yes, and then the old man nearly knocked you senseless single-handedly?"

"Yeah, well—Holy fish." Cole abruptly threw up his hands and walked out. "I'm talking trash with an invisible old guy. Is this what my life's become?"

"It's a step up, and don't you forget it," Yang called after him.

o.o.o.o.o

Cole went to help Zane and Jay shift the heavier boxes. He was pleased to see that Yang soon slipped into the room to watch, even if the Sensei's expression was invariably disapproving. Cole took care to be extra-nice and helpful, even staying to help Zane with the floor.

"Phew," he said, sitting back and wiping his forehead. "You know what we need, we need to tie scrub brushes onto our feet like they do in the cartoons."

"Forget that, I want shoes made of bubble wrap," said Jay.

"Wouldn't those only work for a while, though? Eventually all the bubbles pop."

"A replaceable bubble-wrap insole might work," offered Zane.

"Hmmm, like for the inside of the shoe or the outside? I feel like putting it inside would kind of deaden the noise."

"But you get to feel the bubbles snapping, that's fun."

"Are you three HONESTLY having a conversation about the merits of bubble-wrap shoes?" groaned Yang. "Have you nothing better to fill your empty heads? In my day, the youth talked of war! Bloodshed! Their preferred grim and gory method of death!"

When no one was looking, Cole narrowed his eyes at Yang and shook his head in disbelief.

o.o.o.o.o

The day dragged on. Up until noon they were all in good spirits, building castles out of boxes, chucking handfuls of packing peanuts at each other, and cheerfully helping out even without being asked. By early afternoon, though, they were all starting to feel a little tired. They switched to just working quietly. By the time evening drew on, they were all starting to get legitimately cranky.

"Okay, come on, where's the box cutter?" said Jay. "I put it down for two minutes and somebody snags it."

"It's right behind you," sighed Cole. "And what are you opening more boxes for? We have nowhere to put the stuff we take out of them."

"I _told_ you we should move the shelves in first!"

"I would advise giving him a black eye," offered Sensei Yang, shaking one fist. "Two black eyes. Three if you can manage it."

"Please shut up," whispered Cole wearily. He was starting to feel like a character in a horror movie being influenced by disembodied demonic voices.

Meanwhile Kai stumbled carrying the basket of cleaning equipment, which scattered its contents. Kai picked himself up, muttering between his teeth, and groaned when he saw one of the bottles of floor wash had lost its cap, spilling soap all over the floor.

"Oh, great. Thanks a lot Nya!"

"Don't blame this on me!"

"You're always the one who leaves the caps unscrewed!"

"Well it wasn't me! Jay used it last!"

"Don't throw ME under the bus!"

"Will you all just stop yelling and help me clean up this soap before it damages the floor?"

"It's _floor cleaner_ , genius."

"Just shut up, okay?"

They mopped up the soap in tense silence, Nya and Kai still squabbling muffledly off to one side.

"Are we done yet?" groaned Jay, plunking down on the floor. "I'm exhausted."

"Oh yeah, because you're the one who's been doing all the heavy lifting all day."

"Ohhh right, I forgot, you're the only one who does any work at _all_."

"At least I'm doing something besides working my jaw."

"Okayyyy, I'm gonna—"

"Woah, woah! Okay, we all need to cool off," interrupted Lloyd, holding up his hands. "Let's call it a day. I'll cook dinner."

"How?" said Kai bitterly. "All the pots and pans are still packed up who-knows-where."

"Oh . . . "

"Besides, I doubt you feel like cooking any more than the rest of us do," sighed Nya. "How about we order pizza?"

"Aw, yes!"

Everyone perked up. Cole eagerly dialed their favorite pizza place. He was in the middle of ordering delivery for three extra-large pepperoni pizzas when his eyes suddenly went wide. He stammered for a moment.

"Uhhhh, you know what?" he said at last. "Can I maybe switch that order to carry-out? Yeah, thanks."

He hung up, looking dismayed.

"You guys. We're on a floating island. No delivery."

Groans all around.

"You mean somebody's got to go down and pick the pizzas up?!"

Cole shrugged.

"Not it."

There was a rapid succession of "Not it!"s, with Jay ending up last.

"Awwww, come on!" he groaned.

"Have fun," said Kai sweetly.

"But I'm tiiiiirrrrrrred," complained Jay.

"And if you don't get the pizzas you'll be hungry, too."

"I hate you," grumbled Jay. He grabbed the keys to the Raider Jet and stomped out.

Everyone settled down to wait, flopping on boxes to rest or half-heartedly searching for paper plates. Cole got distracted looking through a box of photo albums.

"You are all utter maroons," said a voice by his ear.

"Gah!" Cole dropped the album he was holding. Then he glared. "Would you quit that?"

"I see the happy fun times are starting to fade," said Yang smugly, perching atop a stack of boxes. "Perhaps this might get entertaining to watch after all. You're taking each other by the throats already."

"No we're not. I never said we were perfect. Sure we get tired. When we get tired we usually fight. Then two hours later we're usually all good again. Or sometimes it takes a few days, or a few _months_ , or nearly killing each other in a tournament, but eventually we always work it out. That's part of being family too."

"Foppery. I prefer the method with blood."

"Okay, you're just trying to weird me out now, aren't you?" said Cole wearily.

Jay was out for longer than seemed reasonable. Finally Nya phoned him up.

"Something up with those pizzas, Jay?"

"Not really," said Jay. "I just figured hey, I came all the way down here myself. Why not eat the pizzas by myself too?"

"Waaaaait, what?!" Kai called into the receiver. "Jay!"

"Serves you right for sending me down here." There was a sound of munching. "Oh, don't worry. These are reallllllly really good, but I couldn't eat all three. You'll get your share. Juuuuuuust be patient. Very patient."

"JAY! Get up here with those pizzas NOW."

"I'll come back when I'm good 'n' ready, and no sooner."

"They're gonna be cold!"

"I'm colder." Jay blew a raspberry into the receiver and hung up.

"Why, that little—" Kai gave an angry growl. Nya shook her head, unsure whether she should be annoyed or amused.

"I have to admit, he got us there," said Lloyd, rubbing his head.

"Well, I don't like this game," said Cole. "I'm starving. Let's fix this guy."

"Yeah!" Kai started digging through one of the half-empty boxes.

"Guys, let it go," said Nya, rolling her eyes.

"Don't let it go!" urged Sensei Yang simultaneously, even though only Cole could hear him. "Cut out his tongue. Cut off his pinky. Nail his ear to the door."

"Would you shut _up?_ " whispered Cole, appalled.

o.o.o.o.o

"You are infinitely disappointing," growled Yang, folding his arms sulkily. "At very least you could give him thirty lashes."

Cole gave him a "fuhgeddaboutit" glare. He and Kai were waiting in the front hall, Kai holding a bucket of water, Cole a box of packing peanuts. Jay still hadn't showed up.

"Man, I'm so hungry," groaned Kai, shifting the bucket to his other hand. "I'm starting to imagine the smell of pizza."

"I'm imagining it too," said Cole glumly. "And Chinese food."

"Yeah, now that you mention it."

"Hey guys." Jay poked his head in from the kitchen. "Aren't you coming?"

"No Jay, we're waiting for—" Kai's head snapped around.

Kai and Cole skidded into the kitchen to find the others sitting on the floor around a set of box tables, already spread with pizza boxes and carry-out containers.

"Were you waiting for someone?" asked Jay sweetly, handing out chopsticks. "Good thing I snuck in through the back door."

"He brought noodles too!" called Lloyd, already munching a slice of pizza. "And he kept the pizzas wrapped up in his jacket to keep them warm and everything."

Kai and Cole looked at each other, then somewhat shame-facedly set aside their implements of war and joined the others. Cole could hear Yang making disappointed sounds in the hallway.

"I figured since I was down in the city anyway, I might as well give Skylor some business," said Jay through a mouthful of noodles. "I was eating a free sample Skylor gave me when you phoned me."

"Skylor was there?" Kai perked up.

"Yeah. She heard you over the phone and everything." Jay snickered.

"Oh no." Kai sank his head into his hands. "Snap. What did I say back there? . . . "

"You don't have much to worry about. She thought it was hilarious."

"Ugh." Kai glared half-heartedly at Jay through his fingers. Jay grinned, then turned back to his noodles and scowled when he saw Cole was stealing them by the chopstickful.

"Paws off my noodles!"

"Mine now," said Cole, pulling the bowl towards himself.

"No. Shoo!" Jay swatted his hand aside and pulled the bowl back protectively.

They were all in much better moods now that they had something to eat, although they were still exhausted. There was much slurred and illogical conversation (it took a full three minutes for Lloyd to remember what garlic sauce was called), and a lot of laughing uproariously at jokes that made no sense at all.

When they finished eating, it was late. Their beds still hadn't been moved in.

"Does anyone feel up to . . . " Nya shook her head at her own question. "No."

Kai held up some curtains they had unpacked.

"Tell you what . . . "

It took a while to find enough things to tie all the hammocks to, but they made it work. Even in a new place with less-than-ideal sleeping conditions, they all drifted off very quickly.

It felt like Cole had just fallen asleep when something woke him. He sat up and saw a blue-clad figure rummaging quietly in a box.

"Jayyyy, what are you doing?" he groaned, rubbing one eye.

"I was looking for a weapon," said Jay. "There's someone in the attic."

"Wh-what?"

"I can hear them walking around! Listen!"

Cole was silent. From far overhead, he did hear a soft, repetitive sound. He frowned, hoping Sensei Yang wasn't trying to pull something.

"Let's go check," he said, rolling out of the hammock.

Softly they crept up the stairs. The sound turned out to be a sort of steady tapping, and it was definitely coming from the attic.

"I knew this place was still haunted, I knew it!" fretted Jay. "Ghosts are always tapping! Nobody knows why! They just DO!"

Cole rolled his eyes a little at the thought of Sensei Yang just sitting there tapping for no reason. Definitely not his style.

"C'mon, let's have a look. As a former ghost, I promise you I can take the creep on."

They carefully pushed up the trapdoor, breaths held, and looked around.

 _Tap. Tap. Tap._

A steady train of droplets was plinking through a crack in the ceiling, shattering noisily on the floor.

"O-oh." Jay shrank, reddening. Cole sighed wearily, but said nothing.

They mopped up the water and put a plastic bin under the leak. Jay seemed grateful about not being given a hard time.

As they went downstairs, they ran into Nya.

"Whatcha guys up for?" she yawned.

"The attic roof was leaking. We've got it under control."

"Oh." Nya tousled back her hair. Then she looked at Cole. "Wait, it's raining?"

"Uh, yeah?"

"Oh gosh, this is your first rain after turning back human! You have to go out in it!"

"Ah, come on, no. I wanna go back to sleep."

"No, she's right, you have to!"

"I took a shower yesterday, I know what water feels like."

"No arguments!"

"Guyyyyys . . . " Cole laughed as Jay and Nya took him by a hand each and began to pull him towards the door. "Okay, okay."

They all shivered as they stepped out into the front yard and were instantly pelted with cold drops.

"How's that?" asked Jay, teeth chattering.

"I'm cold and I'm wet," said Cole.

"Exactly! Enjoy it!"

Cole smiled in spite of himself, shaking his hair back and tilting his face to the sky. He wouldn't go so far as to say it actually felt _nice_ , but it was definitely good to experience this again.

After they had all had their fill of standing around in the rainy dark, they went back inside.

"Now I'm _really_ sleepy," yawned Jay, heading for the hammocks.

"Hey, we can't sleep in wet clothes."

Jay blinked woozily, then looked down at his dripping ninja gi.

"Aw, snap."

They started to dig through some boxes for dry clothes, Jay grumbling drowsily all throughout. Cole looked up just in time to see Sensei Yang pushing at a box. Before Cole could even yell "no!" (which would have ended badly anyway) the box had tumbled onto Jay's head, bursting open. Cole froze, waiting for Jay to freak out over ghosts again.

"Oh hey." Jay yawned. "Our pajamas."

o.o.o.o.o

They happily changed into the more welcoming texture of their PJ's and went back to their hammocks. Cole rolled over comfortably, just drifting off, then stiffened. Sensei Yang was busily trying to untie one end of Jay's hammock. Cole glared at him ferociously and made "you cut that out!" gestures.

All of a sudden Jay sat up. Yang jumped back, and Cole immediately fell still, hoping Jay hadn't seen him. Apparently not, because the lightning master turned to him with an earnest expression.

"You know, I've decided something," he whispered.

"Uh, yeah?"

"Even if this place really is haunted, maybe we don't have anything to worry about," said Jay. "I mean, you were a ghost, and you were okay. Maybe the ghost here could be nice too."

"There isn't a ghost, Jay," said Cole wearily. After a moment he smiled. "But you know what? Even if there was a ghost, and even if he _was_ evil, I don't think he'd want to hurt us. I think he'd see we're nice people and get to like us."

"You think?" said Jay. "Evil ghosts can do that?"

"Sure. I mean, we're pretty cool." Cole snuck a sly glance at Yang. "Any ghost that didn't like us would have to be the most mean, ornery, nasty, heartless, psychopathic ghost ever. Just the worst."

"Even with me around?" said Jay hesitantly.

"Especially since you're around."

Cole settled back in his hammock, grinning at Jay's "oh" of barely stifled elation. He heard the blue ninja snuggling happily down in his hammock again. Soon enough Yang's head popped up in Cole's field of vision, scowling. Cole grinned harder.

"I despise you, boy," growled the ghostly Sensei.

"Yeah, I got some idea of that when you first tried to murder me."

"And I was definitely going to murder you. I could have and wanted to."

"I know." Cole tucked his hands behind his head.

"And if you bring up 'family' one more time, I may just carry through with it. You all make me sick."

"Oh, trust me," said Cole, yawning. "You'll get to love it."

"Absolutely not. You're despicable. Unbearable. Utterly intolerable. Inconceivable—"

Cole groaned and shut his eyes, trying to block out the Sensei's continued ranting.

o.o.o.o.o

The next morning, they all awoke a little stiff, but refreshed and ready to keep unpacking.

"Aw man, we don't have anything for breakfast," sighed Jay.

"I know we had a canister of oatmeal around here somewhere," said Nya, digging into the nearest box. Everyone started searching.

Cole started as Sensei Yang popped through the side of a box. Yang adjusted his hat and made a show of sniffing contemptously.

"It's in the second box from the top."

Cole checked nobody was in sight or earshot, then grinned.

"Awesome, thanks!"

"If only to keep you all from making an infernal racket at this early hour," grumbled Yang.

"Sure, sure. You know, you're welcome to join us for a nice _family_ breakfast."

"A thousand times, no." Yang shuddered and puffed out through the nearest wall. Grinning, Cole headed for the box Yang had indicated. It would definitely take a while, but he had a feeling the ancient Sensei would warm up to them yet.

* * *

 **Fluff Three!**

 **knAngel18: I have been DYING for more Lloyd/ Kai brotherly moments! Or Lloyd brotherly moments with any of the team, really!**

 _Notes: Never enough Lloyd fluff. During Season 5, right after "Grave Danger," as requested! Lots to work with in that particular stretch of time. ^_^_

* * *

Lloyd woke up panting, staring wide-eyed at the dark ceiling. Where was he? What time was it?!

The first thing he realized was that he was in his own body and his own mind. For the first time in days, there were no hateful ghostly thoughts in his head or whispers in his ear. He was sore and weak and bruised, but he'd take that over a healthy possessed body any day.

He was far from at peace, though. He knew if he lay here in the dark he'd start thinking about things he'd definitely rather not, so instead he rolled out of bed, grabbed his blanket, and limped off down the hall. It'd be nice and cool on the deck.

As he padded past the living room, though, there was a soft "hey." He looked in to find Kai plunked on the couch, watching TV with the volume way down low.

"What are you doing up?" he whispered. "You're supposed to be resting!"

"I'm rested," said Lloyd. "Why are _you_ up?"

"Ahh." Kai shrugged and grew particularly interested in the TV. Lloyd tilted his head, wondering what was going on.

"Are you going out or something?" said Kai, looking at the blanket Lloyd had draped over his shoulders.

"I was heading for the deck, yeah."

"Ah." Kai glanced at the TV again. "There's a pretty okay show on."

"Late-night talk show?" Lloyd wrinkled his nose.

"Well, there's an okay show on _somewhere_ ," said Kai. "And it's freezing outside anyway."

". . . Are you trying to get me to stay?"

Kai sighed, rolling his eyes.

"So sue me. What am I supposed to say, 'we all spent the last few days worrying about you and now I could use some proof you're okay and not—'" He blinked as a warm blanket-wrapped form materialized next to him. "Well okayyy then. Next time I'll lead with that."

Lloyd settled in, bundling himself more tightly in the blanket. He avoided looking at Kai—he'd never been good at reacting to people worrying about him. He'd spent so many years getting shunted out and left behind that being cared for felt a little unnatural. Like it shouldn't be happening.

He knew he was incredibly grateful, though. He'd been a little scared the sins of the possessor would be visited on the possessed—that maybe the others wouldn't want him back after everything Morro had used him to do. He would eat sandpaper before ever saying he didn't trust his teammates, but he wondered if they would treat him differently now. If they would see in him the monster who lied and stole and jeered and tried over and over to take their lives.

Kai was flicking through channels, not really paying attention. Either that or he'd suddenly developed a taste for infomercials. Lloyd squirmed, wondering why he was so quiet.

"What am I gonna tell Cole?" said Lloyd finally.

"About what?"

"Well, it's . . . it's my fault he's a ghost now," said Lloyd, looking down and fiddling with one corner of the blanket. "I don't know how I can ever make that up to him."

"Oh." Kai was quiet for a bit. "I don't think Cole sees it that way. He's not mad at you."

"Maybe he should be."

"Ohhhh, come on. If it's anybody's fault it's Sensei Yang's. And Morro's. It's not like you wanted to do any of that stuff you did—that was all him."

"But I _let_ him," said Lloyd, wrapping the blanket tighter still. "I couldn't break his possession. I pretty much just watched and let him hurt you all."

"You saw everything he was doing?" said Kai, his eyebrows twitching back in sympathy.

"Uh huh." Lloyd sank deeper into his blanket nest. Kai hesitated. Lloyd had insisted over and over to everyone that he was okay and not too badly shook up mentally, but privately Kai had his doubts. He wasn't exactly sitting here watching TV at 2 AM because he'd had a nice peaceful sleep, and he wasn't even the one who'd been possessed.

"You sure you're okay?" he said at last.

"Yeah." Lloyd's voice was small. "Just . . . really sorry."

"No, don't be. It seriously wasn't your fault."

"I dunno . . . " Lloyd looked away. "I just . . . I screwed up. And Morro might have been controlling me, but I still feel like it was _me_ doing all that horrible stuff. I feel like I ought to apologize."

Kai said nothing. Lloyd shut his eyes.

"Sooooo . . . I'm sorry you went to all that trouble and got into so much danger because of me."

"'s fine." Kai sighed resignedly.

"And for attacking you at the tea shop—"

"In the past."

"—Nearly throwing you off the _Bounty_ —"

"Eh, forget about it."

"—Um, luring you out onto that broken dock—"

"Over that."

"—Trying to wipe you off the Wailing Alps—"

"And now I'll never forgive you."

Lloyd was about to continue, but then he registered and his eyes snapped open. Kai grinned and socked his arm gently.

"Would you _stop?_ "

"I'm serious, Kai."

"Ughhh. I know." Kai flopped back. He looked soberly into the distance for a moment. "If anyone should be sorry it's me. I promised I'd look after you. _Same, freaking, day_ , you get possessed by a psycho ghost and dragged to the Underworld and back. Talk about screwing up."

"No, don't say that. You couldn't have known the museum mission was dangerous."

"I should have."

"You _couldn't_ have."

"This is starting to sound like a familiar tune," said Kai drily.

Lloyd huffed.

"Look, can I just get this off my chest?"

"Okay." Kai sighed again. "If it'll make you feel better, go ahead. But can I apologize too, then?"

"I guess that's fair." Lloyd kicked his heels against the sofa, biting his lip. "Umm . . . I'm sorry I nearly killed you on that boat on the Wailing Alps . . . "

"Along those lines, sorry about sending you off that cliff. Looking back I wasn't too sure about the landing."

"It was fine. Airjitzu, you know? Didn't end so well for the boat, though." Lloyd smiled weakly. "Umm . . . I'm sorry I sent Ronin to steal the Sword of Sanctuary."

"Sorry I pushed you into that rice paddy the other day."

"That was before all of this." Lloyd looked up, his train of thought broken.

"So? We might as well be thorough. You don't want to apologize for stuff that happened before Morro?" Kai raised his eyebrows in a poor imitation of innocence. Lloyd hesitated, then cautiously took the bait.

"Well, I was kind of hoping to get at least a _little_ time for sleep. This week."

"Ohh, a wise guy, huh?" Kai folded his arms. "Too bad for you. You're getting all the apologies. Suck it up."

"Fiiiiiine." Lloyd narrowed his eyes. Relief had turned his insides to slush, but he flattered himself that he did a good job hiding it. They were joking just like before. They were okay. Kai didn't see him as a former monster.

"Okay then." He settled back, his expression resolute. "I'm sorry for that time I knocked your dessert onto the floor on purpose."

"Dude. You were a _kid_ then."

"There's no rule saying I have to start in the present and work straight backwards, is there?"

"Fair enough. Sorry I assumed there was."

"Sorry for that time I beat your _Fist to Face_ score. I mean, the first time."

"Uhhh, what's that supposed to—"

"And sorry about the second time, too."

"I don't like where this is—"

"And the third time."

"Okay, that's—"

"Annnnnnd the fourth time." Lloyd was struggling to keep at least a slightly straight face. "And the fifth. And the sixth. And extra-sorry about the seventh. And the eighth. And the ninth. And—"

"STOP." Kai clubbed him with a sofa pillow. "Worst. Apology. Ever."

"Does that mean I win?"

"No!" Kai hit him again. "Give me a minute. I'll think of a worse one."

"Okay. I could use an apology for that vanilla pudding prank."

"Forget it, I'm _so_ not sorry for that one. Never."

Lloyd attempted to wrench the sofa pillow away from Kai, who yanked it away protectively.

"No. It's mine."

"Gimme that!" Lloyd tried to reach across Kai to grab the pillow, which only gave Kai an opportunity to push him off the sofa and pin him to the floor.

"Hey!"

"Shush, you. I need something to be sorry for."

"That's funny, so do I!"

They scuffled briefly, trying not to make enough noise to wake anyone else on the ship.

"That does it!" Lloyd finally managed to bag Kai in the blanket and tangle him up badly enough to stop him struggling. "It's all my fault, and I'm not letting you go till you say so."

"Fine! You're the absolute worst. Totally unforgiveable."

"That's more like it."

Kai pushed him off, and for a while they lay on the floor, catching their breaths and laughing muffledly.

"Well." Kai started untangling himself from the blanket. "You've clearly got your strength back. By tomorrow you'll be back in action again."

"Argh." Lloyd covered his face, laughing tiredly. "Great, now what do I do? I really do need to apologize to Cole tomorrow, for real, and now I'll never be able to do it with a straight face."

"I'll pass, straight-faced or not."

Kai and Lloyd both jolted upright, startled. Cole was draped over the back of the sofa, glowing faintly green in the dark.

"How long have you been there?" said Kai reproachfully.

"Long enough that if I hear one more apology I'm gonna be sick."

"Why're you up?"

"Nightmare. And it's hard to sleep with transparent eyelids." Cole tumbled over the sofa and plunked down with the other two ninja, wobbling slightly when one leg phased right through the floor.

Lloyd had gone sober. He looked Cole over quietly, still adjusting to the sight of his friend semi-transparent. Cole had also been making a lot of firm claims that afternoon, pointing out all the cool things he got to do now that he was a ghost. But nobody was about to believe he wasn't still shook-up over it.

"Look, but seriously, Cole," said Lloyd quietly. "I—"

"No! Don't you dare!" Cole attempted to clamp a hand over Lloyd's mouth. Instead he ended up sticking his arm past the wrist into Lloyd's head. Both their eyes went wide, and Cole yanked his hand back like he'd been burned.

"Oh shoot, I'm s—"

"Don't say it!" yelped Kai and Lloyd at the same moment, and started to laugh. Cole looked confused for only a second before joining in. In between Lloyd caught the briefest flash of familiar relief in his eyes. Relief they didn't see him as a monster.

"All right, that's enough." Kai draped the blanket over his head, chuckling, and fished for the remote. "No more apologies. I say we find a romcom or a documentary about sea sponges and see if it'll put us to sleep."

"Heyyyyy, I was watching that!" protested Cole.

"An infomercial?"

"It was about cake!"

Kai flicked back the channel and rolled his eyes when he saw the commercial was indeed pitching a glorified cupcake pan.

"You're too much, Cole."

"Come on, you have to admit that looks amazing."

"You know infomercial products never work. And I mean, pre-sliced cake? Who even needs that?"

"I wasn't talking about the gadget!"

"You were talking about the cake. Of course."

Lloyd chuckled softly as the other two began to squabble about changing the channel. He clambered up on the sofa and pulled his blanket from the floor, wrapping himself up in it. Gradually the flicker of changing channels lulled him back to sleep.

* * *

 **Fluff Four!**

 **LiaLia15: If you could do absolutely any one-shot with Kai and Nya fluff/siblingness/whatever you call it, that'd be great XD**

 _Notes: Takes place before and during the show's events. I'm betting Hands of Time and Season 8 will screw up a lot of this by revealing that Kai and Nya's parents are actually alive and have been hiding in a woodpecker hole all these years or something, but TOO BAD. XP_

* * *

When Kai was about four, his parents took him and tiny toddler Nya to the seaside. There were high stony cliffs on the southwestern shores of Ninjago, interspersed with little spits and bars of sand. Here and there even some dunes.

A path wound through these dunes, which shielded the ocean from view. Kai stayed close to his mother's side while his father carried Nya.

"What's that noise?" asked the four-year-old, eyes wide.

"That's the ocean, Kai. More water than you've ever seen before."

Kai drifted forward, tugging on his mother's hand with his eyes fixed ahead.

"Are we gonna go see? Can I see?"

"Go ahead. Don't go into the water till we get there, okay?"

Kai let go and darted ahead, following the twisting path. Sand splashed up around his feet as he wove between dunes. Finally he burst out onto the open beach.

The sand was coated in a roiling mass of seagulls. Kai's sudden appearance startled them, and all at once they took off in a rising thunder of wings, white feathers flashing in the sunlight, drowning out the thunder of the waves with their cackling. Kai stood tranfixed, slightly horrified by the chaos he'd triggered, but mostly awed. His father chuckled, catching up to him.

"You scared them, Kai. Their wings look pretty, don't they?"

"There's so many . . . " murmured the four-year-old, watching the white cloud drifting away and settling like dust on the water's surface.

o.o.o.o.o

When Kai was six, he wished Nya didn't have to come along this year. She was now four, perfectly adept at walking and talking, and she used both these talents to his disadvantage.

"Kai, waaaaaait!" she wailed, trotting after her older brother as fast as she could. "I can't go that fast!"

Kai rolled his eyes, glancing back for only a moment. Over time he'd realized that having a little sister was a pain. She followed him EVERYWHERE. She wanted to do everything he did. He couldn't play with his friends or go out on adventures without her getting in the way, mucking stuff up, slowing him down, crying if he got impatient with her. Then for good measure he always got in trouble for not being nice enough to her.

Ignoring Nya's continuing wails of "waaaaaaait!", Kai picked up speed and skidded down the path between the dunes. He leaped out onto the beach and yelled, throwing his arms into the air. The seagulls burst into a magnificent white cloud again, just like they had last year and the year before. By the time Nya came stumbling in, flushed and panting, the cloud of gulls had already drifted out over the water.

"Kai," scolded his mother. "It's not nice to leave your sister behind. You made her miss the seagulls."

Kai folded his arms, meanly pleased. As far as he was concerned it served her right.

o.o.o.o.o

When Kai was eleven, Nya kept up. To be honest he had to push pretty hard to keep up with _her_. They raced ahead of their parents, stumbling and jostling each other, trying to come out ahead. They finally burst out onto the shore at the same moment, and watched together in silent satisfaction as the cloud of gulls roared into the air and drifted away.

That year they dug holes in the sand to make ponds, and let the waves chase them back and forth along the tideline, and watched in fascination as a crab scuttled out of their reach. That was a good year.

o.o.o.o.o

When Kai was thirteen, they didn't go to the seashore. They were at a funeral.

The night after, they sat huddled together in the dark on Kai's bed, both trying not to cry for the other one's sake. Downstairs relatives argued where to shunt the children till they got old enough to live on their own.

Kai wrapped Nya in his arms and told her about the seashore. How the seagulls were probably there right now, the moonlight glinting on a sea of feathery white backs. How they could remember the gulls taking flight in a cackling blur of white, whenever they wanted, even now when things were bad.

Nya eventually fell asleep in his arms, her breath raspy with tears. Kai stayed up and kept crying alone.

o.o.o.o.o

When Kai was fifteen, they went back.

"I don't know, sis," he said, walking at Nya's side as they approached the dunes. "Maybe it's time we moved past that. The beach was just for us and . . . you know."

"That's why we're keeping it our secret," said Nya. "Come on. I've seen the way you looked at the blacksmith shop when we were closing it up. We both need this."

"But I'm a ninja now. You're part of the team too. Maybe we shouldn't look into the past anymore."

"A little looking into the past keeps you grounded." She gave him a grin. He smiled back in spite of himself, shaking his head. He'd grown to love his new teammates, and he knew Nya was getting along with them famously as well. Especially Jay. But he had to admit Nya was right—he did want at least this little piece of his past to come back, if only for the bittersweet nostalgia.

"Come on, we should run!" said Nya, as they reached the start of the dunes.

"Ah, sis, we're too old for—"

"Come onnnn!"

She pulled on Kai's arm, and he broke into a run to keep up, laughing. They were closely matched now as they darted between the dunes, kicking up sand.

When they sprang out onto the beach, their shouts died instantly. There were no gulls. The beach was covered in jagged concrete chunks, and docks and shacks were built all along the waterfront. Fishing boats bobbed everywhere, and only a handful of seagulls perched as lonely white dots on roofs or pilings. Occasionally a lone gull would cackle hysterically.

The two siblings stood motionless for a moment, side by side. After a moment they both turned away and headed slowly back through the dunes.

"Guess that part of our lives really is over," said Kai at last. "Ninjago moves on, huh?" He looked over to Nya, who hadn't replied. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah. Are you okay?"

"Sure."

He slipped an arm around her as they walked away.

o.o.o.o.o

Now Kai was eighteen. He had just recently hurt his leg during one of his usual reckless maneuvers, and he could only walk at a painfully slow trudge. He was furious about it; he hated being left behind on missions, needing everyone else's help, even needing a crutch sometimes.

"Is this really the best time to be going on a hike?" he groused, stopping to take the weight off his leg for a while. "I don't think this is anyone's idea of fun."

"It's not really a hike," said Nya.

"Oh, well then." Kai plunked down at the side of the road.

"Kaiiiii." Nya folded her arms. "The whole point was to get you some fresh air and an excuse to stop sulking."

Kai gave her the obligatory grudging look, although his heart wasn't in it. Honestly, even if he couldn't quite bring himself to be in a good mood, he felt guilty at how patient she was being with him. It used to be she'd get annoyed much faster.

It used to be she'd give up a lot faster, too. He didn't know where the years went; his baby sister, a freaking water ninja, confident, determined, fiercely dedicated to doing good. He couldn't be prouder.

Seeing that Kai wasn't about to get up, Nya huffed and sat down next to him.

"Fine. You know, if you needed a rest, you could have just said so."

"You sure you wouldn't rather be spending time with Jay?" he said, smiling ruefully. "Or, I don't know, running around doing ninja stuff?"

"Nahhhh. I wanted to show you something." She got up and pulled him to his feet.

"Yeah?" Kai tested his foot cautiously, wondering what was up. They were a few miles away from the beach they used to visit as kids, and he hoped it didn't have anything to do with that. He probably couldn't make it that far, and he didn't really want to see the place all industrialized again anyway.

"The gulls," said Nya, tugging his hands. "I found them. They didn't leave, they just moved to a different beach."

Kai's eyes snapped up to meet hers.

"You're kidding."

"Nope. They're right near here. Come on!"

Kai started to walk eagerly after her, but stumbled when pain shot up his leg again. He gritted his teeth against a yelp.

"Sis, I can't run." He tried to even out his breathing and forced a smile. "Go on, you can go without me."

"No, we have to go together." Nya took his hand again.

"There's no way we'll get the same effect walking onto that beach. At an old man's pace."

"We wouldn't be able to walk there anyway." Nya grinned, summoning her dragon in a flash of light and hauling Kai up to sit behind her. By the time Kai fully registered what was happening, the dragon was already running full-tilt for the edge of a nearby cliff, wings flopping.

"Geez, Nya!" he shouted over the thunder of the creature's feet. He wasn't particularly worried, because giant winged dragon, but he didn't really see what they were aiming for. "Where are these seagulls supposed to—"

Just then the dragon leaped out into open space—and promptly plummeted nose-first. Far below Kai saw a gravelly spit of sand, coated in what looked like snow.

Seconds later he realized the white was hundreds and hundreds of seagulls, and a second after that Nya's dragon was arcing into a sizzling dive-bomb, its wings nearly grazing the gulls below. It tossed back its head and gave a screeching roar, then pulled up and hovered, wings beating.

The gulls went up in a rolling wave. A tornado of roaring white wings beat underneath and around the elemental dragon, turning the scene into a gigantic living snowglobe. Kai and Nya pressed back-to-back, watching with wide eyes.

Finally the roar and cackle abated. The gulls moved on in a jabbering white cloud, drifting off over the ocean. The siblings shifted to ride the dragon side-saddle, still watching.

"I guess things don't change as much as we thought, huh?" said Nya at last. Kai leaned over to wrap an arm around her shoulders.


	19. Request for Zaptrap

**Me, looking through reader requests: Ninja fluff, ninja fluff, ninja fluff, pls kill Jay, ninja fl** — **WAIT WHAT**

 ***sigh* Well Zaptrap, I got a bit of a grim thrill from writing this thing, but I can't say I enjoy the results. I dunno, I hope you weren't looking forward to Jay's point of view on this experience** — **I ended up going with the cave collapse, and his role in it is over really fast. The rest of it is about the others, and it is not happy stuff. Those of you here for the happies, feel free to skip this 'un.**

 **So. Claws out! Time to give this archive's sickest puppies a run for their money.**

* * *

 **Z** **aptrap: What would happen if Jay died in a certain scenario in your book? (Ex: the cave collapse, Nash, elemental sickness, etc.)**

* * *

The end came quickly. Somewhere in the chaos and panic and sting of pebbles, Jay felt a heavier weight strike the back of his head. Another half-second and his panic ended forever.

When the dust cleared away, there was only Lloyd, shielding Skales Junior and gasping for air at the far end of the cave-in. Slowly he clambered to his feet, trying to soothe the whimpering snakelet. His heart pounded as he looked around. Where was everyone?!

Turning back to the wall of collapsed rubble, he began to dig frantically, praying he'd uncover someone. Someone still alive. Maybe Jay had been shielded by an uneven boulder? Zane could survive this kind of collapse, right?

Junior helped, scrabbling through the rubble at Lloyd's side. They dug for what must have been hours, switching locations at random, growing increasingly desperate. Finally Lloyd fell back in exhaustion, his hands bloody from digging. He stared through the darkness, his lungs burning. He knew even Zane would have suffocated by now.

"Unca Lloyd?" Junior huddled next to him, still whimpering softly. "Unca Lloyd, what do we do?"

Lloyd said nothing. He didn't want to move. He didn't want to ever get up again.

"Unca Lloyd," pleaded Junior, shaking him. Drawing in a hoarse breath, Lloyd lifted an arm to pat the snakelet's shoulder absently.

"s'okay, Junior. S'okay."

Eventually they pulled themselves together and started to walk.

* * *

They were getting hungry. They tried to catch rats, but Cole was the only one who could walk and Kai was the only one with a light. They had been at each other's throats for days now, and hunger only sharpened their anger. They pushed their raft through the water or dragged it over land in sullen silence.

They were over land right now. Kai leaned heavily on the upturned raft, using it as a crutch for his failed leg. Finally they reached shallow water again, and Cole dragged the raft away from Kai and threw it into the water. He climbed on and waited silently for Kai to join him.

He didn't. He just stood there at the water's edge, looking at the raft.

"Get moving," said Cole at last.

Still Kai didn't step any closer.

"Would you get a move on already?" Cole's anger boiled to the surface again. "I'm just about done dealing with you, all right? You try me one more time and I swear, I will leave you behind." He glared as Kai still stood motionless. "Well? Move!"

"Cole." Kai's voice was much too quiet. The earth master felt his insides go cold. Something was very wrong. "Cole, I'm scared."

"What? . . . "

"I'm scared to go into the water." Kai's wide eyes met his. Cole's stomach dropped out.

Hydrophobia.

Rabies.

* * *

"I'm not leaving you," said Cole, for probably the dozenth time.

"You have to, okay? You _have_ to! I read up on what happens when you get rabies!" Kai shook his head, his voice choked. "I already can't think straight. I can feel things slipping. I'm only gonna hurt you!"

"You're just panicking. We can still get out, Kai." They were both well past believing it, but Cole said it anyway. "We'll get out. We'll get you another shot."

"It's too late. I'm showing symptoms, there's no going back from that. Please Cole. I don't want to hurt you." Kai shut his eyes. "I don't . . . want you to see me . . . "

"I'm staying."

"Don't you get it?" said Kai. "There's _no hope_. Not for me. But you—you can still get out. Without me slowing you down, you could find an exit, you could find the others. You could save yourself. Don't throw that away so you can sit here waiting for me to go crazy and kill you."

Cole looked down the tunnel behind him, the water eerily still in the shaky light of Kai's fire. Then he took a deep breath and turned back to Kai.

"You really think I could just walk away and leave you to die alone?"

"I dunno." Kai laughed weakly. "A few minutes ago you said you would."

Cole shook his head, fighting back tears.

"I'm staying."

He did stay. As the hours slipped by Kai grew less and less coherent. His eyes glazed over, he forgot how to speak.

Then he tried to kill him. Cole scrambled out of range and stood in knee-deep water, watching in horror as Kai limped back and forth at the water's edge, leering at him with death burning in his eyes.

There was nothing more Cole could do. Finally, heart breaking, he turned away. After a few steps he started to run, stumbling through the dark.

* * *

Lloyd's entire head throbbed from his toothache. He struggled to stay upbeat for Junior, but it was hard. It was hard to keep going with a snakelet on his back when he could barely keep going on his own.

Jay was gone. Zane was gone. Cole and Kai were most likely gone as well. He was the last one standing.

"I'm so tired, Unca Lloyd," mumbled Junior, as Lloyd pulled him to his feet to keep going.

They wandered for what must have been days. It sure felt like days. Lloyd forgot what sunlight looked like.

After a long time, they suddenly heard a shuffling sound in the distance, much too heavy to be a rat.

"Hello?" called Lloyd, his eyes wide. They couldn't possibly meet Cole and Kai down here. They couldn't possibly be all right. It was too good to be true.

The shuffling came again. Infused with new energy, Lloyd and Junior broke into a run, following the sound. They swung around a bend and caught sight of a familiar figure.

"Kai!"

Choking, Lloyd dove to throw his arms around him. Junior bounded after him, but suddenly came up short, tilting his head. The snakelet's eyes narrowed.

"I can't believe it, I can't believe we found you," mumbled Lloyd through his tears, finally pulling away. He looked at Kai, wondering why he hadn't responded.

He froze.

"Kai?"

The red ninja's eyes were blank and unfocused. His leg was twisted beneath him, but he seemed not to notice or feel it. Blood trickled from a fresh wound on his forehead. Foam dripped from his chin.

"Kai—"

The light in Lloyd's hand went out as Kai mowed him to the floor.

"Run Junior RUN!"

Junior dropped to all fours and ran. He didn't get away fast enough to miss the sounds behind him, but he got away fast enough to live.

* * *

Cole was the last ninja to die. He wasn't quite sure where he was or what was happening. He could feel his way down the tunnels, but he couldn't catch rats in the dark and he soon became too weak to walk. The silent blackness seemed to close in on every side, until sometimes he was sure he was about to be crushed.

He would have seen Jay's point about not liking the underground.

Except Jay was gone.

He lay against the wall, dizzy with hunger, and felt rats scurrying over his feet. They were waiting, with their quivering whiskers, beady eyes. Dirty little claws. Sharp little teeth. They could wait a little longer.

Whenever he came closer to fully awake, he thought he heard voices laughing in the dark. They seemed to know an awful lot about him. He'd killed Lloyd. He'd left Kai to die alone. He'd failed his team. And they were awfully pleased about all of this, these voices.

It took a while, but eventually the voices faded and his eyes grew dim. The rats moved in with more confidence.

* * *

Days slipped by. Weeks. Aboveground, Nya died in a hopeless final stand against the Technicians. They ruled for two months before something worse wiped them out.

Then the something worse died too.

Down in the tunnels, nobody knew about any of this. Everything was dark, silent, and cold.

* * *

Long after the cities aboveground turned to rubble, a thin reptilian figure snaked its way into the elevator chamber. His back was hunched from too many years of feeling through the dark. The tattered remains of a sailor jacket hung from one of his shoulders. His scales were bleached from lack of light, his eyes white and unseeing, his mind pared down to primitive instincts from a life of silence, pitch darkness. The supply of rats was running thin . . .

The dilapidated hydraulic elevator still stood at the base of the shaft. The bowed figured crept over, snuffled, flickered his tongue. Dust. Undisturbed.

He flicked his head back and turned his blind eyes momentarily to the shaft above. Then he turned and skittered off into the darkness.

* * *

 **GAME OVER**

 _You have made a fatal error._

 **Restart from last save?**

 **[ Y ] [ N ]**

* * *

 **A/N: Blgh. If anyone's still here, go give Jay a hug and tell him he's important, 'kay?**


	20. More Q&A

**And now for something completely different! (Sorta.)**

 **Lots of questions for StoneByrd and company, and now with even more questions from other folks too!**

* * *

 **Questions for Nash:  
(Bear in mind, you might want to take these with a grain of salt; I've tried to keep him truthful, but like many psychopaths he's a compulsive liar.)  
**

 _What's your favorite animal?_

Nash: Ducks. They're delicious.

 _What's your favorite color? Now describe it._

Nash: Red. It's the color you see when you win. The more of it you sssee, the more win there is.

 _What's your favorite food?_

Nash: Anything that's still warm and juicy.

 _Favorite video game, if you play? Also favorite board game?_

Nash: Naw, I'm busy conducting my business here, cracking ssskulls and the like. No time for pretend skull-cracking. And board games are deadly boring.

 _Can you give us a story from your childhood?_

Nash: Eh, well. When I was ssstill in school, there was this one kid who always wanted to impress the teacher and whatever. So eventually the teacher started ragging me for bad conduct, because I guess she didn't have better things to do, and she said I had to stay after school to clean all the erasers. So I managed to convince this kid that he should clean the erasers to impress the teacher, and I had him doin' it for me for weeks. And I got the credit, of course.

 _What do you look for in a significant other?_

Nash: I'm not picky. I come across a dame, and wham, bam, thank you ma'am. Thass all.

 _Do you like orange flavored muffins? How about cockroach flavored ones? ... Meatloaf?_

Nash: Orange, nahhhhhh. Can't taste that stuff. Cockroach is good. Meatloaf, now we're talkin'. Only ditch the muffin part, just gimme the roaches and loaf.

 _Opinions on your coworkers?_

Nash: BLETHERING IDIOTS. [It was originally paragraph-length, but I trimmed out the language.]

 _Opinion on Pokemon?_

Nash: They don't look like they'd have a lot of meat on 'em. I do like the powers, though. That could be useful. I could get me some of those Pokeymanz, and I could sic 'em on those ninja with their elements . . . yeahhhhh . . .

 _Do you believe in ghosts?_

Nash: Nahhhhhhhh. If they were a thing, I wouldn't be able to walk for all the cold screechin' fog, y'know what I mean?

 _What are your thoughts on this group of Ninja you're trying to murder?_

Nash: TOO FRIGGING HARD TO MURDER. They got out of my claws. Red thinks he can run from me. Blue boy keeps worming out of my grip, which DOES NOT happen. The little green bacon bit got out from under my frigging teeth. It's like an itch I can't scratch, these ninja. And when I get my claws on this itch, I'm gonna [redacted to maintain T rating].

 _How much of your fighting is natural talent and how much is practice?_

Nash: 's part breeding. I'm from real good stock. I've been practicin' since I was in grade school though, so that's gotta count for something. The most important thing is, you gotta smell that warm meat scrabbling away, and you gotta imagine the taste of it, and you gotta go after it like the Great Devourer with a hot brand on his tail. But at the same time you've gotta keep your wits on you. You gotta stay cool.

 _Can you tell us about your day-to-day schedule?_

Nash: Different every day. On about any given day, in some order, I'm gonna be getting reports from my sssub-bosses, disciplining anyone who's got outta line, checking over goods sold and revenues for all the different districts, managin' production and storage, checking over new recruits, sometimes puttin' out some fires if the police get too lively. And now I have the blethering idiots to work with as well. I do a lot of textin' and emailing with them in between all this.

 _Here's an energy drink; getting us to hate your guts so perfectly must be exhausting._

Nash: *Takes unopened can in mouth. Crunches into spray of caffeinated seltzer. Chews perfunctorily. Swallows.*

* * *

 **Questions for Natanka:**

 _You have to wear a dress; what does it look like?_

Natanka: Oh, one of those nice traditional Dranuhovian dresses. White and red, with puffed sleeves and puffy skirts and black or green trim and lots of embroidery.

 _What music do you listen to? Favorite song?_

Natanka: Ahhh, I haven't listened to much music for years . . . not since I was a little snakelet in Dranuhovia . . . But my favorite from then is "Nyeh Budsh Sheh Mashyen." Very pretty song about dreams and hard times and things. Heh . . . After the things I've done I suppose it's a bit, how you say, hypocritical? I lost the right to be sentimental with a clean conscience.  
And I did get to hear a little pop sometimes while pushing slobber in bars. I do like "No" by Meghan Trainor. It goes well with my accent. And my range. And me.

 _What are you going to do with your life, now that you're in hiding?_

Natanka: Hide. Hide hard. On weekends I might hide leisurely. Hiding from the chief is full-time job.  
Also catch gulls and peccaries to eat. And then the chief finds me, and _pst!_ No more worrying about future.

 _You're stranded on an island for one month; what three things do you take to help you survive?_

Natanka: Heh, funny you should ask. Anyway, I survive pretty good on my own, like many snakes. No need for clothes, cooking, packed food. I would like a knife, and my utility belt, maybe the blanket for cold nights.

 _Can you tell us about your relationship with your father? Your mother?_

Natanka: _Ehhh, chih musheh?_ *sigh* All right. My father I have not seen since I was teenaged snake. He was . . . not a very good father. When I was snakelet he disappeared more and more. Acted strange, shouted, frightened my mother. One day he disappears, doesn't come back. My mother cries and cries. I get angry, because I know he's off having fun somewhere. I go off to tell him what I think. Instead I find Nash's crew. They tell me they have my father, I must give them my venom for a week if I want him back. I give them venom for a week . . . then next week . . . then they say they will kill my mother if I don't keep giving them venom . . . And my father I never see again.  
My mother was a beautiful Serpentine, though. _Pravjeeva pan-na._ She was always sick, and my father made her sicker, but she was very good.

 _Opinions on the group of Ninja you just helped?_

Natanka: _Idiochi_. Wonderful, loving, stupid, stupid _idiochi_. Terrible at being ninjas. I don't know how they made it this far being such saps; the chief will eat them alive. I'll be very sad when he does.  
The little green one needs help.

 _How long can you hold your breath underwater?_

Natanka: *tries* About minute and a half.

 _We really appreciated all the info about Venomari; can you tell us anything extra about hatchlings?_

Natanka: _Dshienki, s'pshiyemnoshchoh._ We Venomari have more twins, like I said; there are two kinds, the clutch twins and the egg twins. Egg twins are two babies coming from the same egg. Clutch twins are when mother snake lays two eggs instead of one. Clutch twins do not happen much. It's harder to make two eggs than an egg with two yolks.  
Baby snakelets are much better-formed than human babies. I hear you only start to talk at one year? Snakelets start to talk at three to four months. Get your act together, humans.  
It used to be parent snakes would give their babies small prey or chew large prey into little bits. These days everyone has it easy, they give their babies ground beef and hotdogs. Makes the youth soft, some say, but at least fewer of them choke on bones.  
Baby snakes do not crawl. They're more likely to walk on all fours for a bit before they learn to walk on two legs.  
It's very important to hold and stroke snakelets enough when they're small. They will be wrong in the head and not very good hunters when they grow up if you don't.

 _Can we ask about your accent? How was life growing up; Did you travel many places?_

Natanka: The accent of Dranuhovia. Life was not very good, as I said back there. When I was very small things were not so bad, but I do not remember much of that. I mostly remember hiding under the table from my father. And then I was a teenager and I did not get a chance to travel because I was dragged into the slobber trade. They made me transfer from Dranuhovia to Ninjago because business is better here, and that's all the travel I've ever done.

 _Who's your hero?_

Natanka: My mother. Perhaps the _idiochi_. Although they do not need to know that.

* * *

 **Questions for Nobu-baby (Dubbed so by PastelGreys):**

 _Are you single?_

Nobu: Err, yes.

 _Can we all be friends?_

Nobu: That would be wonderful!

 _Favorite color?_

Nobu: Oh, cream. Or off-white.

 _Favorite scent?_

Nobu: Back in Cloud Kingdom the cloud fields used to have a very particular smell in the mornings. Sort of . . . fresh and clean and sharp . . .  
Jay: Uhh, anything like this? *offers laundry detergent*  
Nobu: Exactly like that, actually. Oh my.

 _What's your favorite genre of music/your favorite song?_

Nobu: I don't know too many Ninjago songs yet; music was one of the distractions we could not have in Cloud Kingdom. ^_^'' But now that I'm here I've heard a few songs I really enjoy. I, uh . . . I don't know what the genre name is . . .  
Nya: You can show us some CDs and we'll tell you.  
Nobu: Okay! *goes for CDs*  
Kai: Heh. I bet it's Gregorian chants or something.  
Jay: I bet it's easy-listening Muzak.  
Nya: Hush, boys. Let the poor monk listen to what he wants.  
Nobu: I've got them! What do you call these?  
Cole: Uh . . . thaaaaaat is heavy metal.  
Zane: Actually, I think that particular band falls into the sub-genre 'death metal.'  
Nobu: Oh dear. Is that what they call it?  
Kai: . . . Wow.

 _What's the color of your toothbrush?_

Nobu: Toothbrush? . . .  
Jay: Do you not clean your teeth in Cloud Kingdom?  
Nobu: No? . . .  
Kai: Oh boy. I wonder if you'll need to start doing that now that you live in Ninjago . . .

 _What's your favorite flower?_

Nobu: Lily of the valley.

 _So you wrote for the Cloud Kingdom; did you ever get to write about the Ninja's destinies? If so, which ones? And who was your favorite to write about?_

Nobu: Oh no, the ninja were too important, I wasn't allowed to write on their scrolls. I did see Kai's scroll lying open once, and I wanted to write on it when no one was looking, but I was too scared.  
Kai: Woah. What were you gonna write?  
Nobu: I thought I'd undo your difficult relationship with technology. That never came to pass, sadly.  
Kai: Awww, mannnn . . .

 _Favorite dessert?_

Nobu: Strawberry custard. You can get little packets of instant powder for it in Ninjago. It's marvelous.

 _Do you watch anime? If not, you should._

Nobu: I think I might have seen a few! They're very pretty to watch.

 _Do you like peeps?_

Nobu: Peeps?  
Lloyd: These. *gives candy*  
Nobu: Oh, that's nice. But I think I still prefer strawberry custard.

 _What's your favorite part about your new job?_

Nobu: All the books. They smell and feel so nice, and some of them have ancient calligraphy or beautiful illustrations in them, and I get to read as many as I want.

 _If you could have any animal as a pet, what would you get?_

Nobu: I think I would like a pet mouse. Or a gerbil.

 _On average, how much sleep do you get?_

Nobu: We, uh, don't really sleep. ^_^'' Or we used not to. Now that I'm in Ninjago and everything shuts down at night, I find a few hours of sleep are nice. Maybe three or four at most; the rest of the time I stay up and read.

 _Do you collect anything?_

Nobu: Not currently. But I think I'd like to start collecting bookmarks.

 _What special things do you do for Christmas, if you celebrate it?_

Nobu: We didn't have Christmas in Cloud Kingdom, but I did get to watch many Christmases in Ninjago, and they look wonderful. I think when next Christmas comes I'll want to make cookies and have a tree and find gifts. They actually pay me for this library job, did you know? I could buy gifts for the ninja and the other friends I'm making here.

 _Along those lines, the library is hosting a Christmas party for the homeless; the hot chocolate bar is insanely fancy. How do you decorate your drink?_

Nobu: Uhhh . . . what kind of things would they have? . . . I've never done this before . . .  
Cole: They would definitely have marshmallows. And whipped cream.  
Jay: And candy canes!  
Nya: And sprinkles, and probably things like colored sugar and chopped nuts and flavored syrup and cinnamon.  
Lloyd: And lots of other types of candy. Gummy bears, chocolate chips, jellybeans, gumdrops . . .  
Nobu: o.O . . . Could I have everything?  
Jay: Hehe. We need to get this kid to a hot chocolate bar, stat. This is gonna be something to see.

* * *

 **Questions for Sylvia:**

 _What's been the most interesting story on your podcast?_

Sylvia: Well, I'm probably biased because I was so excited, but I'd have to say it was the ninja.

 _How about the most disappointing?_

Sylvia: The fourth one. I saw a guy on the internet commenting on alien sighting videos like he was some kind of expert, so I talked him into starring in the podcast. Then it turns out his only real encounter is seeing this one white light go by pretty fast on the horizon. Really low-level stuff. I just about gave up after that.

* * *

 **Questions for CapsLock:**

 _Describe your personality in three words?_

CapsLock: Chill but tough.

 _Favorite weather?_

CapsLock: I like a nice foggy day, actually. It's picturesque.

 _Do you like vocaloid please (PastelGreys)_

CapsLock: That's electronic, right? Nahhh, I'm a classical kind of guy. I like anything on a piano.

 _Hobbies?_

CapsLock: I play the piano, and I do a little shop work. Building bookcases and such.

 _Have you met Silica in person? What are you thoughts on her?_

CapsLock: Yeah, a couple times. She seems a bit . . . unmotivated, to put it politely, but her tech sense is clearly great. She's actually a lot more lively and personable in the conversations we have online.

 _What was the last song you listened to?_

CapsLock: This annoying jazz mix they keep playing over the store radio at my day job. I swear it chases away customers.

 _Who knows you best?_

CapsLock: Right now, probably my girlfriend. Although even she doesn't know what I'm doing with these Techs . . .

 _How old are you?_

CapsLock: 22.

 _What makes you laugh?_

CapsLock: Ah, I do like the old black-and-white comedy personalities. Laurel and Hardy and the like.

 _Are you an introvert or an extrovert?_

CapsLock: I think I'm somewhere in between. For my day job I have to be energetic and outgoing and make sales pitches, and I really like that. But in the evening, I don't like to go out and party or anything, I like to just go home and relax.

 _What's the stupidest thing that's ever happened to you?_

CapsLock: I was taking a criminal background check for my day job, and turns out my name is identical to some kind of crazy mobster guy or something. I was supposed to have a clean criminal record, and instead the report comes back with gosh knows how much jail time. I was supposed to _still_ be in jail, actually. It was a ton of hassle clearing that up.  
Heh . . . thinking about it, by now the record would probably be pretty accurate. But unless those ninja figure out who I am, my official criminal record's staying clean.

 _How about the stupidest mistake you've ever made?_

CapsLock: Ah, I guess I should say "joining the Technicians," shouldn't I? But I dunno. I'm still pretty mad about that one horse race where I switched my bet at the last moment and missed out on the winning horse . . .

 _What are your thoughts on the Ninja?_

CapsLock: Dear eff ess em, they are a hassle. It's mixed feelings overall, I guess. They seem like really nice kids, and you can't deny they're crazy brave. And determined. I kinda wish we didn't have to put them through what we do. But they're meddling where they shouldn't, so they're bringing in on their own heads.

* * *

 **Questions for Silica:**

 _If you could go anywhere on vacation, where would you go?_

Silica: I would totally just wanna hang out at home and surf the web. Travel's a hassle.

 _Favorite fish?_

Silica: Hehe. Lloydfish. The kid's adorable.

 _How well can you dance?_

Silica: Like falling down the stairs.

 _Will you be our friend?_

Silica: Psh. Sorry, I'm not super-good friend material. Like seriously, your health and sanity will do better if you don't mix with me. Thanks for the offer tho.

 _What do you know about Elemental Masters?_

Silica: Not too much. To be honest, for a long time I thought they didn't exist—I heard some stuff on the internet about people with mysterious powers, but I thought it was all hoaxes, you know? But then there was that Anacondrai attack on Ninjago a little while ago and suddenly there's a whole bunch of Elemental Masters on the news. Crazy, right? I don't really know much more about them than your average citizen, though.  
Except the ninja. _Them_ , I know all about.

 _How do you feel about this group of Ninja that keeps trying to thwart you?_

Silica: ARRRRRRRRRRRRGH. That about sums it up, really. What I'd give for them to just shut up and quit so I don't have to keep worrying what Blue's gonna do to them.

 _If you feel so bad about what you're doing, what gave you idea for it in the first place? Why did it appeal enough to begin?_

Silica: Hooooooo doggy. See, I was developing this fancy trick with code. I didn't think it would work. But when I tested it, it did. And I just kinda sat there, staring at my computer, going, "holy #$%. I could freaking take over Ninjago with this."  
And then I thought, if I can, why don't I? Everyone says to make something of myself, so hey!  
I did _not_ realize at the time that it would be THIS FREAKING COMPLICATED. I thought I'd partner up with Cap and Blue, they'd provide manpower and take care of the details, we'd have the whole thing finished in like two weeks with no complications. HAH.  
Hoo boy.

 _So what encourages you to continue?_

Silica: The fact that I have no choice? *headdesk* Seriously, I don't. What am I gonna do, head over to Blue and go "eh, you know what, changed my mind, we're not doing this"? Plus the net is too big by now. Someone's gonna run across it. Eventually they might trace it back to me, and then it's like, jail forever. Maybe even Kryptarium. #$% this, I'm not going to Kryptarium. This project is gonna _finish_.  
There's also CapsLock, I guess. He's such a supportive sweetie, even if he does keep going behind my back to plot murdery stuff with Blue. Ugh.

 _Favorite quote?_

Silica: "Never go out to meet trouble. If you just sit still, nine cases out of ten, someone will intercept it before it reaches you." I think that was Calvin Coolidge.

 _It's okay to be frustrated. Need to vent?_

Silica: Oh shoot, I'm only now getting permission? *Looks at previous questions.* Whoops.

* * *

 **Questions for the Ninja~**

 **Kai:**

 _Craziest story from your time as the Red Shogun?_

Kai: Crazy as in funny, or crazy as in legitimately messed-up?  
Nya: Please.  
Kai: Right. Low-key crazy. Um . . . oh! Okay. So one day I was having a pretty normal run at the Slither Pit. I won a couple battles, then I went down to the bar to wait for my next fight. I was just sitting there with my drink, and suddenly this crazy guy shows up and starts talking to me. Like, seriously, he's a holy terror. He starts chewing me out for being a Slither Pit fighter. So at first I'm just kinda, "yeah, whatever man, you finished?", trying to ignore this guy. But then he starts trying to drag me off with him. He's not taking no for an answer. Finally when he sees I'm not coming, he tells me to go out and meet him later instead.  
Nya: Please tell me you didn't actually go meet him.  
Kai: I did, actually.  
Nya: Not sure what I was expecting. Great. So where did you end up _that_ time?  
Kai: Chen's House of Noodles . . . *Is tackled by Lloyd*

 _What scares you the most?_

Kai: I'm not scared of anything.  
Cole: Of course he'd say that.  
Jay (hoarse whisper): Bunny rabbits!  
Kai: What?  
Jay (louder whisper): Shag carpeting!  
Kai: Stop that.  
Jay (basically just normal volume with more breath): Bronze and cast-iron candlesticks!  
Kai: Jay, making up stupid stuff for me to be scared of is not gonna make me confess what I'm actually scared of.  
Jay: So you ARE scared of something!  
Kai: I didn't say that!

 _What do you order when you go to Chen's House of Noodles?_

Kai: I usually like to try the weekly special or any new recipes they've got. If not that, the Thai noodles.

 _The team is roasting marshmallows over a campfire; how do yours turn out?_

Kai: Totally perfect, thank you very much!  
Cole: I guess a fire master's idea of 'perfect' _would_ be charcoal . . .  
Kai: Oh, hush.

 _What's your favorite summer group activity? And your favorite to do by yourself?_

Kai: I didn't really do group activities as a kid—  
Cole: Noooooo, really? I would not have guessed that, Mr. I-Don't-Want-to-be-in-This-Team!  
Kai: Hush some more. But now that I've been with these maniacs for a couple of summers, I'm starting to like soccer. As for by myself, I like to just climb a tree and take a nap up there. It's nice.

* * *

 **Zane:**

 _Can you make mochi?_

Zane: Certainly, yes. I enjoy it very much myself, particularly the variety with ice cream inside. I don't get to make it very often, though, because Cole chokes on it.

 _What colors appeal to you?_

Zane: White and light blue. I like almost any colors tastefully arranged, though.

 _What flavor combinations appeal to your tastebuds, and what temperature of edible goods satisfies your systems?_

Zane: I am fortunate to be programmed with very sensitive taste receptors, and a finely tuned idea of which flavor combinations appeal to humans. But I think my personal favorite is sweet-creamy paired with sharp-juicy. For example, orange, mint, or strawberry cream.  
I also have a finely tuned sense of the temperature at which each food will taste the best, so I like each food at its ideal temperature. But picking from the range, I like warm foods. Hot chocolate, soup, the like.  
Jay: Wait, what? That seems counterintuitive.

 _What is the coolest thing you can do with your Element?_

Zane: I suppose Jay would say they are all cool . . .  
Jay: I would.  
Zane: But I think the best might be ice sculptures. I can make some simple free-standing shapes with ice, for example a swan, and I can also make very delicate patterns of ice or frost on a framework. Leaves, wrought-iron fences, and car grilles all make very good bases.  
Cole: Psh, art? I thought the best one was the instant ice pops.  
Lloyd: I vote for the ice pops.  
Nya: Leave him alone, guys, this isn't a vote.

 _What's the most complex sentence you could spew right now?_

Zane: If we assume ideal climactic conditions, and barring interference from wind, electrical surges, small earthquakes, and Rayleigh scattering (which is the quantum mechanism by which air molecules in large quantities take on a bluish tint), we could potentially employ the parabolic equation minus air resistance, since this is negligible compared to the mass of our subject and the equation yields results in the tenths of thousandths, to deduce the eventual landing point, and engage a contingency plan for the few next most likely impact locations, assuming that—  
*Half an hour later*  
Lloyd: Is he _still_ going?  
Kai: Wait, when did this start being about sea slug mating rituals?

* * *

 **Cole:**

 _What are your nightmares about?_

Cole: A lot of different stuff. I have some stupid ones, you know, dreaming about killer cake or being terrified of hamsters or something. Then there are some standard ones like falling or not being able to run away. I keep having this recurring nightmare about turning into a ghost, it's really weird . . . And then there are the really nasty ones, where my friends are dying. Or my dad is. Or _I_ killed them. Or it's about the aliens, and . . . all that blood, and . . . yeah.

 _Can you tell me about your mother?_

Cole: Well . . . n-no, not much. I haven't seen her since I was really small. She had long brown hair, I think, and she liked to sing. And, well, I was tiny, so I thought she was really tall. I guess she must have been about average, though. And I remember she used to read to me and let me play in the dirt and just . . . generally was more fun than Dad, who always just wanted to train me in music and dance and stuff. And she fought with Dad a lot. Mostly . . . about me.

 _Craziest lumberjack story?_

Cole: Eh heh. That's really hard, actually. Those lumberjacks were the most _boring_ people ever, for real. I actually started to miss these guys, can you believe it?  
Jay: Ha, ha, ha.  
Cole: But seriously. I think it might have been this one time, there was this squirrel I was friends with—  
Jay: Pfff. You were friends with a squirrel?  
Cole: I was, actually.  
Jay: Was it because you were _nuts?_  
Cole: It was because it was a step up!  
Jay: Owwww. Uncalled-for.  
Cole: Now. This squirrel would hang around and watch all the lumberjacks working sometimes, and if we started chopping a tree it liked, it would get really mad and throw nuts at us. And one time there was a bulldozer working nearby, and this squirrel somehow threw an acorn just right and jammed it into the engine and stuck the steering mechanism. So this bulldozer went out of control and ran into the shed where we were keeping dynamite to blast out tree stumps.  
Sooooo you can imagine the shed went kablooey. Nobody was hurt or anything, but the word got out, and we had inspectors coming in to investigate if we had unsafe dynamite storage or reckless drivers or _what_. And here we were trying to explain that a _squirrel_ wrecked our bulldozer and blew up our shed.

 _Was there ever a time that you disliked cake?_

Cole: All the time. I dislike any cake I can't have.  
Kai: Of course.

 _Weirdest thing you've eaten?_

Cole: A fifty-ken piece. I was six. It was a dare. Learn from my mistakes, kids.

* * *

 **Jay:**

 _Creepiest story you've ever heard?_

Jay: Hmmmm . . . okay. So, we might want Lloyd to leave.  
Lloyd: I'm not going anywhere!  
Jay: I don't wanna traumatize you. Better make Cole leave too.  
Cole: Just shut up and tell it, Zaptrap.  
Jay: Fine. So, this is completely, totally true. It actually happened. There's this highway that runs through the desert, not too far from my parents' junkyard, right? Well, one night a couple years ago, there was this hitchhiker. He was walking along the road in the dark, hoping a car would come along and pick him up. Soon he sees this car coming up from behind, so he sticks out his thumb, but he doesn't have much hope. But whaddaya know, the car slows down. Then it stops. It's this big, black car, with tinted windows. The hitckhiker waits, but nobody rolls down the driver side window. So he goes around to the passenger side, and he opens the door . . .  
AND A SKELETON POPPED OUT!  
Cole: Are you SERIOUS?  
Kai: That is objectively the _worst_ —  
Jay: Kaythanksbye! *Runs for it*

 _How about the best joke?_

Jay: Why does lightning shock people? Because it doesn't know how to conduct itself.

 _Favorite recipe?_

Jay: S'mores. Just, they're so simple. But so perfect.

 _Name a few of your greatest inventions._

Jay: Just a few of many, might I add! Okay, so there was the Super Steam-Powered Snake Smasher, which totally would have worked if I could have gotten enough water into it. Then there was this little helicopter-table thingy I made once. Also this fancy megaphone to make dragon roars louder. Oooh, and my paper wings! I did get them to work eventually.

 _So I get the feeling that Nash wants to eat your entrails. What are you going to do when that time comes?_

Jay: O_O  
O_O  
O_O  
D:  
D8  
O8  
x_X

* * *

 **Lloyd:**

 _What makes you laugh so hard you can't breathe?_

Lloyd: Ugh . . . Way too many things. Since apparently I'm president of the Society for the Easily Amused. *glares*  
Cole: I think the answer is just "us." You get this kid wound-up enough and you can cross your eyes at him and he'll laugh.  
Lloyd: Ugh. Seriously, you don't know how hard it is to live with these clowns. We're making a salad for dinner. A freaking _salad._ And out of nowhere they start talking about how avocados are the weirdest fruits and how they're going to teach a college course entirely about the weirdness of avocados, and they start making up an actual detailed class schedule going "Week 1, Weirdness of Avocado Skin. Week 2, Weirdness of Avocado Pits," and meanwhile someone else is off to the side yelling "How DARE you speak so about avocados? I will avenge them!". I mean. HOW IS ANYONE SUPPOSED TO REACT TO THAT?  
Kai: Great is your suffering.  
Lloyd: Yes it is.

 _Does blood freak you out?_

Lloyd: Nahhh, no. Less blood and more of violence, with or without blood.

 _When were you sickest in your life?_

Lloyd: When I was little and ran away from Darkley's, there was a bunch of cold rain and I got a fever and I think on top of that I ate a poisonous mushroom or something. I'm . . . actually not sure how many days I was out. Was honestly pretty surprised that I woke up again.  
Jay: Holy cow. We almost didn't have Lloydfish.

 _So what are you gonna do when you find a girl that you actually like?_

Lloyd: Ick. Do I have to? I, uh . . . guess I'll ask her to hang out? Have dinner or something? Man that's gonna be awkward.

 _Do you play any musical instrument? If not, do you sing?_

Lloyd (stage whisper): I actually _can_ play the kazoo. Jay thinks I still believe I can't. But I figured it out like two days after he told me.  
Jay: Wait, what's that?!  
Lloyd: Nothing. And, uh, I can play Sitar Hero, if that counts?  
Jay: It does.  
Zane: It most certainly does not.  
Lloyd: Well, in that case, I . . . guess I can sing? Sort of? I mean, I can _do_ it. But I don't know if I'm any good. I've only ever sung in front of people when there's a bunch of other people singing too.  
Jay: You do not want to see what happens if you try to ask him to sing alone. It's like pulling teeth. While your own teeth are also being pulled.  
Lloyd: It's _awkward_ , okay?

* * *

 **Question from TheAmberShadow:**

 _Lloyd, you're getting a girlfriend in season 8! Would you rather it be Chamille or some random girl?_

Lloyd: Oh man, that's tricky. I guess it depends on how Chamille feels about it too. We've . . . hung out a little, I guess . . . but I don't think we were ever planning to make it permanent, you know what I mean? Sure, everyone wants a relationship in high school and stuff, but how many people end up marrying their high school sweethearts? Not too many. So if Chamille was ready to move on too, I'd be okay with meeting someone new.

* * *

 **Questions from Guest:**

 _To Cole: How or when or why (maybe all) did you become "leader" of the ninja?_

[Note, there actually is a semi-canon explanation for this, so I'm going with that one!]

Cole: Ah, it's kinda hard to pin down. At first it wasn't really official—even I didn't know I was the leader. Just, the team was brand-new—we hadn't even rescued Nya yet—and we were fighting Skulkin. It was a really chaotic battle, so I reflexively took charge, and it went really well. Nobody said anything, but from then on I was kind of the unspoken leader.  
Wu: Yes, that was on purpose. If I had made you official leader there would have been resentment.  
Cole: Heh, yeah. Eventually it did come out—I think it was Jay who officially called me the leader first—and after that there _was_ resentment. I dealt with it pretty good, though.  
Kai: Ughhhhhh. Don't remind me.  
Cole: That was a fun day.  
Lloyd: Heh. What the heck did you guys get up to before I joined?  
Jay: Those were wilder days, son.

 _To Kai: I'll spare you the skin alive and instead burn you at the stake; what is that most embarrassing moment that has ever happened to you in front of the others? (Skin alive is fluffiest, be grateful)_

[Fluffiest, eh? Now I'm curious!]

Kai: Hooooo boy. Where to start . . . You know, I think the worst might actually be Skylor. The whole long stretch of it. First everyone thought I was crushing on my cousin. Then I was all "yay, we can trust her, she's our most dependable ally!", and then suddenly she's getting me thrown in Chen's jail. And all throughout this I was . . . probably acting a little lovestruck . . .  
Jay: Pff, a LITTLE?!  
Kai: Hush. And on top of all _that,_ Thunderblades. So yeah. There might have been noodles on that island, but I swear the only thing I remember eating is humble pie.  
Cole: It's healthy.

 _To Jay: TINKERTOYS *catches iron solderor (is that how it's spelt lmao) and throws it back*_  
 _No but seriously why are you so easily triggered by thks statement and do you ever get tired of it?_  
 _Also, did you know you're illegal? Cuz you're a Jay-walker XD_

Jay: *ducks returning soldering iron* Why? Because it's funny. The first time I was just overreacting for a joke. Now I've got it as a running gag. All the great comedy acts have those, y'know? And I never pass up a chance for an easy laugh, so I'm not getting tired of this any time soon.  
And I'm fully legal! I've got an official document stating that I have the right to be Jay Walker. AKA my birth certificate.  
Cole: Really? Have you ever seen it?  
Jay: No, but . . . I've gotta have one, right? Everyone does. Unless they were abandoned at birth or something, geez.

 _To Zane: What things do you find funny?_

Zane: With or without funny switch on?  
Jay: Let's make this interesting, say without it.  
Zane: Then this is a difficult question to answer. Mostly practical jokes and nonsensical situations, I suppose. Instances of extreme but harmless incongruity? To some degree I suppose I am capable of schadenfreude . . .  
Kai: What does all of that even mean?  
Jay: Leave it to Zane to reduce humor to a science.

 _To Lloyd: When are you ever going to cUT YOUR HAIR if not I shall give the ninjas the honourd of shaving it off._

Lloyd: NEVER. Not until I'm good and ready! And nobody better try to shave it. I'm warning ya. I've gotta knife.  
Kai: That's a plastic knife from a carryout burrito place.  
Lloyd: But still a knife. *pokes*

 _To Meep and Mopp: Do you miss your home?_

Meep: YESH  
Mopp: AGHHHHHH  
Meep: WHYYYYYYYYYYY  
*Prolonged screeching. Jay attempts to soothe.*

 _To Nya: Why do you like inventing?_

Nya: Ah, it's just really satisfying. To have this idea and put things together and see what you imagined actually taking shape . . . it's a great feeling. Plus really useful too.

 _To Natanka: What do you know about the other Serpentine tribes?_

Natanka: Quite a lot. We Serpentine stick to our own tribes a little bit, but we still associate much more with other snakes than with people.

 _To Nash: Why did you enter the slobber trade?_

Nash: Ohhhh, the money. Ohhhh, the power. *salivates*

 _To Silica: Where did you get that name..._

Silica: It's my code name. It comes from the silicon they use in computer chips.

 _To Caps: Same as Silica_

CapsLock: Also my code name. Silica just told me to pick a computer-y term, and I don't know a ton about computers, so I picked a keyboard key. I figured it was a little snazzier than BackSpace. :P

 _To Authorjelly: hOW ARE YOU SO AMAZING ASDFGHJKL_

Who, me? ^_^''

 _To all I have addressed: If you could do one thing, and no one can stop you, what would you do?_

Cole: Eat all the cake. ALL OF IT.  
Jay: Take all the cake away from Cole. ALL OF IT.  
Cole: Ohhhhh, you wanna start something, buddy?  
Jay: ^_^  
Kai: Eh, I dunno. I guess the standard answer is "rob a bank" or something like that, right? I'd feel kinda lousy about it, though. Maybe I'd just go beat up the next person who annoyed me.  
Zane: I would want to become human for a day, just to see what it is like.  
Lloyd: Oh gosh. I . . . would there be some way to open the Cursed Realm without bad consequences?  
Nya: This is weird, but I've always kinda wanted to use the Samurai X suit to demolish a building. Just, you know, to see if I can. Maybe I'll ask the local construction company if they'd let me help on their demolition crew someday.  
Meep: Go back home!  
Mopp: Yesshhhhhh.  
Natanka: Agh. Come out of hiding and snuff the Chief off the face of the planet. That'd be a good day.  
Nash: GET THESE DAMN NINJA.  
Silica: Tell Nash what I really think. Yeesh.  
Caps: Ask Sil what she's up to. I get the weirdest feeling from some of her texts that she's . . . you know, _into_ me. Which is awkward, 'cos I already have a girlfriend.  
Me: }:]


	21. Lucky We All Grew Up So Normal

**Hi fellas! Whoo, been a while since _this_ thing updated. I know I do still owe some of you guys one-shots, and I swear those are going to happen! I promise.**

 **But for now! I got a surprising number of questions about Cole's nightmares back in Chapter 83. That's what I get for changing the script at the last minute. XD So here's an "alternate" version of that scene, closer to the original! And slightly expanded.**

 **Also, a few extra people asked questions for the Q &A more recently. Those have now been answered! They're at the end of the "More Q&A" chapter. ^_^''**

* * *

Cole fell asleep easily—they were used to sleeping on bare rock if they needed to, sitting up on a sofa was no problem—but woke up again in the middle of the night.

"Are you okay?" someone murmured next to him. He blinked in that direction. Lloyd was awake, the glow of his phone screen lighting up his face.

"What are you doing up?" Cole mumbled.

"My sleep patterns are a mess after the last few nights," said Lloyd. "I couldn't sleep."

"You sure?"

"Yes, geez. I was just starting to get sleepy now," sighed Lloyd. "Why are _you_ up? You just now kinda choked and woke up."

"Oh. Uh, nightmare." Cole rubbed one eye, yawning. "The usual."

"Wait, what?" Lloyd started. "You had a nightmare?"

"Yeah . . . "

"But . . . I was awake," said Lloyd. "I was here playing on my phone."

"Yeah, so?"

"I thought I was causing the nightmares. With the spell."

"Oh." Cole blinked groggily, processing. "Wow. That makes sense."

"But . . . you just now had a nightmare anyway? You're sure?" said Lloyd.

"You don't hafta sound so eager," grumbled Cole.

"S-sorry." Lloyd ducked his head sheepishly. "You, uh . . . you okay?"

"As okay as you always are," said Cole, giving him an ironic look. Lloyd huffed.

His phone screen blinked out as they sat. Meep made small sleepy fidgeting noises from somewhere inside Lloyd's blankets.

"So . . . what are your nightmares about?" asked Lloyd eventually.

"Ah, a lot of stuff," said Cole, throwing his head back. "Falling, dying. Dying of falling. You guys getting hurt . . . " He hesitated. "A . . . a lot of them still about my dad."

"Really? Me too," said Lloyd.

"Woah, really?" Cole looked up. "I thought you and your dad always got along pretty well."

"Ohh." Lloyd started. "I, uh—sorry. No. I was thinking of something else."

"Oh. I know what you mean."

Lloyd shook his head hastily.

"N-never mind, this wasn't about me. So, uh—yours are . . . uh . . . "

"Ah, nothing much." Cole shrugged awkwardly. "I mean, I guess I shouldn't complain. I . . . "

"You at least _have_ a dad to have nightmares about, I know, I know." Lloyd waved in dismissal. "C'mon. That's not how it works. You can complain if you want to."

"Eh . . . " Cole shifted again. "Just—you know. There's probably some weird science explanation for it, but whatever, right? When I was little I used to have nightmares about my dad all the time." He hesitated again.

"That he was gone?" murmured Lloyd, blinking drowsily through the dark.

"Naw." Cole laughed tiredly. "That he was there. Like, sometimes I dreamed he was telling me to kill people, and I had to do it."

"Oh my gosh."

"Yeah. Or, I dunno. A lot of ones where something really bad would happen and he didn't care. Or . . . well, this one I've had a couple times . . . um . . . " Cole hesitated, then sighed. "Eh. There's this lady, and I don't really know what she looks like, but I know it's my mom. And my dad is telling her she has to go into this room, and somehow I know it's dangerous, she's gonna die. And I keep yelling no, don't make her go in there. But I can't stop him."

"Oh gosh," said Lloyd thinly.

"Ah, it sounds worse than it is." Cole tried to wave it off. "You know how it is. Being a little kid, getting told to practice music and dance all the time, not much freedom, lots of pressure. It does weird things to your brain at night."

Lloyd shook his head.

"And you still have those even now?"

"Nah, not much. They stopped after I made up with my dad, really just dropped off all of a sudden. It's just that . . . Usually when there's a lot of stuff going on, you know what I mean? Like now. Whenever I have a lot on my mind, they start up again. Heh. I guess my brain still thinks the only worrying I ever do is worrying about disappointing my dad."

"You're not worried about disappointing _us_ , are you?"

"Ahhh . . . "

There was some shuffling around, and Lloyd's nest of blankets draped itself against Cole comfortingly.

"Aw. Well geez." He fluffed up Lloyd's hair, chuckling. "So you think I'm doing okay?"

"Mm-hm." Lloyd yawned, shutting his eyes.

"Then what's all this 'don't leave us' stuff I keep hearing?"

"That's . . . diff'rent," mumbled Lloyd. He began to explain, but he sounded like he was talking through syrup and his sentences made little to no sense. Gradually he tapered off into the occasional expository mumble. Cole nudged him lightly.

"Heyyyy. You're not gonna fall asleep here."

"'m too." Lloyd settled himself in tighter.

"G'wan, this is getting awkward."

"Deal with it." Lloyd dragged open one eye. "I've put up with two days of everyone asking me over and over what's wrong with me and acting like I'm made of glass. See how you like it now."

"Hey, sorry for caring," said Cole drily.

"You _know_ what I mean."

Rolling his eyes, Cole ruffled Lloyd's hair again and let him stay.

* * *

 **A/N: Probably just as well that this version didn't actually happen in the story. Cole'd just spent way too much time making fun of _Jay_ for hugging things in his sleep, and Jay can take pictures. :P**


	22. Cold Fish

**Well, this story was supposed to be a place for deleted scenes, so!**

 **Bit of extra fluff that happened after Lloyd tried to help with dinner in Chapter 100, the scene where the glass falls off the counter and all. Half humor, half angst, give or take a few percentage points in either direction. :P**

* * *

Dinner was quiet and disjointed. Nya didn't want to eat, and Jay only sipped half-heartedly at the cup of stew Lloyd gave him. The others ate standing up, whenever they had a moment.

"So, do you want to do something?" said Kai casually, drinking the last drops of stew straight from the edge of the bowl. "We could go out."

"I thought it was too dangerous with the Technicians out there," said Lloyd. "Especially at night."

"Ahhh, well." Kai grumbled, unwilling to admit Lloyd had a point. Then he brightened. "We could go in disguises! Your hair's still holding most of that dye, brush it back again and you'd be ready to go."

"I don't know." Lloyd shrugged ruefully. "So far every time I put on a disguise I get in trouble."

"Well, just don't climb into any Slither Pits this time and maybe you wouldn't—" Kai snapped his fingers. "Hey, that's it! We can go to Hombrito's and get you a tattoo! It's your last chance before the police shut the place down for having Technician ties."

"My mom would kill me, Kai."

"So whaaaaaaat." Kai folded his arms. "You always do what your mama tells you to?"

"Most of the time. Yeah."

Kai raised his eyebrows, unprepared for that answer.

"Besides," said Lloyd, before Kai could hit the rebound. "If I really wanted to get a tattoo that badly, I'd go someplace less sketchy. Way less sketchy. Blood poisoning doesn't sound like fun."

"Arrrrgh. Well, what _do_ you wanna do then, go grocery shopping?" said Kai peevishly. Partially he was annoyed that a chance to blow off steam through disobedience and corruption of Lloydfishes was so rapidly slipping through his fingers.

"I guess I'll just go to bed," said Lloyd. "We have to get up early tomorrow to fix up the hull before we take off."

"Are you _serious?!_ " Kai threw out his hands in protest.

"I'm pretty tired," said Lloyd, ever the bad liar. "I think I'll just brush my teeth and—"

"How about a practice tattoo?"

Lloyd paused in the doorway, then turned around to give Kai a questioning look. The fire ninja hastened to elaborate his spur-of-the-moment plan.

"With marker! I mean, if you're gonna be a mama's boy, you don't have to get a _real_ tattoo, but you could get a fancy practice one to test out what you'd like. No commitment! Try it before you buy it!"

"Annnnnnd you can do this . . . where?" Lloyd was slowly taking the bait.

"Right here, duh. I'd draw it."

Lloyd's eyebrows shot up.

"Uhhhhh—"

"Don't you 'uhhhhh' me," scolded Kai. "I can draw an _awesome_ tattoo! Heck, if I weren't a ninja, I could be a full-time tattoo artist."

Lloyd looked like he'd been accosted by a flat-earth theorist.

"Siddown," ordered Kai, already rummaging for a marker. "You'll see. I can even give you a cool shoulder tattoo like mine. Only not fire, obviously, fire's mine. Hands off." He looked up. " _Siddown_ , already."

Lloyd hovered in the doorway a moment more. Maybe it was because he really was tired of feeling so blank and lost. Maybe he just sensed that Kai was trying so hard and felt bad shutting him down. Or maybe he was just curious about Kai's alleged tattoo skills.

Either way, eventually he sighed and moved to sit down at the kitchen table. Kai hopped into the chair next to him and motioned for Lloyd to take off his shirt.

"So whaddaya want?"

"Uhh . . . I don't know." Lloyd shrugged. "I thought you had an idea."

"Huh . . . " Kai tapped his chin with the marker thoughtfully. "There's not really a good symbol for energy, it'd be hard to do your element . . . "

"It's fine," said Lloyd noncommitally. "Just put whatever you like. It's just practice."

Kai grimaced, but said nothing. After a moment he got to work with the marker. Lloyd squirmed at the cold slimy trails being traced onto his shoulder and looked away, trying to ignore the sensation. Conversation didn't happen.

"There you go, all done," said Kai at last, putting on the finishing touches. Lloyd twisted his head and strained his eyes, trying to see down his shoulder.

"Uhhhh . . . " He pulled back one corner of his mouth, clearly not thrilled.

"Like it?" said Kai. Lloyd shrugged as tactfully as possible.

"I . . . guess . . . "

"Don't make that face," said Kai, capping the marker. "Listen kid, I'm the greatest. I don't even know _how_ to draw a bad tattoo. I just naturally capture your inner essence in ink form."

Now Lloyd gave him a proper unimpressed look.

"A fat round fish with a triangle for a tail?"

"Sure." Kai offered the very exemplar of a straight face. "It's a metaphor."

Lloyd raised his eyes to the ceiling, and for a second it seemed he was going to argue further. At last he only shook his head and began to put his shirt back on.

"Well, thanks, Kai."

Kai frowned, dissatisfied. He'd been aiming to at least get a smile here.

"Hey. Don't you want to keep count of something with it, like mine?"

Lloyd froze again, one sleeve on and the other off.

"I . . . " he said slowly, then abruptly sat down again. "Yeah. Can I—two."

"Two what?" asked Kai.

"Nothing," said Lloyd, looking away. "Just two."

* * *

 **[Also a smol other thing that was supposed to happen after the baby announcement letter. While Jay and Nya were still off indoors macking. :B]**

Outside, Kai, Cole, and Lloyd were working on the _Bounty_ 's hull. Kai and Cole had called a temporary cease-fire, whether they consciously realized it or not. Kai had bigger issues.

"Look, Cole, settle this for us, could you?" he said. "I can't get this kid to see reason."

"Hm?" said Cole, looking up from sanding a newly-installed plank. From beside Kai, Lloyd rolled his eyes, but Kai ignored that.

"Look, look here. Tell me, if you had to sum up Lloyd in just one image, what would that image be?"

"Hmmm." Cole put down the sandpaper and studied Lloyd for a moment. "Well, I would say a fat little round fish with a triangle for a tail."

"Oh, for—" Lloyd slapped a hand over his face, then gave the red ninja a disgruntled look. "Real funny, Kai."

"Are you saying I set this up?" Kai put a hand to his heart, wounded.

"You don't think that's accurate?" Cole jumped in, raising his eyebrows. "Well then, what _is_ your essence, wise guy?"

"It's . . . " Lloyd blinked, caught off-guard, then huffed. "Well, I don't know. But it's not a fish."

"It's a fish," said Kai sagely. "And you don't want to admit it."

"No."

"Wait, wait wait wait, I've got it," interrupted Cole. "I've got it."

He paused for dramatic effect, then jabbed a finger in the air.

"TWO fat round fish with triangles for tails."

"I knew it," sighed Lloyd, while Kai voiced his approval. "No, not two fish either, okay?"

"A whole _school_ of adorable little round fishes with triangles for tails!" offered Kai.

"No!"

"Geesh." Kai folded his arms. "You're hard to please."

"No fish!" said Lloyd. "Look, I don't know _what_ my essence looks like, but there are definitely zero fish in it."

"I'm pretty sure your essence is cod-liver oil."

"Just . . . " For a moment Lloyd gave them both the most done look imaginable. They waited, wondering if he was about to take the bait. So close, so close . . . This was really beyond standing. Would this little idiot fish just lighten _up_ already?

At last Lloyd only sighed and turned back to work. He was smiling a little as he shook his head—he wasn't sulking, he wasn't actively trying to be cold. He just couldn't seem to summon up the energy to participate.

Silently Cole and Kai got back to work as well. Kai hammered with grouchy vehemence and slammed himself in the thumb.


	23. Questions, Aliens, Alien Questions

**Answers to the questions asked on Chapter 100!**

* * *

 **SpiritDragon:**

 _I'm dying to know what Lloyd said to Kai at the end of chapter 11! Even just a few hints!_

Ah, heh. "I love you." Don't ever give the kid barbiturates, 'kay? Just . . . weird things happen.

 _And if Lloyd will get any better, *Hugs him*_

Well, without giving too much away—I would sooner enslave orphan puppies than leave the poor tiny greenbean sad forever.

 _Also, just for fun, What're the top 2 or 3 oddest ideas/thoughts that the main five and Wu have ever had/come up with._

Wu's oddest idea was definitely summoning four to six variably-sane teenagers to defend the entire freaking world from actually deadly forces. :P  
Cole, according to Jay, has a brain full of boring, sensible rocks that could never have a thought that was even a little odd. But actually, he's spent a fair bit of time puzzling over why it's usually considered weird or egotistical to talk about yourself in the third person, except when you're talking to babies.  
Kai's oddest idea was prrrrobably going rogue in "Rebooted" and nearly getting barbecued by a rocket ship . . .  
Lloyd's oddest idea was "we should go to Mega Monster Amusement Park in disguise someday, and ride ALL the rides, only we're ninja so even the scariest rides are pretty boring to us, so we can just act really bored on the rollercoaster. But then we'll pretend to be terrified on all the baby rides." Hasn't actually become reality yet, but one of these days . . .  
Zane . . . Zane's odd a lot of the time, so that's a hard choice. One candidate might be, "if I put a lot of water in yogurt, can I use it like milk for my cereal?" He tried it. Nope.  
Jay's also an odd one! One of his weirdest would probably be, "SAY. You could go out one day and pretend to be a time traveler who has no idea how society works, and nobody would know you weren't for real!"

 **Guest (I think also SpiritDragon?):**

 _To the ninja: What are your favorite animals/creatures? (Doesn't have to be real)_

Lloyd: Dragons!  
Cole: Yeah, definitely dragons.  
Kai: Ah, dogs. Especially the kind that like to run around and be all active and stuff.  
Zane: Falcons . . .  
Jay: These guys! *hugs aliens*

* * *

 **Also, I had a tiny little fic lying around, from the last batch of requests. I don't know if the original requestor is still active on FFN, but . . . well, here it is anyway. ^_^''**

Zane dug a mixing bowl out of the cupboard, trying not to make too much noise. It was past two AM, and he really should be in bed, but he'd been woken up by nightmares and was too shaken up to fall back asleep. He didn't want to wake anyone else, so he decided to do some baking instead. That always calmed him down.

" _Chee-wupp?_ " inquired Mopp, peering over the edge of the sink.

"Please keep your voice down," said Zane. "Everyone else is sleeping."

He started looking for another bowl, then jumped when something cold hit the back of his neck. He looked around and found a wet sponge on the floor nearby.

"That was uncalled-for," he said reproachfully, putting it back by the sink. Then he saw that Mopp was reaching for it again and decided he should put it somewhere else.

Meep came drifting in to see what all the excitement was about, warbling sleepily. Mopp squawked until his brother helped drag him from the sink, since Zane was being so unhelpful.

The Nindroid was busy pulling out all the ingredients he'd need. He opted to make cookies, since he knew any attempt at baking cake would probably wake Cole with mysterious cake-sensing vibrations.

" _Gloooo_ ," said Meep, squinting into the spice cabinet.

"I just need cinnamon." Zane pulled the alien aside gently as he reached for the cupboard. "And maybe some ginger. Please don't touch that."

Meep paid him no mind. He'd never seen the inside of the spice cabinet before, and he liked what he saw. Mopp pulled himself along the countertop, peering up to see what Meep was doing. Sighing, Zane took out the spices he needed, carefully scooted Meep out of the cabinet so he could close it, and went to look for the flour.

When he came out of the pantry with the flour bag, he found Meep had opened the spice cabinet again.

" _Woop,_ " said Meep, pulling out a bottle of turmeric and throwing it at Mopp.

" _Weep_ ," said Mopp, catching it and throwing it on the floor. Luckily it was plastic, not glass.

" _Woop_ ," said Meep, chucking a bottle of curry.

" _Weep,_ " said Mopp, tossing it over his shoulder into the sink. They repeated this process for every spice in the cabinet. Zane watched for a moment with his eyebrows raised. He had to admire their coordination.

Presently though, he realized that every thrown bottle meant more for him to clean up, and decided he should probably take steps.

"No more, please," he said, shooing Meep out of the cupboard more firmly.

" _Woop._ " Meep hurled a canister of bay leaves at Zane's nose. The Nindroid sighed.

"You are being unreasonable."

The aliens were unrepentant. As Zane set to work picking up the scattered spice canisters, he turned around just in time to see Meep pushing the flour bag off the counter. He lunged and caught it at the last second.

"No," he told Meep firmly. He was beginning to regret his decision to make cookies in the first place. Even PIXAL was being oddly unhelpful, buried in an e-book instead of acting as his second pair of eyes. Maybe she didn't appreciate being up at this hour.

Zane weighed the option of just putting everything back and going to bed, but decided he was too far gone for that now. He put the sugar and flour carefully in the center of the counter, then went to fetch some eggs. He groaned at the thought of what the aliens could achieve with these. Mopp was already beating the sugar bag savagely with a wooden spoon.

"I don't see why you have decided to be so cantankerous today," he told the aliens, rescuing the sugar bag before it could burst open. "You don't seem to give Jay quite this much trouble."

"Perhaps they are feeling left-out," said PIXAL. Zane started at her voice. He hadn't realized she had emerged from her book.

"I was just reading about how to deal with difficult children," said PIXAL. "This book suggests engaging them with your current project to give them a productive outlet for their energy."

"You mean letting them help bake?" Zane smiled gratefully. "I'm willing to try."

He offered the spoon to Mopp and showed him how to stir with it. Mopp was perfectly happy to stir an empty bowl, and once the ingredients were in he kept stirring with equal vigor. Those were going to be some very tough cookies, but with a ship full of sugar-craving teenagers that would probably be a helpful handicap.

Meep and Mopp were much more cooperative now that they felt useful. Zane even let them crack in the eggs, although the results there were mixed. He almost couldn't recognize these well-behaved aliens compared to the rowdy water-demons from half an hour ago.

"PIXAL, you are wonderful," he said earnestly.

"As programmed." PIXAL smiled, then stifled a yawn.

"Get some rest," said Zane gently. "You were not meant to function twenty-four hours a day."

"Neither were you."

"I'll get some rest. I just have to finish baking the cookies," said Zane. "I'm starting to get sleepy again, as was intended."

Sleep did indeed overtake him. PIXAL had long since lapsed into sleep mode, and Zane could barely keep his eyes open as he slipped the last batch of cookies into the oven. Meep and Mopp watched the glowing interior light with interest, but knew better than to approach the heat bursting from inside.

"Just a few more minutes," yawned Zane, rubbing one eye and leaning back against the counter. "I should . . . clean . . . up . . . "

Instead he slid down to sit on the floor, his head nodding to his chest. A few times he jerked back upright, mentally scolding himself for not remaining alert. The cookies would burn.

Eventually, though, he stopped lifting his head. His eyes slipped closed and he fell asleep.

" _Yeep?_ " Mopp peered quizzically over the edge of the counter. " _Eyyyyy_."

Meep made a shushing motion, urging in subdued chirps to leave Zane alone. He and Mopp studied the oven for a while, edging back and forth along the counter to closely inspect every part of it. At length Meep carefully eyed the cookies still inside, then drifted up to poke at the control dials. The temperature dial clicked into a vertical position, and the "Oven On" light blinked out.

" _Chweeoo. Vwip._ " Mopp bunched himself up approvingly, then pulled himself along the counter till he could slide back into the sink. Meep slid after him and nestled down under the water, shutting his eyes to sleep.


End file.
